[fannyofparis]

my son who just going to be 5, next month ,was seating on a coach few step away from an 3 years old boy( who at that time wasn't wearing any pants or underwear for the last 2 minutes.)
My son came to him ,took the boy's penis in his hand and was going to touch the penis with his mouth,i caught him, i call him by his name , he stoped and went back to seat were he was before..
He knows it is not ok to do it , we already few months ago talk about it with his therapeute...( I did put him in a day camp and he told me that he put the penis of one boy in his mouth) so we talk about it.

we ( social workers ,myself, etc..)do beleive that he was expose in some degree ,or at his home, (he was removed ( neglect) when he was 30 months old), or could be in foster home ....who knows..
we (MY son and myself )are been living together for 1 year now, recently did the finalization of the adoption.
I never put any TV news or movies when he is at home.never had any men stay in my home.
Of course he came with a lot of issues, but today he talks , he an amazing , extremely bright and funny kid, who likes to express his feeling.

what it worries me is that he told me , he likes to do that...
what to think about it?
now i am questioning myself... about pedophile.....how a pedophile becomes....which age ? I want to make some research about it.. if someone Knows where should i look for? thank you.

[lucyjoy]

I didn't adopt my son until age nine, but according to his records, he was engaging other children in oral sex at age four in a classroom(the other child was metally and physically handicapped), he was involved in two known incidents in residential but was listed as the "victim" because the other boy was a year older. He was listed as a perpetrater in his file later, but it was not explained what led to that.

Up until a year age he would ask boys to let him do this and if they refused, he would claim they assaulted him. (One child was arrested and removed from his home for 8 weeks until the case was straightened out. My 12 year old who lied admitted a few hours later he'd made it up and the hospital said they felt he made it up.)

I know my son was sexually abused by both birthparents(they admitted to it and did jail time). This abuse accord before my son was 3 years old. He is currantly in therapy for his sexual abuse of others. I, too, worry about whether he'll become a pediphile, but so far, the treatment seems to be helping him.

Our state offers a program for young children that have been sexually abused. I would assume your son has been and take him for treatment. He needs to learn how to deal with these feelings.

[Dr. Art]

When a child has been victimized the child may begin to act out what was done to him (if the choice is to be victim or victimizer, at least the victimizer has power and control). So, your son needs treatment that addresses the trauma so that he can get past it. You may be able to find someone in your area on the website www.attach.org

Regards

[fannyofparis]

thank you so much to reply.
My son got some help since he came into my life. he had a lot of issues to deal with.but i was wondering if he needs a specialist on that particular issue ?

[Dr. Art]

Dear FannyofParis,

Yes, this is a special area in which most mental health professionals are not expert. So, I would look for a therapist who has significant training and experience in treating adopted and foster children who have been traumatized. You can find the name of someone in your area at the website www.attach.org

Otherwise, be sure to ask what specialized training the person has had (should have some intensive workshops, not jsut day-long things), how long they have been treating such children (5+ years), and what percentage of their practice is devoted to such children (20%+).

I hope this helps.

Regards

[fannyofparis]

thank you doctor,
it feels very good to know that i have been heard..I am a single Mom, and I want the best help for my son.
As a parenting, apparently I have the skill on how to raise a child,( i read a lot, etc..) I learn how to talk to him, .His progress in a lot of areas are phenomenal, since he came to live with me. No Problem at school.
But what happen last weekend made me beleive that it is very serious subjet, and if it is not treated correctly my son can be in trouble.

the therapeute that my son goes too , (at a department of mental health ) is a clinical therapist and IMF after school program,
What I know ,she is not specialize in attachment.
since he sees her, my son made a lot of progress, ( normal for the type of kid)he came with a lot of rage, anger, controling, manipulating,was not looking in the eyes when was the time we talk about feelings of love for him , care for him...
So anyway, He is going to see her on friday( i already talk to her about the incident) and she is going to do play therapie with the doll house..

I look at the web side , attach.org,didn't find any one in my area. I live in the coachella valley in Riverside ,CA. i email them if they know anyone.

On the first message I mentionned that i am interrested to learn about pedophile ..who are they emotionaly,intellectualy ,what age could we detect some signs, their personality, etc...
So if you can direct me , give me some tips , i will apreciate a lot.
I want to apologize for my english, it is my second languish!so please forgive me.
thank you
fanny

[Dr. Art]

I don't know of any resources off the bat, but you could just try putting pedophile in your search engine...or pedophile treatment and see where it leads you.

Sorry about not having more info.

Regards