[mom2gracelyn]

Sigh! I'm somewhere between , , and ! My little darling has a problem with coloring in her reader books. At least once a day she gets put in time-out for this. She had her 2 year checkup yesterday (a whole other funny story in itself) so I got her some new books, coloring books (I can't stop), and some crayons since she's been tolerating me coloring with her, even though it usually turns into a spelling match. Anyway, she liked one of the new coloring books because it had words in it and she would ask us to read the pages to her. Later, I caught her coloring in her reading book, with her coloring book right next to her! I explained that we do NOT color in our reader books, just in the coloring books; to which she replied, "but I was reading that book" (pointing to the coloring book). All the while looking at me like I was an idiot. My husband had to leave the room so she wouldn't see him laughing. What can you say? She's right, but not quite, you know? My mother often comments on how dd is so much like my brother. They would do things that were disobedient, but had a genuine answer for why they did it, like it made since to them. My brother wanted to go across the street one time to go to his friend's house. Mom told him no and that he was not to go across the street. Later, she found him at his friend's house, across the street. She punished him, but he was very confused as to why she was so mad. She said it was because she told him not to go across the street. He said, 'I didn't...I went under the street." The street had a culvert and he was very serious, not just being disobedient. He was never 'labeled gifted' and mom always said he had book sense and no common sense and that's what she once said about dd, but I think it is something deeper than that. A very different way of thinking, but I can already tell that there will be problems distinguishing between just being downright disobedient or just divergent thinking, particularly from others that aren't familiar with how she is on a day to day basis. Have any of you run into these sorts of issues?

[MissyB9479]

I think you are just going to have to explain the "why's" of things to her so that she can understand. A book is a book- why can't I color in both? I think she is mature enough to understand that reader books are more expensive then coloring books so we have to take care of them so that they last longer. Or whatever other reasons you have for not allowing coloring in reader books (they make it harder to read the words for example). Make sure that she understands, at least for herself, why not to do it. This is a child for whom "Because I said so" might never be a good answer. It is a good trait because she will question the conventional wisdom and won't just do what everyone else is doing. But it might be hard for you.

Once she understands why she shouldn't do it then you can use natural punishment if she disobeys. Instead of time out take away all her reader books until she is able to show that she is mature enough to use them. She can still have them but only when you are around. Or you could explain that you can't buy any extra goodies this week because you have to spend your money to replace the book she colored in. That way her punishment is the direct result of her actions.

It's also possible that she can't tell the difference between the two. Maybe keeping them in different places or drawing a happy face on the front of the coloring books will help her be able to tell which ones are ok to color in and which ones aren't.

[tobeafamily]

Honestly, first I'd ask myself what the problem was with her coloring in her 'reader' books. They're hers, right? So if she wants to mess them up by coloring in them, that's her perogative. She'll learn when she can't read them because of the coloring that it's not a good idea.

Now if she colors in YOUR reader books, and you've told her not to, then there should be a natural consequence - like losing her crayons for a day.

This is what we did with Ryan. We gave him his books. He colored in them. He got unhappy because a few were colored so much we couldn't read them anymore. We empathized - yes, they were good books, now they're pretty but we can't read them. No, we weren't going to go get another one. So, we'll just have to read another. Now he doesn't color in his 'favorite' books anymore because he likes to read them.

Have you checked out Love & Logic parenting? We've found it very helpful with our 'inquisitive attorney' son. He's very thoughtful, very into cause-and-effect, and very curious. Triple the fun! What I outlined above is a natural consequence of coloring in reader books - making them illegible so they can't be read and she can't hear/read the story any longer. Coloring in other people's books = lose the crayons. Again, natural consequence of behavior.

JMHO

Regina

[angelkisses0102]

I must explain everything to my debater! She can 'logic' around anything...her logic...but it makes sense...so we do not punish unless she outright disobeys. I simply explain and that tends to work best. (See my response to Red about tantrums....it sort of addresses this same issue.)

I agree with taking away the books...but that may not work...my DD will just wait it out and find something else to hold her interest.

Good luck...these little ones are fun but challenging!

[mom2gracelyn]

Angel, I'm glad you got a chuckle at my expense. HA! Thanks for everyone's replies and suggestions. I'll try anything. She just cracks me up (most of the time) with the things she comes up with. I haven't tried explaining to her, yet. I guess I haven't gotten in the frame of mind that I CAN explain these things to my two-year old. Yes, I saw the thread on the tantrums and she cannot be consoled or anything explained when she is having these tantrums. You just have to step back and let her get it out, whether it be 15 minutes or two hours. Regina-I have not heard of Love & Logic parenting. I'll have to look into it. Missy-thanks for the refresher on punishment being the direct result of her actions. Again, I'm just not used to being able to reason with a two year old and you would think this would stick with me, but alas, it doesn't. Time outs have worked really well up until recently, but I'm starting to see the effectiveness wear off. Thanks to all of you!

[mroot]

mom2gracelyn - I feel your pain sister!! I don't know that I would label my son as "gifted" but he is very articulate and above-average intelligence for a three year old. For example, he is a very picky eater. We told him that when he turns four, he will have to eat what mommy and daddy eat, that we will not be fixing special things just for him. After all, this approach worked well with passies - we told him the passies go away at three and it worked like a charm!! The other day, I tried to get him to try something new and he says, "I'm not four yet, Mommy." GULP! So what do you do with that?!! He got me!!

As far as discipline, I use a book called 1-2-3 Magic and it is great! The things you want her to STOP doing, you count. For example, whining. If she starts, simply say, "That's one." Give her 5 seconds and if she hasn't stopped or repeats the behavior, say "That's two." Give her 5 more seconds and if she hasn't stopped or repeats the behavior again, say "That's three. Take two (or however minutes of time out she gets)" and send her promptly to time out. My son doesn't like it, so that means it works!! He goes to time out and shuts his own gate and yells, "Mom! Let's talk about this! I'm going to be a good listener! I want to say I'm sorry! Let's talk about this!!" So we are convinced he's going to be a lawyer!!!