[Guppy]

I grew up an only child and never in my life I had a thought of missing a sibling. Which is funny - I always had a friend or two, we were close with our two boy neighbours... So, I wasn't alone, we spent much time together.
I however want to have more children then one. (have one now) Not for him but for my selfish reasons of being taken care of when I am old... I live in a different country then my mom and I am starting to worrry how I am going to help her in her elderly age. Right now, I really can't. Also, she was single and so she is very lonely since I moved. Our relationship isn't great but of course, I want to help her and be there for her as she was for me when I grew up. So... all in all now I would be very happy now if there was a brother or sister that could do that meanwhile. Also I saw how she became overly attached to me as the time went by and I think it added to the tension of our relationship. So, I'd like there to be more people involved in "family dynamic"...
"we shall see"

[StorkWatcher]

Old thread, maybe. But I've been thinking about this also and wanted to get it out there.

I've always wanted 2 to 3 kids. My Hubby and I each have siblings (he,2. Me, 3). We're both oldest children.

I don't worry about financing #2 (although hubby does) or if we'll have enough love (I could have 10, if that were the case!).

I do worry about our son not having the benefits and wonder of having a brother or sister, both as a child and as an adult.

I do worry about one day when we're old and need to be cared for or even gone - whom will he have then?? Yes, his cousins. But I can't imagine my life without my sisters!!!!

We're also not in our twenties, and even though our baby is only 6 months old, hubby feels we can't wait 3 or 4 years to decide and then try again.......

Ultimately, I say YES! I want another. But we'll have to see what hubby says in a year....

[patti Daniels]

I have only one child. We adopted her when she was 7 days old. She was released from the hospital at that age after her birth. Having one child has been great. She has been our miracle. She is our sunshine. She is now 18 and leaving for college in 14 days. The only bad thing about an only child is the day they leave the home. I am having a difficult time with her leaving. I cry at least one time daily. I do not look forward to this day. Everything else about one child has been great. We did not have one problem with our daughter. She was President of her class, Student Council President, President of FFA, and on the National Honor Society. Also, she graduated in the top three of her class. I have enjoyed every minute of raising her.

[LibbyHawkins]

I was only child for 12 yrs, and when I was 12 and 15, blessed with sisters. I much preferred being part of a sibling group to being an only. I grew up well, made most of the right choices and was involved in many activities and managed to get good grades. I think many only children also become over achievers.

Yes, it is a personaly decision. The biggest reason I am Thankful for having my sistes is now, as I am an adult, sisters are forever friends. No matter how many disagreements we have, or how often we fight, my kids have family and so do I.

[Happy123]

My older daughter was 5 before we had our second daughter. It still amazes me to think that I questioned having the second one. I do not regret it, but it took me many years to want to have another. I did not think that I could do it. Now that we have completed our baby's adoption (he is the youngest of five in the home), I can not imagine not having five. It was so hard to go from number one to number two, but to add 3,4, and 5 was so simple. Yes, the gray hairs are there LoL. I really think that each family needs to make their own decision.
Happy123

[intladoptionblog]

I wrote a whole series of posts about this a while back, and rather than hash and rehash I'll just post the link for a good place to start...
http://older-parent.adoptionblogs.co...y-to-cj-part-3

[nelwywed1311]

I think your issue of wondering whether you'll love another as much as you love your first is an issue for any parent, natural or otherwise.
Also, I think the issue of siblings isn't as much about when they are younger (though it's definitely important), but there's a good 60 years of relationship between siblings after they've left home. That may be when you really see the benefits of having a siblings. Many of the benefits have been mentioned - the ability to share with another adult the family experiences, the caring of a parent in old age, cousins, adult relationships, etc. Children do cope well without siblings, but as they grow into adults, I believe the effect can be felt more.
I am the eldest of six and I can honestly say that when I was growing up I didn't appreciate what being part of a large family meant. Now, I wouldn't change it for the world. Family is everything.
I also like the idea of adoptive siblings having someone with whom they have a shared life experience, especially where they have no contact with birth families or half siblings. What else do they have, especially when their ap's have passed on?
I have never heard a parent say they regret having a second child, though have heard people say they wish they had just one more. You will love your second as much as your first, your fears are natural.

[HBV]

I know this thread is old and gets only periodic revival, but I've been wondering about this issue lately. We aren't decided about another---though my inclination is no at this point. I do think there's something to newlywed's point about having a shared life experience. But here's my issue---we currently have an open adoption w/ two bparents and their extended families that have a LOT of visits and contact. I don't think I can manage another set of folks on top of that---I feel like I would constantly be obligated to other people with no time for my own nuclear family to be together. At the same time, I wouldn't want to deprive a child of contact with a birth family.

Has anyone else's decision been influenced by your contact schedule in an open arrangement?

If you made it work w/ more than one open adoption, how did you do that? If you are parenting adoptive children w/different openness arrangements with their birth families, how does that work for your family?

