[dimasmom]

I am wondering when to talk with my son about the cycling associated with bipolar. He's 10 1/2, just seeing signs of puberty and less stability with his bipolar. His cycling is mild, but effects his self esteem.

I have talked with him briefly about bipolar, but not much detail. He receives wrap around supports, and one of the requirements is to be in therapy. Unfortunately this therapist is not really up on post-institutionalization or bipolar (but thats a whole "nother" post). Her advise is to not tell him anything about bipolar until he is older. She feels he would use it as an excuse for his misbehavior. While yes, he may tend to manipulate this (like many kids would) - I still feel it would be better for his self esteem to better understand what is happening may sometimes be difficult for him to control.

I presently manage his cycling behaviorally. If he is full of anxiety - I use reassurance. If he is hostile/defiant/oppostional - then I tell him if he cannot treat me better he needs to go to his room. If he is hyper/verbal diarrhea/irriatating behavior - I simply insist that if he needs to do whatever it is that is irritating - then he needs to do it in another part of the house. For the mild depression - I just throw interesting ideas his way, and do not let him mope about in his bedroom or on the sofa. Sometimes I have to be the motivator for entertainment, but usually can get him engaged pretty easily.

Any ideas/insight gratefullyappreciated.

DimasMom

[lucyjoy]

I guess I would ask myself, what would knowing he's bipolar do for him? Is the therapist right about him using it to excuse his behavior? Can he benefit from the knowledge and are their things that knowing that, would allow him to regulate his own behavior? Is he participating in his own treetment?

I never withheld information from my children, but I never volunteered information that wouldn't help them. Most my children didn't no reactive attachment disorder had a name until they were well on their way to healing.

My ADHD kids I made more aware of their illness and what things were more of a trigger for them. This was important so they could learn to regulate their disorder. They needed to know about the disorganization so they could help develop a system to help them get done what they needed or wanted to do. They needed to know what foods made them more hyper and less focused so they could make choices.

Bottom line for me was what were the benefits. RAD kids will use RAD as an excuse to be a pain. ADHD kids had choices this would help them with.

What would your son gain from knowing he's bi-polar at this age?
How would it help his self esteeme? That's what I'd ask myself.

[Dr. Art]

I do think that at 10 a child can begin to learn about his/her bipolar disorder as a way of understanding his/her moods and difficulties. It helps to reduce the shame associated with "bad behavior." and helps the child be able and open to learning strategies to manage his illness. There are some excellent books for children about bipolar disorder at several sites that you may want to look at. I've got a few links on my website on my links page.

Regards

[dimasmom]

Thanks so much Lucyjoy and Art.

I feel my son does need to start learning about his disability but to have it presented in a style that explains without providing excuses (kinda like the puberty stuff we are also talking about).
I think it will help his self esteem to understand as the mania often triggers a big dip in how he feels about himself.

I did order the book - Matt the Moody Hermit Crab, and it's accompanying guide. I need to read it first. It does have a section on hospitalization and I just want to make sure that concept is not too alarming for my son. I really don't anticipate him needing hospitalization as his symptoms are on the mild end and don't want to alarm him. Probably will just preface that chapter with a talk.

DimasMom

[Jennifr1966]

Before I give my one-cent (Not worth two cents lol), let me first warn you I am TOTALLY NEW at this! I don't even have a formal treatment plan (yet). Unfortunately, that's due to finances. (Don't worry. We're working on it.)
Anyway, my daughter has only recently turned five, and yet it wasn't worth holding back too much. She's just too bright. She has told me on numerous occasions that she knows something is wrong and that she just can't help herself sometimes. So what I've been doing is helping HER to "label" her different "moods." She names them things like her "silly" mood and she knows that is different from when she's simply laughing and playing, able to stop. She also has what she calls her "sad" mood, when sometimes in the middle of playing and having fun, she all of a sudden wants to throw herself on the floor, and call herself curse words. She basically makes up her own curse words, but they are not nice!
Because she is able to distinguish between her 'regular' times and her times she is unable to control herself, she and I, together, came up with a plan. As soon as she "catches" herself heading there, she is to come up to me and say, "Mommy, I'm in one of my moods." We immediately excuse ourselves (I don't care WHAT is going on!), and I help her through it. For whatever reason, when she's in her "sad" mood, she doesn't want to be held. That's one way I can tell it's different from she's simply upset about something. Then it's cuddle all the way.
Perhaps I'm doing this in an unconventional way, and it might not be the correct advice at all. I just know that it's been helping her alot to be able to assert a little bit of control over the disorder, instead of the other way around!
By the way. I might ask this question again in a separate thread, but ... other than "feeling" something was wrong, did most parents of this disorder *notice* something unusual that made them contact a doctor? For me, it was almost two months before her fifth birthday, when she started screaming that she wanted to die. All I did was suggest that we change clothes now, so they didn't get dirty! NOT a typical behavior from this very sweet, loving child.
Hope this helps some. If you have any questions (or comments!) I'm Jennifr1966@aol.com
God bless!!

[Dr. Art]

That can be a helpful approach. I'd still want to get her evaluated by a therapist who is well trained and experienced because if your child has a mood disorder there are a variety of effective treatment interventions that you'd want to begin using.

Regards,