[felmel]

My husband and I have three bio children in the home, ages 14, 13 and 9. We are hoping to have an 8 year old girl home by early summer from Guatemala. She was relinquished by her mother a little over a year ago due to poverty. I am sure that when our gilr gets here it will be quite a shock and overwhelming. Not only is there the language but also the change in economics. Does anyone have any suggestions on helping her to adjust to our society. Has anyone adopted an older child, if so, please share your experiences with me.

[lucyjoy]

One suggestion I would make is to limit the items in her room so she won't feel overwhelmed. Put a few weeks of clothes and a minimum amount of toys. If you feel she needs more, keep them in a play area where she can use them. My children from Romania and a few of my older American children felt overwhelmed by clutter. Too many toys and clothes and even furniture frustrated them. We have a playhouse out back filled with toys all the kids can playwith, but only a few things in their rooms until they feel more comfortable with more.

Keep her around you a lot and talk to her about what your doing. Even if she doesn't understand you, the sound of your voice will become something familiar to her and she'll pick up the language faster if you name things when you show them to her.

I also found sitting down on the floor and playing was calming and more inviting for my children when they were gettting use to us.

[Dr. Art]

It is most likely that your new little girl will be experiencing a significant amount of grief and loss. Without knowing what her early years were like (maltreatment, etc), it is difficult to know what else may be going on. But assuming a good early experience, then this child has lost a mother, family, language, and culture. That is a lot. In addition, she will have suffered a severe blow to her sense of self-worth. Why was she "given away" or "abandoned" by mom? What about the others? Having worked with many children in a similiar situation, I can tell you that it is a very painful process. I'd suggest you find a good therapist to work with her and you to help her through this time. You can also take a look at the book, Attaching in Adoption by D. Gary.

[felmel]

Thank you for your responses. We have been asked to send down a video of our family and home so she can watch it and become aquainted with us. We are also going to send down a picture book of our family. She is living at a hogar and is not attending school so we are paying for her to start school there while we are waiting on INS approval and completing the adoption. We have been talking to our children about things to expect and generally trying to prepare ourselves by reading and getting any info we can. Our whole family is excited and scared. Luckily I am able to stay at home with the kids and will be able to attend to any needs she has.

[Dr. Art]

My best wishes to you and your family. Good luck.