[Sabra]

Hi Parents:

I really admire those parents that have large families. To me any family with 4 or more children these days is a large family.

One of my closest friends has 7 children. We have a lot of fun with all of their children. There are some differences particular to smaller families and larger families.

What are ways that other families can most support large families?

Thank you for your time to reply.

[debsdone]

Sabra, I love your topics. I have 5 children, but I am not sure I understand the question. would you mind explaining what you are looking for? Thanks, Debi

[Sabra]

Hi Deb:

Thanks for your post. Glad you like the topics!!!

Regarding my question about "How can other families most support large families?" I was asking about things that other families can do or friends can help with. I would think it would take a lot of energy and organization to parent a large family.

What are some things that help a mom that is raising a large family?

Any ideas perhaps, Deb? What do you enjoy about large families?

I have noticed that some of my friends that have grown up in large families wish to have large families also. I think that says a lot about their family experience.

[denise marie]

i have 4 soon to be 5 children in my home.My gf helps me bye watching my children a couple times a month so hubby and i can have a night out.To me that is a BIG thing.As far as having a large family goes...I wouldnt have it anyother way.I am a stay home mom which helps alot.The only one that really suports me is my gf who is always there if i truly need her.I also do what i can for her and her 2 children.My parents are very supportive as well my mom knows what its like to have a large family as im number 5 of 6 kids.mom and dad will take the 2 girls over night orthen take the boys the following night.It is nice when it happens.Family support is a wonderful thing to have .I dont want it often though as i love to be with my children as much as i can.

[debsdone]

I have a few friends who have always been supportive of our family. Available to spend an occational weekend with them so hubby and I could attend a seminar or something. But with 13 years between the oldest and the youngest, we were mostly self-supportive. I always longed for more support from my parents, but that wasn't going to happen. And my husband's family is in New Zealand so we were on our own! Personally, I found that having my friends simply get to know my kids was a huge help. I could talk about them to someone who knew and loved them too! Too often, people would see them as a group, rather than as individuals. That always bugged me. I have known people for 15 years who still refer to them as "that one" or "the tall one". I once had a photo taken of the 5 of them, with each one holding a "prop" that represented their personal intrests. (great pic by the way) Anyways, the other thing I would say is , don't be afraid to invite a large family to a party! LOL Or.....if you are hesitant to have that many children, be honest with them. I have never expected to be invited to things where my kids would be a bother. But it would have been nicer to have people say, "I don't feel comfortable with alot of kids here", rather than, "Oh, I figured the kids would be bored so we didn't invite you!" Having kids makes me a very busy mom, but it didn't make me stupid! Now they are older and are very sought after for parties, as they have very entertaining personalities! I love my large family and enjoy our time together. I hope to always have vacations together, including the grandchildren who should be a part of our lives before too long now! (In the next few years anyways) Love, Debi

[lucyjoy]

I have 8 children, and we hve lots of fun, but they don't get to do a lot of extra things.(Even Mcdonalds multiplied by 10 is expensive). It helps when friends who have children close to my children's ages will take one along somewhere fun. My sister will sometimes just take one of the kids for a day just to hang out(and she swiches kids so everyone gets a turn). My inlaws will take two at a time and spoil them rotten.

We like to do things as a family. We go to the park a lot and have enough people to play any sport we want. We also have a swimming pool in our yard and everyone knows how to swim.

[mrbeansmom]

I have 6, soon to be 7 or 8, children. Several of my children have significant special needs. What I find to be my greatest problem is the isolation. Because two of my children in particular cannot behave in public it makes it difficult for us to have a life outside of our home. We dearly miss going to church. My oldest two children attend a local church, but there has been no outreach to the rest of the family at all and that reallyu saddens me because it's not the first church this has happened with.

I guess all of this is to say that, for me personally, I would love it if someone just called every now and again to see if I was still alive. I love my kids and I love being here with them, but it does get lonely sometimes not having an adult to talk with. Also, there have been times where we had emergencies and no one to turn to. It would be nice to be able to call someone and know that they could come and be with the kids for a time in such cases.

[momx8]

Having been the oldest of six children, I found raising my own eight to be not much of challenge. I love having a large family. My kids range in age from 28 yrs to 6 yrs old. Currently, we also have a 3 month old foster daughter here as well. Out of my eight only three are left at home. I cannot tell you how much I miss my grown children. They are not just my kids but also my best friends.
I am very grateful for the church we attended when the kids were small. Most of us home schooled and shared the responsibility of our children's education. We swapped children once a week in order to teach them a subject that each of us were skilled in. For instance, I am a nurse so I would teach the kids first aid, nutrition, and related health topics. Others would teach my kids Spanish, Piano, sewing, drama etc. Not only did my kids get the benefit of the adult's knowledge, but they also were then exposed to another person's teaching style.
My husband has been very helpful to me and takes an active role in raising our children. I don't think I could have successfully raised our children without him.
Kathy in Colorado

[mrbeansmom]

Kathy,

Where in CO are you? We used to foster there too through Lutheran Family Services. We were in Denver. Three of our four adopted children came from CO.

