[TillyT]

Hi all -- I'm new to the forum, but I love this topic -- "over 35" parenting. I became an adoptive mother in my 30s as well, and I'm constantly surprised by my new role, even after 4 years!! At first I was surprised by the sheer physical nature of parenting ... nothing like an 18-pound baby in a carrier to tune you in to that! Over time, it's the sheer *depth* of the experience that continues to astonish me.

I'd love to hear from others who became first-time parents in their thirties ... what surprised you the most?

[echaos]

How much my knees crack when I try to get up off the floor!

[salbers]

TillyT....
My wife and I adopted our grandson last Sept.We are
both in our 50's.He is now 18 months old and all boy.
He keeps us on our toes all the time.I just wish we had
the stamina we did 20 years ago!! HA

Steve

[GreenThumb]

In the 10 weeks we've had our little guy, we've been continually shocked to realize how selfish we've been for the 14 years of our marriage. We were always able to do what we wanted, when we wanted.

But I'm also surprised to see how easily we give up our wants/needs for the baby and his needs. Now a great Saturday night is falling asleep during a DVD, knowing Baby is snoring contentedly upstairs.

[ChgoFAMom]

not all, but most - so yes there are BIG differences - but mostly how we communicate with our children!

I'm not sure if it is our age, the area we live or the fact we adopted (most), but we have A LOT more patience and gt down with the child more then my younger firends do with their children........

Reena was a suprise (like less then 3 hours notice surprise) ~ she was 16 days old when she was placed in my arms ~ so it was quite a life change (I quit my job that day - but they were warned that this may happen)!

The therapists in Erly Intervention told me LOTS of times that I am a "rare parent" - one who gts down wiht their child -works and plays with them even after the therapist leaves.

One aid that odler parents have higher patience, tolerance and a shift of priorities - less material and more focused on the child (that does not mean they don't want for things, but it does not consume them)

I also noticed that more moms over age 35 are Stay-At-Home-Moms ............ lots of us have already had careers, acheived career goals, etc. This age is "typically" when you switch careers anyway.

I hope this made sense and shared insight.

[5Waldos]

How many people automatically tell me how nice it is that I am taking my grandkids out for the day.

[blessedbybug]

I think for me, it was the fulfillment of it all... knowing we are a part of this amazing little person's life just takes my breath away. My life was great before, but being her MOm has heightened my senses and made me feel younger than I have in years. I really am surprised about how young I feel AND, even though I am a fairly new parent (DD is 20 months) many of the young moms with kids older than mine ask for advice. Isn't that funny??? I find it funny...

[LisaCA]

I'm surprised at how many moms are older, but how many ask me if dd's my granddaughter. even the older folks ask-duh. Of course, we are both 44, but don't look a year past 42 .

I'm surprised at the things I'm willing to do. I'm a pretty picky person. I won't swim in a pool of kids who aren't diaper trained, I found dd's food encounters quite nauseating at first (sensitive tummy ). Fast forward 16 months and I'm wiping the boogers off her face with my hand, I can watch her eat without being totally grossed out, and I even bathe with her . Surprising how things turn out. Dh just laughs at his wife's changes.

I'm also surprised at how natural it all feels. After living for 43 years without kids or friends with kids, having her around feels perfectly normal, like it's always been this way. Glad I waited .

[gregorysparents]

My dear hubby just turned 40 this past January. I am A LOT younger than he is - I turned 38 this past July.

I am surprised sometimes at the amount of energy that I have. But.....when I think about how little I sleep (because I can't seem to get ANYTHING done during the day, so I wait until both boys and hubby are in bed and then I do my "daily chores") I just remind myself that when I was single, younger, and going out that I used to pull these same hours. Parenting these little boys are MUCH more rewarding than "going out" all of the time.

GreenThumb - I tried to pm you - but your message box is full. PM me when you read this. Thanks.

Christina

[cathy102]

I was a first time mom at 36. Soon to be 40... My kids keep me young. I DO have alot of energy but I get tired at the end of the day!!! I wouldn't change a thing. Now, if they would just quit fighting!!!!

