[Amandak249]

Today is garbage day. I’m visiting my mother for a few weeks in the summer. My mother has a brownstone in NYC. Our neighbors and we share a front yard area (very small) and our backyards are seperated by large fences. We have no relationship with my neighbors- they are a young couple with a 16 (ish) year old son & a baby girl. They aren’t friendly, and we never speak. We have had a few slightly bad experiences in the past- but nothing major. Just them being annoying, essentially.

When we put out the garbage, there is a place behind our SHARED house that is designated for garbage bags and recycling. To help out my mother, who lives alone, I brought out all the garbage bags this morning. I went out for the day, and returned home a few hours ago. I found a bag of garbage completely emptied on my side steps (where we enter the house.) When I brought my mother outside to show her, she pointed out that I had put some of the garbage on the WRONG side of the street light behind the house. On the left is our side and on the right is our neighbor’s side. There was plenty of room, and it was not blocking their garage entrance or anything like that. It was merely on the wrong side.( I didn’t even know there WERE sides!)

I knew immediately that it was our crappy neighbors. They must have seen the garbage on their side when they took our their trash, and instead of moving it TWO FEET to “ our side”, or ringing my doorbell and asking me to please move it and informing me of my mistake, they cut open one of the smallest bags and littered it’s contents all over the stairs.

My mother was passive about it, and wanted to ignore the situation. I was angry. After taking about 30 minutes to cool off, I walked to their door and rang the doorbell. The 16ish year old son answered. I asked for his parents, and he informed me that they weren’t in. I told him the story, and began to tell him how next time my garbage is in the wrong place, if they notice, if they could please come and tell me so no one moves it. The son is trying hard not to snicker the entire time- he was almost laughing. I told him that I didn’t think it was so funny. I made it like I was asking their assistance, rather than accusing them. Then, the father, the one who “wasn’t home” comes to the door and asks if he can help me. I tell him that yes, he can. I explained the situation again. I told him that I have been putting out the garbage incorrectly the past 2 weeks because I do not normally live in the house- I’m visiting. Finally, asked him to please tell me if he notices the garbage on the wrong side again, so no creep comes and throws it all over the stairs. He was flabbergasted, and told me that yes, he would. He also added that he saw the garbage thrown all over the side street this morning, at 8AM when he went to work. I know that’s not true. I took the dog for a walk around 2Pm today, and there was nothing there. I did not call them on their lie. I thanked them for their assistance, and walked back to the house.

Was I wrong? My mother, who is in her mid sixties, lives alone the majority of the time. She helps them out by mowing their side of the front lawn, and has helped them in other small ways over the past year or so when they have never shown an ounce of friendliness towards us. I was angry. I am 100% sure it was them- no one else goes back into that ally-way. We are the only two families who place our cans back there.

I am usually not aggressive, but this struck a nerve with me. They could have moved it over a bit, or better yet, they could have COME TO MY DOOR and ask me to please move it, rather then go out of their way to empty it onto my stairs. They went out of their way to be rude, it would have been easier to do the right thing and come have a chat with me. No one mistreats my mother on purpose. That annoyed me. She’s older and would never stick up for herself, but I am in my twenties and I totally would. It might have been the son, or the parents, but either way it was wrong. I would have happily moved it and would have placed it in the correct place every time in the future had I been made aware of the problem.

I wanted some input. Should I just have ignored it? Or was I right in making them aware that "I knew what was going on" If it happens again ( which it won't because I will place our garbage on our side) I will call the police.

[Dickons]

Amanda,

You did exactly what I would have done. No one messes with my mom and gets away with it.

Kind regards,
Dickons

[EZ2Luv]

I would have done the exact same thing. However, the only concern I would have is being that you do not live with your Momma all the time, if you call the police and start a battle, what happens when you aren't around? Are these people going to be spiteful toward your mom?
I would just wait and see. They know that you are aware of the situation. Now you know where the garbage should go so there shouldn't be any more problems.

EZ

[Amandak249]

I went and got the empty garbage bags today- and they hadn't done anything else. If they are stupid enough to try something again- I'll call the cops as I said, but I wouldn't do it without my mom's permission. I asked her yesterday if she wanted me to go over there- and she didn't mind. She was so less offended than I was - I'm still hotheaded and in my 20's haha.


Ugh, such jerks. I don't suspect there will be any more problems. We'll continue to be civil and hope they have the brains to do the same!

[JustPeachy]

I think you handled this appropriately.

[RavenSong]

Amanda, I think you handled the situation wisely. I do, however, agree with EZ2Luv's concern over the possible repercussions if you do decide to call the police in the future. It would be one thing if you actually lived with your Mom 24/7, but I think it could create a huge can of worms that she'd have to deal with on her own.

One thing I've discovered over the years, dealing with many, many different neighbors is that things escalate horribly when the police get involved. Years ago, I called the police on some noisy biker neighbors (they were Hell's Angels)...let's just say I learned my lesson on that one. I really do try to work out differences with neighbors these days, although to be honest, now that I live on my own acreage up in the mountains, I don't have very many problems anymore. Plus, my nearest neighbor used to be the county sheriff, so he keeps potential problems at bay for us. (I have felt sooo much safer since he and his family moved in.)

I bet it was the 16-year-old who spilled the garbage. He probably told you his parents weren't home because he was afraid his dad would suspect him...