[Howdy]

I hadn't thought about the burden of maintaining more bfamily contacts, that is another item to add to the scales.
I've been going back and forth trying to decide if I want to try to adopt from fostercare again. One worry I have is what if the next child has no bfamily contacts, will they be sad and jealous that their sibling does have an open arrangement. My daughter has some very nice bfamily and one famous relative and she likes to tell everyone about the famous one. I wouldn't want the second child to feel inferior. On the other hand my daughter wants to have a sister and I'd like a second child, or do I? I can't decide.
I don't think I'd let the burden of an open (with acceptable relatives) arrangement influence my decision, but that may be because I have an older child who is perfectly capable of calling and writing her aunts and cousins without my help. Only one relative has been a pain to deal with, and I finally stopped all contact with her.
We don't have many visits to deal with tho because the bfamily lives in another state, so they have to be motivated enough to fly here and pick her up and fly back and then the same to return her (she's afraid to fly alone). I don't think I'd put up with any kind of open arrangement that made me feel I didn't have time for my family, and I for sure wouldn't let it keep me from having as many children as I wanted.

[Micki8]

Originally Posted by spaypets

Honestly, I think siblings are overrated. She has lots of cousins close to her age who we share family events with. Hopefully she will maintain a relationship with them as the years go by.

Spaypets, I feel that siblings are a bit overrated as well.

There are a lot of siblings who don't even talk with each other, don't like each other, and often lose contact when their parents die.

And there are so many siblings who refuse to help their siblings take care of their own ailing parents.

You would think that siblings would help their lone sibling take care of their parents, but they don't. This seems to happen very often.

[Micki8]

Originally Posted by Verncait

Our oldest daughter was an only child for 10 1/2 years. I believe she enjoyed the enormous amount of one-on-one time with my husband and I. But, she always wanted to be with other children more than she wanted to be with us. She started day care when she was 8 weeks old, so she was around kids her own age group all day long. However, she would still cry when we picked her up to go home. To an outsider I'm sure it appeared that something was not right with us. But, she was totally happy and completely spoiled! She loved us but wanted interaction with children constantly. Caitlin is 11 now and goes out of her way to bend over backwards for her friends. She gives and gives and gives and sometimes is taken advantage of. IMHO, I believe if she had had a sibling to fight and compromise with she wouldn't feel the need to go completely out of her way to please her friends. She would be better able to stick up for her rights and not worry about them still being her friend.

As an adult, I love having sisters. You can share things with your sisters or brothers that you just don't feel comfortable sharing with others. This includes both good and bad times.

Hmmmm.....that's funny. I thought people always claim that only kids don't know how to share or be giving. I guess your child proves them wrong, if having a sibling makes one less giving, so to speak.

That might just be your daughter's personality. There are people with siblings who are the very same way. They bend over backwards to please siblings, their kids, friends, and significant others. Siblings just add to the more people to bend over for. If your daughter had a sibling she'd probably be the sibling that gives and gives. Siblings will take advantage of you as well. Yes, people with siblings can be pushovers as well.

As for only sharing things with siblings, some siblings take things you share with them and use it against you. When my friends' siblings share things with them, they run and tell friends, other relatives, and their spouses.

Also, there are people with siblings who say or share things with their friends and spouses that they just can't tell a sibling. Different strokes, I guess.

[Micki8]

Originally Posted by Verncait

I do have to agree Sugarbabiesmommy. By just reading some of the other posts, your statement seems VERY accurate! I guess we all are who we are regardless of being raised with siblings or not. As a side note: My husband was raised with 4 other brothers and sisters and he is (and always was) extremely bossy! So, perhaps, personality prevails over being an only child or not.

I agree Verncait. Being an only child has nothing to do with being bossy, lonely, spoiled, or selfish. There are many siblings who share these traits as well.

[Micki8]

Originally Posted by redhedded

My dh is an only child, and while I have a wonderful relationship with my own sister, I, too, think siblings are overrated. I know many people who dislike their siblings immensely and choose to spend zero time with them. I am of the philosophy that your family (and sisterhood) is made of the wonderful, supportive and communicative friends that you make along your life journey, and that biology alone does not provide a connection. I had little hesitation in having our dd be an only child.

I agree redhedded.

[Micki8]

Originally Posted by LibbyHawkins

I was only child for 12 yrs, and when I was 12 and 15, blessed with sisters. I much preferred being part of a sibling group to being an only. I grew up well, made most of the right choices and was involved in many activities and managed to get good grades. I think many only children also become over achievers.

Yes, it is a personaly decision. The biggest reason I am Thankful for having my sistes is now, as I am an adult, sisters are forever friends. No matter how many disagreements we have, or how often we fight, my kids have family and so do I.

Not to put down siblings relations, but not all siblings are "forever friends."

And there are some things that would damage sibling relationships.

[sh77sh]

You know I also have an only child, but in future I would like my daughter to have brothers or sisters.
As I see you're lucky and have a family that everyone would like to have.
Good luck!