[HappyTwinsMom]

I became a first-time mom at 38, and it's been the most amazing four years of my life. Can't believe how fulfilling being a parent is. Trying and challenging, but definitely the experience of a lifetime.

[csw]

I went to a birthday party yesterday for a 3 year adopted from Guatemala and she has a little sister. My husband always felt 'old'..he just turned 47..he was happy that he was right in the age range of most folks there.. We first adopted I was 27 years old..had to have alot of stamina to have to live in Peru with a colicky baby who never slept for six months..don't think I could have done that now..we tried IVF, foster to adopt, domestic adoption, built a house..then finally pursued international again..finally stopped the IVF and domestic at 37 (did IVF for 5 years before that)..daughter born when I was 39..a 17 month long process from start to home in Guatemala..so..we now have a 14 year old and a 2 year old..probably the 2 'worst' ages..they both are special needs..but we didn't know that going into it..anyways..
She didn't sleep the first six months home, for more than 15 min at a time..we coslept..she is 2.5 and doesn't go to sleep till MN or 1am, up 3x..the up by 7:30 am with no nap (she was given 3 flu shots in a 8 week period..2 by mistake..all had mercury in it and she had brain damage)..part of the whole ASD thing..anyways..
even at 40, 41 I am amazed at how little sleep I can live on..maybe working 12 hour night shifts for so long and getting 2 hours sleep a day..who knows..
If we had a child sleeping from 8 p to 8am and taking a nap..really it isn't hard..but when they are up so much and you get no break at all during the day its hard..

I worked full time with our extremely active son and am off work with our daughter..there is no way I could have worked full time with her being up 8x a night..I am going back PT in Feb, just 12 hours a week..I have always had alot of patience and my parenting style hasn't changed that much between 27 and 41..I tried to nurse him..tried to nurse her..carried them both in slings..cobathed..only thing is with him we didn't cosleep..hubby wouldn't hear of it..he didn't care that I was the one going up and down the steps every 2 hours all night! Anyways..there are ton's of parents over 35..at this party we were at I think we were among the youngest there, or at least I was..alot of folks adopt in their 40's and beyond..

[joelynn]

Our first adoption happened at age 33 and 34 (dh). We already had a bio son who was almost 11 years old. We adopted again at 39 and 40 (dh). I can definitely tell the difference with this last one. She is more demanding, a screamer, and never stops moving. We now parent an 18 year old, 7 year old, and just turned 2 year old. My dh works out of town all week so it is just me with the the two youngest. The oldest is in the Marine Corps now. I don't know if I'm coming or going some days... Especially this past week or two when we all were sick. Would I trade them for all the gold in the world...NOPE!!! When I can sit in the recliner in the evening watching tv with the youngest nuggled under a blanket with me...it makes it all worth the effort. Nope I don't have the energy I had with the oldest one...but I'm not 22 anymore either!

[mom2justynsarah]

My son was 6 years old when we adopted our beautiful baby girl. I had just turned 38 & dh 39. What a big difference between being 32 & 33. LOL!


Pros of being an older mom:

I have way more patience with my daughter than I did with my son years before.

I am a seasoned mom- having a second is a breeze compared to being a first time mommy.

I am able to enjoy her so much more since I am not so neurotic about her every move. LOL!

My husband & I are more financially stable. We also own a home now.

Did I mention patience?

Oh and I have my son who helps me out a great deal. He will fetch a diaper for me, or pick her up when she is heading in the wrong direction etc etc.

CONS:

Where did all my energy go?

YAWN! Poor hubby...baby goes to sleep by 6:30/7pm, son goes to sleep by 8:00pm and I am OUT like a light by 8:30 or 9pm. YAWN!

My poor knees and lower back!

Hey- I wouldn't want it any other way! I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!

[maricela]

I was 39 & my husband was 43 when we adopted our 2nd daughter (she was 3 weeks). I can't tell you how many people have assumed I was her grandmother!!! You should see the look on their faces when I tell them I'm her mother! Plus my baby is biracial!! I just love seeing the confused looks!!



My back hurts, my ARMS hurt because she wants to be held all the time...I have less energy!!

I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world though!!