[Tami35]

Hello,

Who here has either had a child or adopted a child at the age of 35 or older? If you have, do you believe it is easier to parent at an older age or harder?

We are thinking of adopting again in a few years, and wondering what you all think about the parents age!

Tami

[janeliz]

Hi. We adopted our first when I was almost 35, and our second when I was 39. I think with adoption in particular, that older age might be a benefit. We are now faced with attachment disorder in our first child. Our second is a product of rape and there were alcohol and drugs in pregnancy. I believe that our maturity may help us deal with these issues. We have had many life experiences and are more able to get through difficulties than when we were younger.

The only downside for us is how old we will be by the time they are leaving home, and the general energy level and physical fitness needed to raise little ones!

I believe God will give you the right child for your time in life, and that age should not be a deterrent to adoption.

[kathyandjoe5]

We are 39 and 41 and parents of 2 boys.we adopted in 2001 2 boys natural brothers 8 and 2 months, we have just come home from guatemala with 2 boys a 6 year old and 1 year old. We are also adopting our last child from mexico orph. a 9 year old girl. Any age would be fine to adopt the older children are a blessing and very helpful the 1 year olds are equally a blessing. It is what every you choice. I could and would not pick one age over the other all children need loving homes. I am glad we waited we are probably better parents than we would have been in our 20s

[Bcelli]

I was 42 when my husband and I adopted our 5.5 month old son from Russia. I'm pushing 46 and we're in the process of adopting son No. 2. To me, there is a definite benefit to being an older mom. I interact differently with my son than I have noticed parents and his contemporaries do. I talk to him on a different level and in retrun he has matured at a greater rate than most of his peers. Additionally, he has a tendency to be much more courteous, much more level headed and much less prone to negative outbursts. (which is not to say he doesn't have his moments. He's a perfectly normal kid.) I think, in my case, were I younger when we adopted, I wouldn't have had the maturity to interact with him in the way I do. The downside, of course, does not affect him so much now as when he begins to get older and there is a noticeable difference between me and the parents of his friends. I don't have the energy level of a 20 year old. But I have confidence in our relationship that when those times come, he will be sufficiently armed to deal with them. I think more than anything it is not age that matters nearly so much as the level of maturity and commitment to the relationship.

[Linny]

...we adopted our first two at the ages of 23 and 25. I always said that 'I wanted to be done with adoption by the age of 25."

well, gee......was I wrong....and so was hubby!!!!!! We have adopted infants and older children; and this past year, finalized on a private adoption of a newborn. And.....we have submitted for another infant. Will we be done then? I think so, though my husband says, "who knows?"

And our ages? We will both be 46 this spring!!!!

I think there are pros and cons to adopting as an older parent. I do think a lot has to do with 'if you are adopting older children or infants'. Our first two were infants adopted overseas. They were in their pre-teen years when we decided to adopt older children.


While I would have been the first in line for older adoptions a few years ago; not so anymore. After having one child with reactive attachment disorder...lived in our home for four years, the danger he caused and dealing with his 'unattachment...even in a residential home....our family just about 'lost it'. During this time, we also adopted an older sib group (then 6 and 3), and even though they have some issues, they are bonded and part of the family.

This last adoption has been of a newborn and such a blessing to our family!!!!!

Being older doesn't mean you have to 'think' older. I notice things like not being able to carry the baby in my arms long distances......so, I carry the baby in a backpack (no problem). I used a backpack for the first two also; but I notice the 'front carrying' in my back more. My hands get a little more sore than at 23 and 25.....but 'my heart is into it' and I seem to have more patience. I also don't mind losing sleep as much as I did back then!

Overall, I think I enjoy parenting more than I did at an earlier age. And I think that, aside from the nightmarish adoption of our first 'older son'.......adoption at an older age has been quite wonderful!

Sincerely,

Linny

[dmanion]

We adopted our daughter when I was 43, she is now 4. My son was born just last may. I know I am a better parent than when I was younger. Most of the parents I come in contact with, at my daughter's pre-school and son's day care, are close to my age, it's rare to find a mom in her 20's now-a-days....go for it!!! It's the BEST!

