[Dee1234]

How is parenting after 35 different than parenting at a younger age?

I will be 37 next month, so I am curious what to expect when I finally become a mom.

[LisaCA]

I think it's individual. I'm more patient, more interested in parenting. I don't worry about my career or what other people thought when I quit my tenure-tracked teaching job for dd-I'd never have done that at, say 30. I was too driven.

I may not be as flexible as I was (the knees just don't like the twice a day kneeling next to the tub), but I'm still active at 44.

anyway, I'd say it's the fact that I'm ready to parent and I wasn't say 10 years ago. different priorities. not bad, just different.

[MatthewS]

Well, my wife is 35 and I'm 36 and we are in the midst of adopting a 5 year old. We were both too busy to be parents when we got married 8 years ago. We're still both pretty busy, but our careers are at a place that we have the resources we felt like we needed. I think if we had had (or adopted) a kid in our 20's we would have felt overwhelmed both on a personal and a resource level.

As Lisa said, it is totally a personal decision on what you want and don't want.

[Bassette]

I had a child at 21 (bio) and adopted a child 16 years later. With the first child I had FAR more energy, that is the biggest positive difference. I also had the weight of the world on my shoulders, or so I thought *LOL* and was always stressed over money amongst other early adult issues like my job. However, with my second child I am wiser, FAR more patient, and have the financial means to do things for my children that I couldn't when the first was born. For her (1st) there were no dance classes or special activities. I just couldn't afford it until she was in middle school. Parenting the second time around has been more enjoyable for me. Profoundly so.

[Lexie]

I agree with the other posters. I am 40 something and I have way more patience and probably less energy. We also are more financially secure so I don't stress over those issues that money can solve. We also did a lot of things as a couple before kids that we knew would be difficult with children ( like traveling 6 weeks in India), so now we absolutely have no regrets that we missed out on anything. We enjoyed our childless time as a couple and now we absolutely love being parents.

[mom2justynsarah]

I had my son when I had just turned 32. We adopted our daughter when I had just turned 38. I can tell you that I had more energy at 32 than I do now. But then again, he was my first. I didn't have to pay attention to anybody else but him. He had my complete and utter attention.

I don't think it's so much an age issue now. It's more of the fact that I am a seasoned mom. The things I worried so much about with my son do not affect me with my daughter. He was the baby that I was a neurotic new mother with. LOL! Now with my daughter, I sit back and ENJOY!

I can say that being an "older mom" does have some benefits. I have SO much more patience than when I was in my twenties. I also have a very grounded marriage with my husband.

In addtion, we are financially stable. We have a house now. We basically did all the things we wanted to do before we had kids. Now the focus is on them...always...

[joskimo]

I agree with Bassett - we had a bio child when I was 27 and adopted at 38 - so I've seen both worlds and they are different, but not better or worse. It was much easier for me to cope with less sleep in my 20's, but we were broke then and could take as much time off, didn't take yearly vacations, didn't own our own house. I'm more patient now - most days For me another difference is that all our friends had their babies (1st babies) the same time as we had dd#1 - now they are done with babies so we're kind of alone - well not, I mean everyone loves our baby, she's like everyone's baby, but they all had 2 or three kids where we didn't and have this 11 year gap between the girls.

[NJNative]

But that's about the only big disadvantage. We adopted our son when I was 36 and my husband was 45! (Our son was already 10 months old, crawling and cruising.) My husband has two other children from a previous marriage who has had when he was in his 20s -- big gap there (22 and 18 years).

We have tons more patience and lots more money than we had when we were younger. I love whoever said, "I don't stress about things that money can solve." It's nice to be in that position and we are. Since our son is now a teenager (with learning disabilities and ADHD to boot), patience is also a good thing. I am SO much more laid back about things than I would have been if I was younger.

Now that I am 51, so many people I know have all their kids grown and empty nests. Perhaps some people would be glad and want that time to travel, etc. But not me. I am SO glad that I still have a teenager at home (even if he is surly at times, like most of them). It's much more fun to me to show him things, like Broadway shows, and museums and to travel than to do those things with just "grown ups" -- though I try not to be too grown up.

As for my husband, well, that's his son "The Prince" for whom nothing is too good and whom he loves dearly.

