[piadopt]

Hi everyone,
We've just completed our homestudy and are about to send our dossier to ICAB (any day now!). The information on this board has been invaluable!! Anyhow... I've been hearing more and more about the challenges of attachment. And I'm getting a bit scared. We are set on adopting from the Philippines, but I'm just wondering if anyone can shed some light on those first months after placement. I don't want to scare off any other prospective adoptive parents...but are there any tips /experiences that anyone has to share?

[orphanagemom]

Hi,
Our little one has been home now for 1 year!! We have 3 bio children, and when we brought her home she simply molded right in. We didn't make a big deal out of anything, and treated her just like the rest, and she instantly bonded with everyone.

One thing that helped though, is that we have a large extended family, and they are around quite frequently. Since these little orphans come from a very crowded and busy orphanage, they are used to having LOTS of people around. This made our little sweetie feel more like at home I think! We read before we picked her up, to not plan any big family events or go on any big vacations, but having many people around really helped her out - however, I wouldn't plan on Disneyland or anything like that right at first. We took her to a restaurant that had a six foot bird walking around and she lost it. She was screaming and running to get out of there. The children are not used to "fun" things that kids here are used to, so watch out! Good luck.
Jen

[larryman]

Patient and love are keys to success.

[piadopt]

Thank you for being so positive, orphanagemom and larryman! It's always good to remember parenting is what it is

[Tina and Craig]

Hi

I just wanted to share our experience on attaching with our daughter who is now 3 years 8 months and was adopted at age 2 years 0 months.

Sophie has settled in very well with us and is an absolute joy. She was very happy and loving with us at first and I slept holding her hand for the fiirst 9 months of her being home.

She never cried and was never naughty for 10 weeks and then the drought broke and she cried for 3 full days. Then we noticed that she started to show a full range of emotions instead of just the ones that would please us. Many months have passed since then and she changes constantly, but she loves us totally as we do her. She is wise beyond her years and is still very rarely naughty as she is very sensitive about getting in trouble. So when she does do something we are very gentle with her and show her love. She doesn;t have challenging behaviour so we don;t have to be any harder on her. She is nearly reading and very clever. She has such a thrist for knowledge.

We were told by our agency not to surround her with many people at first as it was important that she bond with us firstly. This worked for Sophie. She had been in an orphanage with many care givers and she had to learn what it was like to trust 2 people who were not going anywhere. She still played with her friends and got hugs from relatives but on the whole it was just her and my husband and I. This has helped her very much.

We live in Australia and brought Sophie home in Oct 2003.

Regards
Tina

[CalJen]

Hi -

My suggestion would be to read as much info as you can - the more educated you are the more prepared you are.

I am currently reading "Attaching in Adoption" by Deb Gray - I really like the book, very insightful, gives developmental stages and MANY personal stories.

Your agency should be able to give you a list of recommended books and resources to turn to. Don't be intimidated!

CalJen