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  #1  
Old 06-06-2000, 11:18 AM
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Want a family

Originally Posted By Joan

We want a family so bad and we don't care how old our children are but we worry that the child won't consider us his parents. I want to hear from people who have expierence with this what it is like if my fears are just based on ignorance or what. Thank You
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  #2  
Old 06-06-2000, 03:37 PM
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Re: Want a family

Originally Posted By Jean

We now have two wonderful daughters who we adopted at the age of 3 1/2. The oldest is now 6 and the youngest we have only had in our home for 3 months. They both consider us their Mommy and Daddy. It doesn't take long for children to adapt to a new situation. I'm not sure what might be different in adopting children of 5 or older. I'm sure as with everything else it will vary from child to child.

I would not hesitate to adopt an older child if I were you. They will love you just as much as if they had been born to you and you will certainly love them. We went through the Department of Social Services here in California for both of our adoptions. If you would like to discuss this further please feel free to email me.
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  #3  
Old 06-07-2000, 12:18 PM
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Re: Want a family

Originally Posted By Lorraine

I was 10 when my mum and dad adopted me, we have the most amazing relationship even all the profesionals are amazed at how well it has turned out. As long as you concider what all parties want, you and the child, and when you visit you feel a spark, life when you fall in love, you feel it straight away, its the same with older adoptions, and I see my mum and dad as the two most fantastic people in the world and i am sure the same will happen to you, never give up hope there will be a child or children out there for you who are as needie as you are to have a family, thats a promise.
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  #4  
Old 06-19-2000, 06:18 PM
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Re: Want a family

Originally Posted By Karen

We adopted 2 boys at the ages of 3 and 4. It was nerve racking as these were our "first", but they called us mom and dad from the beginning. Now I look at our nieces and nephews at that same age and think gee, how little they really are at that age. 7 years later, we adopted 2 girls, at the ages of 6 and 7. They were hesitant at first as they did not know us, but very, very soon it was evident they were "chosen" for us as we all 6 bonded very quickly. The younger girl called us mom and dad immediately. The older girl took a little longer - the 5th visit!!! The kids are now 9, 10, 12 1/4 and 14 and we are thinking of adopting again. To us it was so easy. The kids can sit with you and talk to you - communication is important, whereas a baby just cries and cannot tell you what it wants. Maybe we were just very lucky, but I would do it again with older kids in a minute. Good luck
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  #5  
Old 06-24-2000, 11:45 AM
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Re: Want a family

Originally Posted By Liz

We have adopted two "older" children. Our older daughter was 13 when we were matched with her and 14 years old when the adoption was finalized. She is so much like my husband that most people who don't know her history have a very hard time believing she has only been part of our family for 4 years. I expect that we will have a very hard time getting her to leave home someday. She has repeatedly told us that she wants to go to a local college so that she can live at home until she is finished with college and ready to get married!!! Even though we moved her halfway across the country to join our family only a few years ago, I would say she is definately secure about where she belongs and her place in this family. We adopted our younger daughter (age 10) the year after the first. She had been shuffled back and forth between numerous foster homes since she was four. Our younger daughter took about a week to decide that we were "Mommy and Daddy" and only a day or two to decide that our older child was her "Sissy". She has fit in so well that we know it was meant to be. I can't even imagine how we ever considered ourselves to be happy before these children joined our family. They have brought us such joy that I encourage everyone thinking of adoption to consider an older child. Best of luck!
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  #6  
Old 06-29-2000, 03:46 PM
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Re: Want a family

Originally Posted By nj1stealth@aol.com

My husband and I adopted a seven and a half year old girl. Her gradparents had custody and when her grandmother died, and through a series of events, my husband and took her into our home. The adoption actually took awhile because of many complications. Would I do it again? In a heartbeat! She will turn 21 on Sunday and is the most loving, wonderful human-being. We are truly blessed and without a doubt, her parents! Please feel free to e-mail me with questions.
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  #7  
Old 07-16-2000, 01:13 PM
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Re: Want a family

Originally Posted By Helen

Please be very very careful. We adopted two boys when they were 12 and seven. The oldest boy has been hard to raise but is doing okay. The youngest, now aged 15 has been expelled from school for beating up Teachers, takes drugs, steals cars and anthing he can lay his hands on from anybody. We are a law abiding family who love them both desperately, it has nearly killed us and I would never do it again.
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  #8  
Old 10-13-2000, 07:27 PM
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Re: Want a family

Originally Posted By Gloria

Hi, I was a 7 year old child when I was adopted.Now as an adult I have adopted 2 older children and though it is not always easy I would never change it.
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  #9  
Old 01-05-2002, 06:13 PM
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Re: Want a family

Originally Posted By princess31671

How old is old? My husband and I just adopted 2 21/2 year olds from Russia. We're having NO Mom/Dad issues
with them. Bonding took a few weeks(as to be expected) but in just over 6 months they will say we are theirMom and Dad.
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  #10  
Old 01-18-2002, 02:56 AM
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Re: Re: Want a family

WILL THEY REALLY? HAVING TO SAY IT AND KNOWING IT A LIE AS THEY ARE OLDER IS SAD. BUT,HELL,IT SATISFIES THE ADOPTERS EGO.
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  #11  
Old 01-18-2002, 03:00 AM
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Re: Want a family