Parenting after 35 is the BEST!

Robin

[intladoptionblog]

I'm WAY over 35 and would like to jump in here.
I was 18 when I had my first child, 19 with my second. Those are bio kids. Raised 'em, then went out and got myself another life. At 51 my third, a 13 week old boy. At 53, my fourth (and last?), also 13 weeks, a girl. I'm now almost 55 with a 3 and a half year old and a one year old.
I'm also one of the older parent bloggers here, and recently addressed this issue <http://older-parent.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/same-difference>, if you'd like to read some of my thoughts, where I admit that I'm really not any more patient now than I was way back when...

[Howdy]

I didn't have a child when I was young (I'm 50 yrs old now and adopted a 9 yr old last year), but I don't think I could possibly have been as over-cautious a parent back then. As I went thru my 40's I got less and less tolerant of risk for myself, and I think I don't encourage my daughter now to do things that a younger parent would.

[intladoptionblog]

That's interesting, Howdy. I'm the reverse...over-cautious as a 20-something parent, far less now. Not only am I more comfortable with my parenting style, decisions, etc., I also have more confindence in my kids' abilities to make good choices.
Of course, I live in a completely different environment than I did when my first batch was small, and life on this little island is much safer in general that it was in big cities in California, so that makes for more a more relaxed atmosphere all the way around.

[Shai's Mom]

(Geez I just noticed I've even reached the level of SENIOR member.. )

My daughter was born when I was very young (19). I wanted her so very much and am to this day extremely close to her. She is my princess and I grew up with her.

DH and I adopted two boys, the older is now 4 1/2 and the little 10 months. DH is now 46 and I am 45. We are considering adopting a third.

Now my two boys keep me in shape and I enjoy watching them grow and develop. I have more patience and am able to better judge which battles to fight. With a very opinionated 4-year old, that is an issue.

I love being an older parent. And I can still keep up with my boys, sometimes better than a younger parent.

[posh]

it is great to see this post. My DH and I are considering adoption and we are 53 and 49. I was having some doubts about doing this at this age. But I don't feel 49 lol. Heck I don't know what it is suppose to feel like. All of you made me feel so much better about adoption. Good luck to you all!

[Quesita]

Interesting thread! I do not have an answer to the question, because I am not yet a mom.

One of my most vivid memories of my 20's are of a young naive woman traveling around Guatemala in the middle of a civil war. I was living in Mexico and working with Guatemalan refugees there, and I made frequent trips to see the realities that so many people were fleeing. I was dragged off of buses by men (and young boys) with automatic weapons, and spent one night sitting under a door frame listening to the aerial bombings that sounded like they would surely hit my roof. I was idealistic, and immortal.

Later I came back to the US, did my master's work, and planned to move to Brazil. But 16 years ago I fell, (by pure accident) into a wonderful job that I love, working with adult immigrants in NYC. I built the program up from scratch, putting in long long days, sometimes seven days a week. I knew that if I was not there every minute, things would surely fall apart.

But two years ago when my father was dying of cancer, I spent much time away from work to be with my out-of-town family. The amazing program that I built thrived, because over the years I had hired amazing staff. I was less essential than I thought I was. When I allowed family to become a priority, I realized I had more time than I thought I did.

Here I am, a 44 year old single woman, starting to research adoption. Imagine my delight when I found that Guatemala, (the country whose people consumed so much of my energy and passion during my "prime child bearing years") is one of the nations most accessable for older single women looking to adopt.

If I had the opportunity, I would not change any of the paths I selected in my life. I may not have the strength to backpack with a young child and toss her in a hammock while I set up a tent on the beach. But now I can afford the nice resorts that will teach her how to snorkel with the dolphins while mom goes off scuba diving!

I look forward to the adventures ahead.

Thank you for letting me ramble... and share.

[Lylac]

I agree with everyone else, I'm 42 and DH is 44. We have a 4 year old AD that is special needs, we got her at 4 months old. And just have been chosen to adopt a 3 year old special needs little boy. Although I can't say that I am more patient now than I would have been when I was younger, since I have always wanted children.

We have been married 25 years no bio children. I think being older makes us appreciate our children more, we take time to notice the smallest things they do or say.