[KitKatMomma]

Hello!
I was wondering what emotions you all experienced pre adoption and immediately following adoption. My husband and I made the decision to adopt when we first started discussing kids. 3 years later (and infertility problems) we decided to go ahead with our adoption plans and put the biological plans on hold. Now I am dealing with this roller coaster of emotions where one day I am totally ready, sooo excited and hate the waiting. Then the next moment I am telling myself I am crazy and scared I won't be able to raise a child. The thing is, these feelings are 50/50. I know it's not the adopting process, I would feel this way if I was pregnant. (also, adopted child or bio child= My Child!)
Is this normal? Did any of you go through this? Keep in mind this will be my First Child, I have not raised one before. Thanks for listening!!
KitKat

[KitKatMomma]

I appologize if I have offended anyone with my terminology, please forgive me for I am new to all of this.

[wcurry66]

not at all! i've been offline(best friend flew in for a grrl's week) or I had jumped on this subject.

its a total rollercoaster of emotions. not quite as hormonal as i suspect pregnancy would be, but my protective side goes into over drive. excited, angry, frustrated. i consider mysself a strong warrior woman, yet, this process has me broken down sobing into a caseworker's answering machine

our finalization date is looming, so we're not through the process yet, but i will tell you, the craziness started to settle out after she had been here for 3 or 4 months

good luck!!

[KitKatMomma]

Thanks for responding!
Still on my rollercoaster and I haven't even really started the process yet!! My homestudy packet is on it's way to me, and I have been "nesting" as my mother calls it. (basically tearing apart the house and rearranging it into a baby friendly enviroment). Today was an exciting day for me. Maybe your right, I am experiencing similar symptoms to what pregnant women go through? One of my girlfriends is pregnant right now and goodness I hope I'm not acting like her! (good thing she doesn't read these forums!) LOL!
We shall see what tomorrow brings! Let me know how you progress, It's nice to know I am normal (my husband says thats debatable!)

KitKat

[wcurry66]

you know.. you might get more of a response if you post under "foster to adopt..what's it like". There are a few threads over there of people in a similar boat

[KitKatMomma]

I must have missed that thread. I will "move" my post over there and read what what I can find. Thank you!!
KitKat

[Crystal-Joy]

I have been feeling the EXACT same way! Once we started our adoptive process, I started second-guessing myself...Was I really ready for this? Was I ready to give up my freedom? It was all going through my head everytime the subject of kids came up.

I am no expert, but honestly I think that the way we are feeling is normal. Having kids is a HUGE step in our lives! I think it would NOT be normal to never once question something that major in your life...

Yes we will be sacrificing so much to have our kids, but we will be gaining just as much, if not more!

I hope that helped you. Good luck!

[jcm]

Felt the same way!

My DH and I went through IVF three times, but before we went into the last cycle, I knew adoption was where we would find our baby. After the last cycle, we took a month to re-group, and I started the paperwork.

During that re-grouping time, we forced ourselves to really think about what life would be like without a child in it. Gotta say, my alternate reality was pretty **** tempting! BUT it didn't feel 100% right to me, so I dove head first into the adoption paperwork.

It would hit me at odd times that we were wasting our time, that our life was perfect as is. Then just as fast as it came to me, it would be gone again. When we went into the pool in December of 2009, we were told a one to three year wait...so I got on with life. Went back to school, took five classes plus an internship. Less than two months later we got the call.

While I was back in school, with a whole new career path in front of me, the feelings of "what if" dogged me, but would pass.

Even after we brought Campbell home, my DH KNEW right away this was the life for him. I felt it too...but mine wasn't as strong. Then there were days I panicked, and thought: "what the hell have I done???"

Now, Cam is three months old, those feelings don't come as often. Now I find myself looking forward to things we will be able to do in the future together.

[KitKatMomma]

Thank you all for your input! I am still having my doubts about whether I can really handle this. My DH is SOOO excited about this and sometimes I find it hard to share in his enthusiasm. Other times, I am more excited than he! All of our close friends think we will make amazing parents (they have all witnessed us around their children) I'm not so afraid of loosing my freedom, more afraid of not being a good parent. I know I have patience (I was a preschool teacher for 12+ 3-4 year olds. My fav job!) I know I have a lot of love to give. Just more worried about the unknown I guess. I do still have my excited days though!! Keeping an eye on one child I found already thats legally free . Did manage to finish my personal bio paper work (19 pages with questions all about me!) That has been the hardest part so far. Now just have to wait for my DH to finish his portion of the paperwork. (Military and currently busy ) Thank you all again! I really appreciate hearing that I'm not the only one to have gone through this. I knew I wasn't the only one, It's just nice to see it written (or typed!). Thank you all!!