[jenf]

I have been fostering a young boy (age 3) for three months and his behavior is deteriorating. I am especially concerned over his cruelty to animals- kicking, hitting, etc. Also, he will continue to ask the same question over and over, even if you answer him. He does not seem developmentally delayed in other areas, but has definitely not outgrown the terrible twos and time outs are doing no good! Any help would be greatly appreciated!

[Lorraine123]

Sounds like he has attachment disorder behaviors. These are classic signs. Is he in therapy? He needs attachment therapy. Be sure the therapist is aware of attachment based therapy because other types will not work. Time outs will not work with these children. They want to get away from you and therefore time outs are what they want and they will continue with the behavior that got them there. This is not the terrible twos. Please look into appropriate therapy for him, otherwise he will not heal and will get worse.

[whoownsthis]

RE: same question over and over...

Our 3-yr-old (almost 4) does that, too. I finally turned the tables on her and asked HER the same question she had been asking me (ex: "Where are we going, L? L, where are we going? Where are we going? Where are we going, L?"), so that she was forced to answer it herself over and over. This has become a "game," and it distracts her enough that she "forgets" to keep asking the irritating question.

[rainbowmom]

jenf,
my seven year old asks the same questions over and over and over, too. I, too, have turned the tables on her and asked her the same question over and over and over. He understands my frustrations and we get a good laugh. Down side: I have had to turn the tables on him many, many times; and he still displays this behavior. A book you might get some insight from is: The Emotional Life of a Toddler; it explains a lot of behavior displayed by RAD kids. Peace.

[sallyshore]

I want to second what another poster said -- these are definitely classic examples of Reactive Attachment Disorder and need immediate attention from a really well trained attachment therapist. For more information, try Nancy Thomas's web site and Attach.org (I think?). There are numerous books out on the subject, such as those by Daniel Hughes and Nancy Thomas. Don't think twice -- this child (and you) need help right now!
sally

[Dr. Art]

The other posts are right on target. You are probably confronting a very complex and difficult situation that will require professional help. You might look at the following books:
1. Creating Capacity for Attachment
2. Building the Bonds of Attachment

You should also consult with a professional who is appropriately trained: See the list of registered clinicians at www.attach.org for someone who can help, in your area.

regards

[Queenmom]

Hi everyone! I'm new to the forum but I had to respond and ditto that this little guy definately has attachment issues that need to be dealt with. We took on our daughter at 5 1/2 and just finished the adoption 5 mos ago. We were aware of her RAD but things started coming together when we started going to an experienced Attachment Therapist. If you ever have a chance to attend a Nancy Thomas seminar, I would do what ever I could to get there!!! It has breathed hope into my life on a practical level. Our kids can heal it just takes time. We are not parenting "normal" kids but I believe the blessings can be more rewarding for us in the end! Take care and hang in there!!

Susan