[debsdone]

35 is young! Many of my friends are starting their families in their 40s. I had my first at 21 and my last at 34. I vote for older! LOL I am SUCH a better mom now. In my 20s I was a good mom, but I was still young and without too much life experience. Plus I wasn't as well off financially. While that isn't everything, it helps with the stress levels! I think part of it, for me, was having seen how fast the time had gone with the older kids. I sat on my butt and rocked babies whenever I possibly could in my 30s! My kids still will cuddle with me and they are 13 (boy) and 11 (girl). (My 19 yr old is 6'2" 200lbs, he tries to cuddle but...LOL) My girls are 22 and 24 and they are real huggy with me but they cuddle the little 2. It is just so nice! Good luck to you, you have TONS of years left! Love, Debi

[dwarren]

I was 45 when we adopted our newborn in 2001. I just love hearing her say Mommy. Sure I don't have the energy of a 25 year old but I do have a lot of patience to deal with a child that is turning 2 in a week. I cherish everyone of her accomplishments. It's one of the best things that ever happened to me. I could go on and on but I won't.

Just an FYI, my sister is 45 and her husband is 49 and their adopting their 1st child.

Life is beautiful!

Di

[dwarren]

I was 45 when we adopted our newborn in 2001. I just love hearing her say Mommy. Sure I don't have the energy of a 25 year old but I do have a lot of patience to deal with a child that is turning 2 in a week. I cherish everyone of her accomplishments. It's one of the best things that ever happened to me. I could go on and on but I won't.

Just an FYI, my sister is 45 and her husband is 49 and their adopting their 1st child.

Life is beautiful!

Di

[kate97]

I wouldn't even give it a second thought. It is a great idea. My parents had my sister at 32 and then found out they couldn't have anymore children. I wasn't adopted till 5 years later. Age doesn't matter when it comes to giving a child a loving home.

[drewnphilipmom]

I am 35 and just adopted Andrew he was 2 days when he came home with us. I have a 13 year old as well. I was 21 when he was born. I am a much better parent this time around. I enjoy being a mom. Before I didn't know what I was doing or know how to cherish what God have given me. Ithink being an older parent has so manymore benefits. We are now in the process of doing it again so I will be at least 36 or 37. My older son teases me about going to College Freshman oreintation and Kindergarten Roundup the same year. But I would not have it any other way.

Cathy

[lucyjoy]

Is 35 old? I know I don't feel old.

[JAK]

I find this all very encouraging to here all of your stories.

We were married at 26 and 28, then dealt with infertility for 10 years before we pursued adoption. By the time we adopted our little boy from Colombia, we were 38 and 40 (and he was 10 weeks old).

There are pluses and minuses for our age. I feel much more level headed than I was in my 20's and I'm much much more patient. Our marriage is very solid after 15 years so I think that helps Lucas see a loving relationship also. We also had 12 years to play and go on the trips that we wanted to do. The downside is I won't be "41" and still "look young" when my son graduates (like my mother did when her oldest son graduated from high school) but that is my own expectation and its dangerous to compare ourselves to others (for me at least). Energy level is an issue for me but I'm told it would be for anyone with my very energetic son. I'm 41 (for one more month) and my husband is 44 and we're hoping to do another adoption from Guatemala in the next year and adopt a little girl, infant to two years old.

Go for it!

[daisey1]

I am 38 & we have been certified for a couple of months. Because my husband & I just became the guardians of our two nephews ages 2 & 3 our counselor told us they would place our birthparent letter on hold & not for viewing.

We have no children of our own & we are only helping out my brother & his girlfriend for 6mo to a year. Do you think that our agency is being fair? I have mixed feelings.

Let me know your thoughts?

[reneeof3]

Give me a break! I'm 46 and adopted a newborn and I shed 37 pounds, I can give so much more stability, time, and I'm loving every minute along with my 43 yr old husband. It's only made us become kids again ourselves. We're far more active now than when I had two bio kids at a very young age. now I'm also a grandma of one week. Anyway, if you take care of yourself, eat right, exercise, and have a good frame of mind and throw out the myths about "age", then you'll be fine.

Just my take on it!