[GoCathy]

We recently hosted a 7 year old from Eastern Europe who seemed great on the surface (though hyper, maybe due to overstimulation). We were told before hand she had been abused, though we don't know in what fashion.
She acted what seemed "appropriate", not that I really know, for about 5 days. Then, she decided she didn't like me, the mother figure. I have no idea why she changed so suddenly - nothing happened I could put my finger on.
She glared at me, wouldn't let me run her bath anymore or put her to sleep. She told a translator to make sure I knew never to touch her. If I did by accident, as when handing her a toy, she would stiffen right up. When she put a ribbon in her hair and I told her she looked pretty, she pulled the ribbon right out. When she was with the family as a group, she was great and she ADORED my husband, hugged him, etc. When we were alone together, however, she made faces at me. I recently had pictures of her visit developed and I was surprised to see her making unhappy faces whenever the photo was the two of us together....and joyful in all the others.
We did not adopt this girl. I was worried about the difference between her behavior to me and everyone else (she was charming to everyone else even relative strangers).
Is this kind of behavior - where the child pushes away one parent - common in PI kids? Is it something I overreacted to, since she was good with us as a group? I want to learn from this experience because we would like to adopt and I know there will be issues with any child. The child, by the way, found a wonderful home.

[tmjbstark]

Hi there,

My husband and I are in the process of adopting older siblings out of the foster care system. In our parenting classes, we learned that many children harbor resentment towards the mother figure in their lives. This is usually a result of their experiences when very young. We were told by many parents that when a child starts to feel close to the family is when they will start to pull away. This might explain why things seemed fine for the first five days, then she started to act up towards you. I have talked to a few people in our adoption support group who have said that this happened but they were able to work through it.

[Lorraine123]

These are classic symptoms of Reactive Attachment Disorder. Do some research on this disorder. It can occur in children who have been institutionalized.