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Any suggestions to assist a child with grieving would be appreciated. I'm jumping the gun here, but my son has had majorly intense grief reactions in the past. He is also still in denial that his birthmother means anything to him. I am anticipating a few significant losses in this upcoming year and feel all these issues will compound his grief.

My grandmother has not been doing well lately. She is amazing for 97, but is starting to have mini-strokes. Is back in the hospital for the second time in 1 month. She has rallied each time, but she is ready to die and I am already preparing myself for her loss. I have talked with my son about this, and tried to explain in 9 year old terms why she is ready to die. She has been a big part of our lives. My son's therapies have taken us to Buffalo frequently over the past 2 years and we have visited with her just about every time.

Additionally, our aging black lab is not likely to make it through another winter. It's very likely we'll be putting her to sleep once cold weather hits again. This dog has been in his life since placement almost 6 years ago. A friend is breeding her lab in the fall, and we intend to get one of the puppies - so hope this will help although timing might not be exactly right.

Overall my son is doing really well. I just want to be prepared ahead of time to handle his grief appropriately.

Thanks. DimasMom

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Originally Posted By Waiting in TN

Sorry for your upcoming losses, but I stand in admiration of your wise and caring effort to prepare your son. I'm not experienced with this much yet, but regarding the loss of your black lab, I read once that it helps to get a new puppy before your old one passes. It's supposed to allow a kind of "passing the torch" to happen. It said your old pet may even get some enjoyment out of showing the new pup "the ropes" around your home, and the new pup will be more easily trained because of it. The family's attachment to the new pup will come easier because of it's relationship with the old one, so that when the old one passes, it makes that passing a little easier. Grandmoms, on the other hand, are irreplaceable. Good luck.

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Originally Posted By Susan M. Ward

I commend you for being so tuned into the topic of grief. For so long, our society ignored the grief of children. Since children didn't grieve the same as adults, it was thought that they weren't grieving.

Two books I reccomend... When Children Grieve by John James and Russell Friedman. While I didn't like the writing style, the information was some of the freshest and most progressive on how to deal with grief. It rips up some of our myths about grief i.e. keep busy, time will heal, etc. It's written for adults to help children, but will provide adults with a new way of looking at issues of grief themselves. The other book is a small children's book called The Fall of Freddie the Leaf by Leo Buscaglia. Through quiet words and beautiful photography it presents death as part of life.

Best wishes as you help your son and yourself through these difficult times.

Susan Ward

Older Child Adoption Online Magazine

http://www.hannahandhermama.com

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My grandmother has again rallied and is back out of the hospital. But she will be 98 at the end of this month, and I know loosing her is immenant. Now every day that I get to have with her is truly a gift. But I am ready to let her go. She's still as sharp as ever, but quality to life greatly diminished. She's doing a lot of reminiscing and it's just so wonderful to hear all those stories one more time.

We were talking about inventions one time and I asked my grandmother what she felt was the most significant invention. Her response: wax paper, because then she could take her sandwiches to work and they did not get stale! I will forever remember that conversation every time I use wax paper!! My son is also greatly enjoying this time with her. He loves hearing about life in the "olden days".