[cheesehead]

Hi all,

OK....I just want to know if anyone else is feeling this way and if those of you who have BTDT can help ease my mind. We have been in the process of waiting for our child from China for 3+ years and we are much "older" AP's. When we first started waiting, I was so excited....decorated the room, purchased books, toys, some clothes, etc....and decorated for the holidays, put a stocking up by the fireplace, put an ornament every year on the tree. Well, this will be our 3rd holiday season without a referral........(and we don't see that we will be getting our referral any time soon) I don't even want to think about the holidays. I do love this time of year, but my motivation to do anything as far as decorating or purchasing anything in that regard is like zilch....nada....I don't even want to put up a tree this year which is a first EVER and now I'm thinking maybe it's because I'm just getting old. I hope that once we get our referral that I will have the motivation to decorate and do fun things with my child..but I'm afraid that maybe the excitement won't come back! Please tell me it will....that I'll have the energy and motivation to do some of the things that puts a smile on a child's face during the holidays.

I'm already worn out and I don't even have her yet. Help! And thanks for listening

[Magic_Hat]

You will definitely get your holiday spirit back when your baby comes home. You've been waiting a long time. I hope you get a referral soon!

[Linny]

I hope you get one soon, as well. (((HUGS))) I think what you're feeling is typically normal.
(We never had to wait that long as you've had to because we went domestic...and when we DID go international (over 20yrs ago), adoption was totally different then.) HOWEVER....when we DID have obstacles in our way that DID Make us wait, I'd have times as you've described. My thinking was actually, 'Why bother?!' and, "It may not even be REAL to begin with!!!'

Normal. Sort of goes along with a depression and yearning for SOMETHING to happen.....just SOMETHING/SOMETIME?!?!?!!?!?!?!? If that's what you're meaning---I totally get it!

Stay the course. It'll happen. And you're not old, unless YOU think you're old! Dh and I are both 52....we have grown babies---out of the house----AND four babies at home...all under 7yrs of age down to infancy.

Hang in there.....((((HUG))))

Sincerely,

Linny

[sugarmuffin]

Hang in there......over 3yrs wow? Please keep us posted

[joskids]

You don't have to do anything you don't feel like doing, just because Hallmark says it's a "Holiday". Go ahead and feel sorry for yourself. Give it 24 hours and then try to find someone that needs you or something to work for. Your child will come. After working for an agency and seeing waiting couples wanting to give up and JUST THEN (just when they are about to lose their minds with the waiting and want to give up), they are placed with the child of their dreams. Hang in there. And don't let anyone else tell you what you need to do because it's a holiday. Phooey!!!!!!!!!

[parenting-over-40]

I bet your first Christmas with your little girl is going to be HUGE! Lots of fun, laughter, hugs, and kisses. Indeed! It will be magical.

Yes, your motivation will come back. When you look into the eyes of your daughter, you will be highly motivated.

I can't wait to hear when you get your referral. Then, I can't wait to hear about your first Christmas with her.

Hang tight! Keep us posted!

[Larue]

I think it's pretty normal to be excited when you first start the process, and then lose some of that excitement during the long wait for a referral. And in your case, WOW, that’s one long wait. And I think that would happen no matter how old the APs were. There’s only so long you can keep up that “anticipation of a new baby” happy, happy, joy, joy, energy. After 3 years, I think I would be exhausted trying.

During our DD”s long drawn out adoption journey, I got a bit apathetic about Christmas. I wanted to spend the whole holiday season in bed with the covers over my head. DH dragged me to a meeting for a local animal rescue group and signed us up to foster a litter of kittens. The antics of those little buggers really cheered me up. Even when they were swinging from my curtains. I didn’t go out and chop down a Christmas tree and start singing carols. But I did manage to put a wreath on our door, do a little decorating in the house, and spend the holidays with family and friends.

Once you receive a referral, and especially after you bring your DD home, I don’t doubt that you’ll get that “motivation” back. Best wishes, and hang in there.

[ncblueeyes]

Larue said it...you get excited at first and then its hard to be excited while you wait. I know we havent been waiting as long as you but by Dec. it will be a year since we started down this road. I try so many things to keep busy...reading ( lots of reading), blogging to get my feelings out sometimes, volunteer with children ( i do at my church alot!). Anyway, just to say, i know your feelings and we are here for you and each other during this wait...