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  #1  
Old 07-29-2001, 05:18 AM
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Let's talk about adopting older kids

Originally Posted By NicksterMommy

Cynic mentioned on another board having a particular interest in discussing older kids. Let's talk about it.

At least at this point in our marriage (early thirties), there is no way I would be able to convince my husband to adopt an older child (my definition -- older than 5 years old). One BIG reason is lack of experience in parenting an older child. Another reason would be all of the media attention on those instances where adopting an older child DOESN'T work out. Why doesn't the media ever profile all of the instances where it DOES work out??

For any of you who have adopted older kids, have been an older kid waiting in foster care, or anyone else with a particular interest in this issue -- What would you say to someone like my husband to reassure him?
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  #2  
Old 07-29-2001, 05:30 PM
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Re: Let's talk about adopting older kids

Originally Posted By Mackie

Yep! I agree. I don't know much abot older adoption, but would love to hear stories from parents that have!
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Old 08-04-2001, 08:44 AM
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Re: Let's talk about adopting older kids

Originally Posted By Kari

Nickster, my mom and dad adopted a group of siblings from foster care...we went from a family of 3 kids to a family of 7 kids! I am the oldest of the group of biological kids. I know that the media sends out a horrible message about adopting older kids...but my parents were Christians acting on their faith. There were hard times (alcohol abuse ran in their bio-family and the kids all went through some of that) but my mom and dad stuck it out and today have a family that fills their home on Christmas! (13 grandkids...loving marriages etc...) One of my adopted brothers has really struggled and to this day is held captive by alcohol, but the other 3 are doing well. I am very proud of my youngest brother...he was born with the effects of alcohol use and used to struggle with learning. He has had the same job for many years and has done very well there....he also married a wonderful girl and they are expecting their 2nd child soon. He was 5 when he entered foster care...the oldest was 11. I guess that because of this influence in my life my husband and I were able to adopt our son knowing that drugs and alcohol were involved in his prenatal life. (He was placed here when he was a few months old so he was not an older child adoption case though.) I have great respect for people like my parents who were not afraid to love children that the world likes to avoid. One of my adopted brothers had been in several foster homes and had developed behaviors to deal with his anger....stealing, lying, etc...but my mom and dad knew that this would go away once he felt secure in our home...and it did. He is a fine Christian man now and is happily married. I don't want to paint a rosey picture here...there were tough times, but looking back now it was very well worth it.
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Old 08-09-2001, 04:22 PM
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Re: Re: ...adopting older kids. Thank You!!

Originally Posted By CPMommy

My husband and I are in the process of adopting three older children ages 10, 11, & just turned 13. We are beyond excited but our families are all full or warnings of doom and gloom. This includes a family attorney, a social worker, a daycare owner, a juvenile psych student, and many of them are Aparents themselves. I was dying to hear of an older adoption that was successful. I'm a stay at home mother of 1 two-year old with lots of love to give. I've worked in a juvenile prision, childcare center, and the public school system. My marriage is solid. I can't imagine why everyone is so concerned. They all say it's not us it the age of the kids. My husband and I both have younger siblings in their teens we know how they can be. No one else wanted these kids and they are in good health, doing well in school and have been recently separated. I just had to step in and I hope to open the eyes of our families about older children deserving homes and families too. Your story has been an inspiration to me. Thanks again.

Cathy
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Old 08-10-2001, 06:22 AM
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Re: Re: Re: ...adopting older kids. Thank You!!

Originally Posted By Kari

Cathy, I hope you will keep coming here to let us know how things are going! :-) Bless you!
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Old 08-21-2001, 04:44 AM
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Re: Let's talk about adopting older kids

Originally Posted By Rebecca

My husband and I adopted three older girls from Russia. I found that books by Deborah Hage were really good. She has about ten kids, some adopted and some biological. One is in jail but her take is that the love that she and her husband were able to give her son probably prevented him from killing someone. I have been a parent for 15 months. My husband and I are definitely making it up as we go. I certainly think that adopted older children is the most challenging thing I have ever done in my life. I think the girls are doing really well, and two of the girls constantly say that they love their family, which is us. Our oldest daughter sees us quite differently. She was 11 and a half when she came into our home. She is the secret keeper for her biological family and so we know very little of what the girls have been through. We know it was very bad and as time goes on, their personalities emerge and we learn some of how they dealt with or were affected by their past. I do not think that the book adequately get at the challenges that are involved in adopting older children. I believe that some people are called to adopted older children. I think that some good training would be beneficial before the adoption, and a good look at your own strengths, weaknesses, ability to laugh and be playful, not take yourself too seriously, and having a strong and clear sense of yourself. Some people seem to do really, really great as adoptive parents of older children.
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