[Lorraine518]

I have justed 41 and am the biological mother of a 3 yr old. I want a sibling for my child. My husband who is 42 thinks we are too old. Do real women have babies over the age of 40 or is that a Hollywood phenomenon? I am in decent health, although quite a bit overweight.
Are there any mothers of single children out there? Do you regret having just one child. I have been struggling with this issue for a long time, even thinking about adoption.

[sunnyandi13]

Hi -
I thought you might get some answers from others who have already been through the adoption process, but then again, I wanted to add an "only's" perspective.

My husband and I are foster/adopt parents and have two siblings with us right now. I must admit I love having more than one in the house. We've both agreed that we want two (I would have a whole housefull if I could stay home - and we had the room!). I was raised an only child and HATED it! I can remember pestering my parents to have a brother or sister for me - I even researched adoption for them (I was about 10 at the time). My husband grew up with one full brother and four 1/2 siblings and loved every minute of it. Not to say that siblings don't fight and carry on amongst themselves, but it always seemed to work out, he says. And I must admit as grown-ups, they have a special bond that is all too evident at family gatherings.

Additionally, now that I'm grown, I heartily wish that I had a sibling for support / friendship now. My best friend and I are both "onlies" so we have made our families together. But I have always (and still do) longed for the real connection of a sibling. As my parents age and begin to need my time and assistance more and more, I realize how nice it would be to have someone to share those responsibilities and concerns with. And God forbid, but when they both pass on, I'm going to feel very alone in this world. I've created a wonderful extended "family" over the years, but must admit, even at 30-something, still wish for that sibling relationship.

Just another perspective for ya...

And, remember, age is just a number on paper - it's the heart and attitude that keep ya young (and kids will definately do that too!). Best of luck to you!

[tjsjohanna]

We adopted in large part because we had one biological child and haven't been able to have any others. Both my husband and I come from big families (his-6, mine-5) and we didn't want our child to miss out on sibling relationships. And yes, more children is more complication - fighting, sibl. rivalry, etc - but now that we are adults, we really appreciate having siblings - our kids enjoy being with cousins, as our parents age, we have support in those responsibilities, etc. Our bio child is 12 and we adopted a sibling group two years ago (now 6 & 5). While they aren't really playmates for our bio child, he has commented more than once that he is really glad to have sibs. - he feels less lonely and more like his friends. We feel like adopting was the right thing for our family even though there have been all kinds of things to adjust to.

[tlcsha]

It sounds like you need to ask some of the questions of your doctor because if you were going to have another biological child this would be the time.

We had planned on raising an only child but have really felt a change lately as we get together with our families for weddings and bar mitvahs. My husband and I really cherish the relationships we have with our siblings and would hate for our child to miss out on that.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Tara

[Disneycrazed]

I was an only child and our daughter will be an only child.Many people talk about what a child will miss out on but there are so many good things that a child can also get by being an only child. I've never felt like I missed out on something at all.
I will say that I think much of that is becuase i ahve a big extended family and I was with my cousins a lot. We also all had summer cottages in the same are so we spent the summers all around each other. My parents also had me involved in things and around other kids quite a bit.
I think Only children get a bad rap sometimes and there are so many great things that should be included. BUT... like i said... i think having such an extended family around me all the time madea big difference.
I also have several cousins who are only children and they have siad pretty much the same thing when asked.

[Micki8]

Originally Posted by Disneycrazed

I was an only child and our daughter will be an only child.Many people talk about what a child will miss out on but there are so many good things that a child can also get by being an only child. I've never felt like I missed out on something at all.
I will say that I think much of that is becuase i ahve a big extended family and I was with my cousins a lot. We also all had summer cottages in the same are so we spent the summers all around each other. My parents also had me involved in things and around other kids quite a bit.
I think Only children get a bad rap sometimes and there are so many great things that should be included. BUT... like i said... i think having such an extended family around me all the time madea big difference.
I also have several cousins who are only children and they have siad pretty much the same thing when asked.

I agree with you, Disneycrazed!

I love being an only child.

[sh77sh]

Originally Posted by Lorraine518

Do real women have babies over the age of 40 or is that a Hollywood phenomenon?

My uncle had a baby at the age of 40. Anyway talk to doctor.

[MamaS]

Originally Posted by Disneycrazed

I was an only child and our daughter will be an only child.Many people talk about what a child will miss out on but there are so many good things that a child can also get by being an only child. I've never felt like I missed out on something at all.

Same here. I was happy as an only child, and had many more opportunities than my family could have afforded with more children.
I adopted two girls, but they are both raising only children. Their logic is: Children are expensive. I can do more for one than I could for two. I can give one my undivided attention. I can provide an extended family to surround my child with love.
PS - My two girls could not be more different and don't get along really well as adults. As the oldest said, "If she weren't my sister, she wouldn't be someone I would want to know." Giving your child a brother or sister is no guarantee that they will have a lifelong friend.