WHY SHOULD "HE" CONSIDER YOU HIS PARENTS? YOU ARE NOT. YOUR FEARS ARE BASED ON REALITY. YOU ARE NOT A PARENT IF YOU "ADOPT". YOU ARE AN ADOPTER. YOU WOULD BE MUCH HAPPIER IF YOU COULD JUST ACCEPT THAT,AND CERTAINLY THE CHILD WOULD BE LESS CONFUSED AND HAPPY IF YOU DID! IT IS NOT JUST IGNORANCE BUT MEAN AND A LIE TO TELL A CHILD YOU ARE THEIR PARENTS WHEN YOU ARE NOT.
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  #12  
Old 01-25-2002, 03:31 AM
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Re: Re: Re: Want a family

Originally Posted By Tina Rutherford

I'm a BIRTHMOTHER ISO my 3 Sons
From Portland Oregon
Justin Jam Marchand 06/29/89
Jason Jazz Marchand 12/15/90
Christopher King Van Michael Gordon 04/11/92 last seen with foster parents Karen And Steve
in Portland Oregon I am also looking for help on Revocation of Consent because when I was a child in the CSD custody myself they tricked me to giving up my rights of my 3 boys I was mislead to believe that I was getting my boys back in 1993 when they had me sighn papres that the refused to let me read but the said to me if i didnt sighn them that day they wouldn't let me see my kids again REMINDER I was also in thier custody at this time there is a picture of my youngest son Rryuji who is with me becaus ei left OREGON on time befor they could steal any more children i tried to have and he looks like his stolen brother Jason to a T and i miss and love then and want them back so bad ya know i have a good home and a good heart I never ever hurt any of my children i haave hospital records as proof of the exact opposite of what ther accused me of all this time they just kicked it out of court but still woulnt return my children i think because my age and possably because i was in thier custody and they thought they could get away with stealing my children from me. I dont know but if you know them or see them or hear about them or even think that they might be them please contact me i begg you
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  #13  
Old 01-25-2002, 03:31 AM
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Re: Re: Re: Want a family

Originally Posted By Tina Rutherford

I'm a BIRTHMOTHER ISO my 3 Sons
From Portland Oregon
Justin Jam Marchand 06/29/89
Jason Jazz Marchand 12/15/90
Christopher King Van Michael Gordon 04/11/92 last seen with foster parents Karen And Steve
in Portland Oregon I am also looking for help on Revocation of Consent because when I was a child in the CSD custody myself they tricked me to giving up my rights of my 3 boys I was mislead to believe that I was getting my boys back in 1993 when they had me sighn papres that the refused to let me read but the said to me if i didnt sighn them that day they wouldn't let me see my kids again REMINDER I was also in thier custody at this time there is a picture of my youngest son Rryuji who is with me becaus ei left OREGON on time befor they could steal any more children i tried to have and he looks like his stolen brother Jason to a T and i miss and love then and want them back so bad ya know i have a good home and a good heart I never ever hurt any of my children i haave hospital records as proof of the exact opposite of what ther accused me of all this time they just kicked it out of court but still woulnt return my children i think because my age and possably because i was in thier custody and they thought they could get away with stealing my children from me. I dont know but if you know them or see them or hear about them or even think that they might be them please contact me i begg you
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  #14  
Old 03-12-2002, 03:42 PM
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Re: Want a family

Originally Posted By Sheryl

Hello Joan!
I felt compelled to reply to your message. My husband and I adopted four siblings internationally very recently... we brought them home right before Christmas 2001. They are ages 4, 6, 12 and 13. You have to expect that they probably won't consider you as "Mom and Dad" right from day one. They will have been told that you are thier mom and dad now, and they may even call you ma-ma and daddy as our youngest two did, but they may not even really understand the concept of a mom and dad... especially if they come from an orphanage. They day I knew that our children were really accepting me as their mommy was when they told me they loved me. Our thirteen year old daughter still hasn't said I love you, but when I hug her and kiss her and she pretends to hate it and acts embarassed, all the while beaming from ear to ear, I know she's happy.

I know that the four and six year old really feel inside that we're their mom and dad, and I know that the older two love us and consider us to be thier parents, but I think it will take them a little longer to really internalize the feeling.

The thing is... well, that really isn't a matter of concern for me. I am so happy each and every day just seeing them happy! I haven't had any birth children, and I wanted children so badly. With my soft heart, I really expected to feel hurt if the children didn't completely accept me right away. Now that I'm in the situation though, I would think something was wrong if they did! The children have had a lot of hurt in their young lives, and they should be expected to be reserved for awhile.

That's not to say that they don't love us... they most certainly do. Our children don't speak much English, and I'm sure that has slowed things down a little too, but please don't let that turn you off of foreign children if you are considering that option.

This is probably rambling and not very well said, but the main thing I want to say is that when you adopt the happiness of the children becomes much more important than your own. As a matter of fact, your happiness doesn't even come into play any longer, because you're just happy! Period!

Older children, foreign children, children with special needs if you're up to the challenge... they all are deserving of a good home. And if you have the patience and understanding... and the guts to take that step, you will certainly receive unbelievable blessings!

If you are looking for children who will simply love you and think the world revolves around you, you may realistically want to stick with younger children. Our 4 and 6 year old come running every day when I come home from work... Mommy! Mommy! Good Morning! (Even though I work evenings ) I have to admit... there has never been anything that has made me happier in my life!

Good luck with whatever you choose... I sincerely mean that!
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