[JAK]

We adopted our little boy at 10 weeks old when we were 38 and 40. Now he is 4 years old and desperately wants a sister or brother.

My question, is it a "bad thing" to adopt again so our son has a brother or sister? We would love to adopt again but don't know if we can afford it a second time or have "the energy" to go through the whole process again.

Anyone out there with only children? Is your child content as an only child?

Thanks for your response.

[reneetaylor]

We have a 5.5 yr old daughter who has been bugging us for the last two yrs to adopt her a brother or sister. Now that we finally have the resources to do it, my daughter is more excited than I have ever seen her. (We are adopting a little boy from Guatemala, and he should be home this summer.) Her little brother is all she talks about and any time we get pictures, she takes them to school to show her friends and her teachers, and she puts them up in her room.

I feel like this experience is providing her with a better understanding of her own adoption, as well as providing her with a sibling to share so much love with. She has lost a couple of close relatives in her life and I feel that having a sibling will give her the security and stability she desperately needs. That is not to say that we are doing this just for her, but I feel like her acceptance and eagerness for it is a major factor for us. I want her to know the joys and the aggravation of having a brother, and I want her to have that same sibling bond that both my husband and I had growing up. (With our siblings, not each other! )

Jak - Don't let age be what holds you back. Don't deny yourself or your family the experience of another child to love.

Just a thought - if you want to adopt a sibling for your child, and are worried about the costs you should consider adopting a child from the state system. There are hundreds of waiting children who would do well in your home. Also, state adoptions cost only a few hundred dollars as opposed to several thousand dollars for an infant adoption.

Best of luck on your journey!

Unless we willing to accept a special needs child...

Which is not a bad thing. Special needs might mean a minority or biracial child, twins, a sibling group, a child over the age of 4, a child with medical needs, including asthma and diabetes.

Everyone wants an infant, but there are thousands of children already born and in need of a home.

Something else to consider when weighing your options

While I understand what you are getting at, I respectfully disagree with you. I don't think you need special training or qualifications to parent a *special needs* child. Certainly some special needs children (and some bio children) will require additional attention and services.

Being an attentive, responsible parent, perhaps someone who chooses to stay at home with their child rather than adopting a child that gets shuffled into day care for someone else to parent, is an excellent start. We attended a training called PATH, Parents as Tender Healers, which discussed many of the problems you might encounter with a system child. The emphasis is on might. Sure, you hear horror stories about adoptions, all sorts of adoptions. How often to they report a loving, peaceful transition to a new home on the news?

If the choice is between bankrupting yourself to adopt an infant, or opening your home to a waiting child who may require a bit more time and attention, what do you choose?

[JAK]

Thanks everyone for your feedback. I'm getting closer to going ahead and starting our homestudy for our second adoption.

Its interesting to here perspectives on both sides of adopting special needs children. Before who chose the Colombian program and were able to adopt Lucas at 10 weeks, we looked into adopting older children and the main thing that really scared us was the children who were sexually abused. We felt we had gone through so much with the horrible infertility "treatment" that we couldn't handle anything more. We also wanted to experience the early baby stage (as early as we could for an Int'l adoption.) Its good to know that not all "special needs" are too difficult to parent. It encourages me that perhaps that could be a possibility.

I think if we do adopt again, we will look into adopting an older child possibly between 6 months to 3 years, and hopefully from Latin America so Lucas and his sister/brother have that in common.

If anyone else has any other comments, its really great to hear others experiences and perspectives.

Like I've said before, I'm so glad I found this website! It really makes me realize I'm not the only one who chose adoption as a way to build our family.

[KAT63]

thanks for posting this topic and for all the replies! I'm going through the same internal debate regarding #2 and all these comments were tremendously helpful. P.s. On the topic and "special needs" --the benefits and challenges they pose, our daughter is classified "special needs" because she was drug exposed (heroin). we adopted through a private agency and she receives supplemental money from the county to provide the special assistance/programs/support she may need currently or in the future. She is a normal, energetic, happy toddler but it is nice to know that if and when she needs special programs (ie. when she enters school they "predict" she may have some learning delays), the extra money will be there.

[JAK]

I'm curious

How was it adopting your second as a special needs? Did you go through the waiting children program through your state?

We applied to the Guatemalan program through an agency and the country is closed so we're starting to look at other avenues.

I'm in the gathering more data stage and definitely want to adopt a second.

[reneetaylor]

Hello JAK - We are just now finalizing our son's adoption through Guatemala and will be traveling next weekend to bring him home. It has been a long, stressful road, but we are so glad that we stuck it out. Guatemala is a very unsure country to adopt from right now, even though many agencies are back to offering referrals from there. If I may suggest....the Marshall Islands and Samoa are both places that we had thought about adopting from before and they are pretty stable. The children are beautiful and very much in need of forever families.

Good luck on your journey...where ever it may take you!

Renee