[Mmckie2000]

Hello,

My husband and I received a call today that we had been selected for a sibling group. The girl is 8 years old and has no special needs at all. The boy is 9 years old and is on medication for ADHD. He reported that he was sexually abused in a previous foster placement and has masterbated in public. Their worker said that after addressing that issue with him he has since stopped. He had an episode of pooping in a garbage can and the worker said that he "plays hard and rough" with toys and tends to break them. Although he has some issues the worker said that they are sweet children and are her favorite ones on her caseload. We have two biological children, a 2 year old daugther and a 6 year old son, who will be sharing a room with the boy. Can anyone offer any advice and/or anything specific that I need to ask the worker? Thank you.

[lucyjoy]

A child with the issues you describe cannot share a room with your bio son or anyone else. NO WAY!! Sorry to be negative, but my sons were the case workers favorite also and they were seriously disturbed. You are putting your children at great risk.

If you still take these kids, be sure to talk with therapists, former foster parents and teachers.

[riley6]

Oh my gosh, everything that you've posted screams that this boy might put your kids' at risk. DO NOT chance it with your young children! There is NO such thing as "no issues" with kids who have been in the system. My kids didn't come with any KNOWN special needs. Who would have thought we'd have been through with them what we have.

PLEASE reconsider adopting these two! I would recommend NOT adopting older than your youngest child. What would you do if one of your new kids molested, raped, or beat up your baby?

[HappyMomAnna]

Not the right match for you. Favorite children or not....*small* issues or not....sexually abused children KNOW MORE then your innocent son does and that alone is a RISK.

These children even without special needs take time and a lot of attention and you do not want to experience any possible issues...

Our daughter is only 6 and was sexualized before placed and we cannot even leave her alone in the same room with her brother or allow her to be around when his diaper is changed....

There are other children who WILL fit with your family these children will find a home with parents who are able to deal with the issues and not have young innocent children to protect at the same time....

[Mmckie2000]

Thank you for the response. I guess I needed to hear those things from someone else so that I didn't fell bad thinking them.

[HappyMomAnna]

Do not feel bad it is much better to pass on a match then to disrupt later or experience a situation where two hurt children turns into four hurt children and a couple of devastated parents.

While waiting for a match it is very easy to convience ourselves that we are Up To It and accept a situation we know deep down in our hearts feels wrong...

It is far better to know your limits and START your adoption on the right track then to compromise and suffer for it.

[Lorraine123]

I am simply dittoing what was stated above. My daughter was also her caseworkers favorite. And I can understand why - she is a wonderful, charming, beautiful little girl (with lots of issues and disorders). She is now 7 yo. I have two other boys ages 12 and 16. She knows more about sex than they do (well.... as far as I know, anyway, they know not to talk about it so freely).

I see a lot of problems with what you posted. Masterbation in public has a reason and it doesn't cure itself with a talking to. Pooping in a trash can? I'm not saying they aren't wonderful children, but they don't sound like the children for a household with with two younger chlidren. Like Riley said, there is no such thing as an 8 yo in foster care with no issues.

I also would not recommend having your 6 yo share a room with any child from foster care. Just my opinion, but you just can't be too sure. There are just so many unknowns.

There is nothing wrong with passing on a match. We passed on three matches before accepting our daughter and she is a great match for our family (even with her issues).

Good luck to you. You seem to be thinking correctly to realize this was an "iffy" match.

[savannah2]

Please listen to what the other posters are saying. sometimes the excitement of being matched may make you think it will be
different , you can watch them etc. there is no way you can watch 24-7. I f you read some different places on here like failed adoption you will see some horrible examples of what has happened to families that had their younger children hurt by taking kids with these issues. Not that these children dont deserve to be taken, just not by someone with younger children.

[kcurran]

It seems like you are going to pass on this one and I truly hope you do.

Your children will be found. I was desperate to be a Mom and made a mistake with a 7 year old RAD dau who has ruined our lives, is no longer with us and now due to her lies and manipulation I have a CPS record for abuse that will ensure that I am never a mom.

Please heed this advice- I wish we had not been so idealistic and naiive and I might still have a hope of being a parent. Just by talking with these kids does not mean the problems do not exist.