[aspenhall]

Commando Parenting worked for me...but I had to figure it all out myself...
Also Parenting with Love and Logic does WONDERS..

I have a control freak for a child as well, and I put her in a time out until she can maintain eye contact...NO DISCUSSION PRIOR to or DURING a time out.
Also, check into PAD..the link is in my signature line.

[AudreyE]

Kerri,

We would never flame you. Any parent who claims they haven't lost control is lying to you.

Over the years when I've had blow-ups (and yes, I've had a few), I find it helps to have a quiet moment later with the kid in question. Cuddle a bit, explain to the child that yes, even Mommies and Daddies get mad and make mistakes and don't always say the right things. Explain that you get frustrated just like she does, because you don't know quite how to make her listen/be happy/get dressed/get in bed (whatever is appropriate for the conversation).

I found that my kids, when confronted with the evidence of my own stupidity and their obstinence, will actually come up with solutions of their own to some of the problems. At other times, no solutions are found.. but we get a good cuddle out of the deal.

Audrey

[peregrinerose]

Originally Posted by Kerri-Jean

And I said to her, "What am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to let you hurt the baby, and be rude to me and say these horrible things? I don't know how to be a good mother to you." Which I know in hindsight was a very bad thing to say and probably raises all kinds of fears in her.

I'm not convinced that what you said is a bad thing at all... think about all the GOOD you did... you stayed calm, you handled her as best you could, and most importantly, you were completely honest with her. Nobody gives us parenting guides, kids don't have owners manuals to flip to the index when we need to trouble shoot, we don't have time to do a google search to deal with a heated situation that needs to be addressed promptly, we all make the best guesses that we can at the time.

Our placement is 15, and he's our first kid. My husband and I were very straightforward with him from day one... we told him we will make mistakes as parents, we are human. We asked him to be tolerant and forgiving of our mistakes and let us learn from them, just as we will always do the same for him. He was surprised by our comments, as no one has ever been that direct with him before. It really helped lay a nice foundation for trust between us and given all he's been through, that's a good thing.

In a 5 year old it's a little tougher to have that kind of coherent conversation, but it's perfectly okay to be a human parent. Kids get frustrated when parents pretend to be perfect even though nobody is (that's how my mother was, in her mind always flawless).

Don't beat yourself up so much, allow yourself to be human too :-)