[DonnaLynn]

I always wanted 6 kids 3boys and 3girls..

Well life being what it is and pregnancy almost killing me I had 2 boys and had to stop..

Well life being what it is once again... I remarried my husband has 4 kids 2 boys 2 girls.

We now have 6 between us 21-8

the oldest is on her own with her 2 kids of her own and is in pre-med..

the next is 18 soon to graduate and next fall off to college for pre-law
After that we will have 2 @15 /1 @12 and 1@ 8...

Praying for the Blessing of a baby girl to love and raise...

Large families require love work and patience.

And a SENSE OF HUMOR!!!

My dearest friend said I should have an orphanage to run because i love kids so much..
I laughed and told her it wouldnt be an orphanage if I ran it ... It would be...

My Family

Keep the Joy

[DianeS]

When I was a teen, I was friends with a girl whose family was HUGE, and formed mainly through adoption of special-needs children. So these points of view come from her mother:

1- Please try to see each of the children as an individual.
It was common in our "group" for the parents of children who were having parties to invite the child's friends AND all their siblings. It was not conceivable to invite all the kids in this one family, so they often got left off the invite list entirely. The mother spent a lot of time convincing people she never treated her children identically, and that it was perfectly all right to only invite one or two of them to a special event.

2- Don't assume that a large family needs "all the help it can get".
For them, having such a large family was a choice, and one they could afford by putting their minds to it. They certainly didn't need, and often resented, the "gifts" some unthinking people would give to them. Like completely worn-out clothes. Same with advice, but I'm sure every parent feels like they get too much advice!

3- When you want time with the adults, realize how expensive babysitting can be, and invite the whole family somewhere free, or be willing to brave their house and sit at the kitchen table!
My friend's mom often joked that the only time she got uninterrupted adult conversation was at the playground. She could take all her children there, and sit on a bench with another adult and talk. Also appreciated were other "early birds" who would come over for coffee at 6:00, before the children woke up. (But those visitors had better not comment on the clutter!)

4- Only offer to help with what you can handle.
Keeping an eye on so many children isn't for everyone. Don't offer to baby sit ALL of them if you aren't sure you can handle it. Offer to baby sit for 2 of them if that's all you can handle. If you take two, and someone else takes three, and a teenager is hired for only the remaining few, that makes it an affordable get-away time for the parents. And it certainly beats having someone watch them all, realize it's beyond them, and never offer to help baby sit ever again.

This particular woman was very good at telling you what she needed, if you were foolhardy enough to ask. I often babysat her 5 toddlers with Down Syndrome in the church nursery alone--We would be supposed to do it together, she's mention how tired she was, I'd say she could nap if she needed to, and she would! Not everyone is good at letting people know their needs, though. Maybe that's something the parents of large families could work at.

Hope that helps!

[Kelleylee]

Hi, I'm new to this topic... and hoping to make some new friends here. I'm an adoptive mom to 5 small ones... 1 girl-4, 1 boy-will be 4 on the 13th, 1 boy-3, 1 boy-1, and 1 boy 11 mos! I have one bio daughter, she's 19 and well... honesty being the best policy..... she's not much help . I love my babies! Only the girl and the 11 mo are sibs... I'm throughly enjoying my life with my new kids, my husband and now I'm a stay at home mom... Okay... now here's the problem... I hope you all don't mind me gripping for just a moment.... Friends that constantly come over during nap time!! I've told them, I've put signs on the doorbell, I've asked politely... I'm not rude and don't get into any confrontations... okay.. I have been somewhat of a doormat. Or friends that come over around 6p-7p right during fixing dinner or eating dinner... I've got a slew of them but those are the pet peeves... I do love the occasional meal my friends fix for us and love all the clothes... but I'm realizing I don't like to entertain in my home anymore, I don't like friends that bring they're young ones with them, expecially when mine are asleep... or they come here ... gosh, I'll stop!!! I can hear myself whining! Thanks for listening..

[DonnaLynn]

If your friends are cooperative ..

Then this one could be this easy.


Plan play dates. Pick certain hours during the week for the kids to play (moms to chat) Plan maybe one potluck night with everyone bringing a dish. And this is the best one.

Once a month all the girlfriends go out for dinner a moive or just walk the mall..Daddy's can handle the little ones for 4 hours or so.

By making a schedual you show your not as readily available as you once were. And people usually tend to respect that...


Good Luck

And I am still thinking on other ideas..

I am glad your blessed with so many good friends.

Donna

[Kelleylee]

Hi Donna,
Thanks for taking the time to listen to me whining! You know, that's a good idea.. the planning a play date. I hadn't thought of that.
That would stop all this. I'll let you know how it goes!! Kelley

[DonnaLynn]

I started out with just 2 boys..

My house always ends up being That House on the block all the kids end up playing at.. So I end up knowing all the parents as well..

Well, I am remarried and there are 5 kids the live here and are in and out for visitation. And depending on which kids are home ..
Tells me how many Extras I will have..

I try to make it a planned event with the parents so the house is some semblence of tidy and coffee is ready.

Good Luck