[StacieGates]

Hey, all!
We're looking at potentially asking for an official referral for a sibling group of two girls who are waiting children.

We've been in the process of adopting from Colombia, South America for about 1.5 years now & we're very excited to potentially have found our children.

The girls are 10 (will be 11 in May) and 6 (will be 7 in Nov.).

They're older than what we originally were asking for but we ultimately what whichever children are God's will to be in our family!

Have any of you here adopted older children (especially a sib group from another country)? Can you give us any advice as we decide whether or not to request an official referral?? Tell us the good and the bad, please. (either post here or email me from the Home School Cafe contact link)

Thanks in advance!
John & Stacie
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John & Stacie Gates
www.homeschoolfcafe.com
www.home-school-forum.com
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[otteyv]

I noticed your post is 1 1/2 years old. Did you adopt them? How is it going? We are looking to adopt 2 girls from Colombia same age. Thanks, Van

[StacieGates]

Van,
The dates on this message board can be confusing. I posted the message just a few months ago (September). I've done the same thing, though, looking at the date the person registered & think that it's the post date.

Here's the scoop!! We're EXCEPTIONALLY excited to announce that they are our daughters. We found out about them on September 24 & got their pictures & bios on September 27. We found out on Thanksgiving that the assignment of these girls to our family was approved by the regional office overseeing their care. We found out on dh's birthday (12/1) that the assignment letter was signed & it got faxed to us. YAY!

We're traveling on January 11 & will receive them into our family on January 12!

If you want to see their pics or read the journal of our adoption process, you can go to www.caringbridge.org/al/gates

God bless,
Stacie

[otteyv]

Hi Stacie,
I sent a message to your MSN address. Is that OK? Or should I just use this site to communicate?

Thanks, Van

[StacieGates]

Van,
That's fine. I usually check that account each day, but the last couple of days have been too busy and I haven't done it. I'll do it this morning! Thanks for the heads up!

Stacie

[HappyMomAnna]

Gee--I am sorry your thread was somehow lost !

I have not adopted internationally--and our children were not as old as the children you are adopting.... But we did do the 2-for thing..... There are wonderful advantages to sibling adoptions I think for us witnessing the bond our children have with each other is just about as awesome as it can get.... The down side is that is can be ten-times the work to add two children at the same time--with two different sets of needs--personalities and emotional and age issues....

It can be difficult to break down the wall and be a part of the bond they have with each other....When our children were placed it took a good deal of time to have our son learn to come to me for his needs and not his sister.... He was pretty little but I do remember being a little jealous that when he needed a boo-boo kissed his first choice was big sister....and she has had her issues in letting me be the mom...but time and dedication can make this problem go away.

Expect that for the first little while the Honeymoon will be wonderful....It WILL take some time to get to know these children and for them to disclose themselves to you....

Expect that this is going to be a long road and that there are going to be bumps along the way..... Trust your own gut and when somethng feels off track don't wait for someone to tell you so....

There are many who have adopted older children and many who can help with situations that you may find in your life--be open to asking specific questions and make the Special Needs Boards here your home--because children of this age are going to have special needs no matter where they come from....

Good luck and welcome to the world of siblings--older kiddos and adoption.....

[StacieGates]

Thank you for the information, advice and support!

[andrews777]

One thing you should be very watchful for is that the really do bond with you. Our oldest two, adopted as part of a sibling group of 4, were 7 and 5 when we adopted them. We found out AFTER going through a bunch of stuff when they were 14-16 or so that they were actively working together against us for quite a long time.

My oldest has attachment issues (likely attachment disorder) and ended up leaving home at 17 (legal in Texas). I am still hoping for her desire to work through issues about a year later. My son, 2 years younger, went through an even rougher time, including runaways, time in two long-term placement facilities, legal trouble, etc. Fortunately God has worked a miracle and he is back home now, and is working through things. He may still have a "push" to leave home at 17, but we are hoping he makes it through 18 and "graduation" from our homeschool.

I highly recommend the books _Adopting the Hurt Child_ and _Parenting the Hurt Child_ by Keck and Kupecky. I also wish we had worked on attachment issues much earlier. By the time we realized we had a problem (after 14-16), therapy was largely useless, and only seemed to turn everyone against us when therapists and others didn't realize our childrens' lack of attachment caused a lot of the problems.

I will be so glad when our youngest (turning 14 this summer) is 18, and we are through with this stage of life.

I say all this to encourage you to be prepared and to work on issue NOW! Just because things seem peaceful doesn't mean the teen years will be wonderful.

Brad