[birdy1600]

Hi,
We are considering adoption. Here is our story.
We are getting married and I am 45 and DH is 42. We want a family. We are going to do a DE cycle in September. But a friend said, we should look into adoption and get the ball rolling on that as well.
so I have oodles of questions.
Can we start adoption at same time as DE?
What are some good over 40 friendly adoption attorneys and agencies in New York?
We are open to adoption infants and under 5 and transracial and many physical disabilities.
Thanks so much!

[Bunnygirl]

I don't know much about domestic or private adoptions since we did an international adoption but many agencies handle both. We used Gladney for our adoption from Vietnam & I know several people who've worked with Spence-Chapin. They've both been around for a long time & have good reputations. There are tons of others of course but those are the two in NY that I, personally, know the most about.

Regarding your ages -- it really depends on the country's rules and on your agency's guidelines. For instance, my understanding is that the U.S. has no maximum age for adoptive parents but many agencies impose their own limits. Often these guidelines are more flexible for special needs children though. You should check check RainbowKids.com Adoption Information, Support, Child Photolistings, Articles and Resources to get an idea of the country guidelines and then check each agency's website to see whether they've imposed stricter limits, etc.

Regarding doing fertility treatments while pursuing adoption -- that also depends on the agency and on the country. Some of them are fine with it, some have the caveat that there must be a year between children (adopted or bio), some of them won't allow it at all. You'll have to speak with each agency individually to find out their stance -- I've never seen that particular info. on any of the agencies' websites.

[Linny]

We've adopted internationally and domestically (and even through the foster care system---which is another story). We started adopting when we were a mere 23yrs old, and now at 51, we're still hopeful for just one more baby. (We have three at home now-- adopted as infants who are all under 8yrs old.)

Most agencies DO have a limit as to how long you've been married. Most have a requirement of 3yrs...sometimes longer. I *think* you'll find many international agencies have a marriage requirement and it's usually around the three year mark too.

I'm sorry to say that, however-- it never hurts to phone and ask agencies anyway. There might be an exception if you've been together for a few years before this; but I wouldn't know for certain.

Sincerely,

Linny

[KerryGaeltacht]

With your ages and length of marriage, you should consider foster to adopt, if it's domestic you want.

[journeytolily]

As regarding length of marriage, there ARE a very few agencies that don't have any requirement for a domestic adoption. I believe that ALL international require at least one year of marriage, but many require two or more. Ethiopia requires one year, and they are usually flexible with age, also.

My DH and I just brought home our newest baby girl, and I am 47, DH is 44. We adopted her domestically. Our other two children are from Guatemala and Korea. We were going to adopt internationally (Vietnam fell thru for us), but our choices were very limited due to our ages. We decided to try domestic, being open to race, and we had our 3 day old baby in our arms in less than 3 months.

Good luck!