[sugarmuffin]

Hello everyone,

I am 42 and blessed to be a new mother of a 3 month old. I always considered myself "young" looking but if one more person asks me is that "your grandbaby" I just may crock. Can anyone relate?

[mrsred]

Usually a well placed kick will convince them that you are much too spry to be a grandmother.

[joskids]

Oh, believe me, I've had it happen to me also. And I'm older than you but still consider myself young looking. But the reality is that I do have grandchildren so whatever -- I'm too busy to take it to heart and too happy to let it get me down.

[startedover]

Ms red, I thought your use of the term "too much spry" was hilarious. I never heard anyone but my grandmother use "spry" . and I agree with the give em a kick..... lol

[mumofone]

I am 43, have a 10 year old, 5 year old, 4 year old and an 18 month old.

Thankfully, not one person has asked me if any of the kiddos is my grandbaby.

[Linny]

Originally Posted by sugarmuffin

Hello everyone,

I am 42 and blessed to be a new mother of a 3 month old. I always considered myself "young" looking but if one more person asks me is that "your grandbaby" I just may crock. Can anyone relate?

Two things:

First, if someone asks you that again, simply say to them:

"No, of course not! Do you honestly think I'd look THIS good if s/he were my grandchild?!?!?!"

(That oughta take 'em back, KWIM?!)


Then,

Here's where I'm at. I'm 51 with a 7yr old, a 5yr old and a 23month old. And to make 'matters worse with people who would worry about me being a grandmother to my babies'......dh (also 51) and I are hoping to adopt ANOTHER baby!!!!!!

However, to anyone who might have wondered?: Just last week we attended a fundraiser for a group who financially helps adopting families with fees. (We were helping with it too.) At the end, a few families were talking to me about a certain adoption when my youngest started 'running down a hallway and into the main room toward the band that was dismantling'.
I stopped my conversation to turn and run after him...down the hallway, grabbed him up in my arms and returned to the group.
The other families are MUCH younger than me.......(in their 20's and 30's). One husband exclaimed, "WOW! You've still got it! You can really run, etc!"

I said that I thought I still could...even at 51, 'And," I added, "I'm also overweight and 51!"
Not that I'm any too pleased to be overweight; but I'm not like most 51yr olds I know either!!!

The point is.......have some 'ready and right-at-'em' comment to throw out. Just because *THEY've* seen some 40yr olds who act like life is over, doesn't mean YOU'RE that way!!!!!

And finally...FWIW.....I have a relative, who, along with her dh, are adopting another baby son (two are still at home). She's a for-real grandmother too.......and she's 58yrs old!

Sincerely,

Linny

[cheesehead]

I'm preparing for that day sometime in the future. DH and I are really "older" adoptive parents waiting, not so patiently any longer, for our referral. I will be 53 on Friday.....YIKES! When someone approaches me and asks that question, I always thought that I would say "Why yes, she is the grandest baby I have"....or "I try to be the grandest mother for my child".

Things are really getting depressing with our wait...and....My parents had my mother's side of the family all over for a gathering recently. My parents are elderly, as are all of my aunts and uncles. I was talking to my mother today on the phone and she said everybody wanted to know "what was wrong with her (me) that she thinks she can do this now.......doesn't she know she is too old"? Well....I know that my relatives are "old" themselves and are from the old school where you have your babies when you are in your early 20's. I guess I should of asked my mother what they would say if I was physically pregnant..... they probably would have said I am still too old, but I bet the comments would have been different.

It is just really hard to know that most of my family really don't believe in our adoption plans, nor are they at all supportive of our dreams. It kinda makes it hard to keep a smile on my face when I continue to hear the negative comments.....continuousl y....not just from stangers.

It's just nice to know that we are not alone and there are others in this wonderful supportive community who understand.

[HappyTwinsMom]

Oh, sugarmuffin, I can SO relate to what you're saying! I was 38 when my daughters were born - technically, yes, old enough to be their grandmother as birthmom was 19 at the time. It used to just infuriate me - and I kept track of how many times it happened (21 so far).

It really does taper off over time. My "babies" are 7 now and I NEVER hear it anymore.

I remember one time in particular when we were having dinner at Applebee's. The girls were about six months old, so sitting in their car seats. This old lady walked by on her way to the restroom and said something about "Aren't you cute? Are you here with grandma?" - at which point she looked at me and I just stared back at her. She mumbled "...or mom..." and took off like a shot!

[rubytiara]

I'm 51 with a 1.5 yr old. I just make sure I keep a lot of L'Oreal 5G hair color in my cabinet! My husband has kept his gray, so he gets the comment more often that I.

[timleenettesue]

I am 41 and my husband is 43. When we were first placed with our little man (I was 38) someone did ask me that. I was very upset. But before I turned 40 I became a grandma to the best grandson in the world (imo). And now I have a daughter that is younger than my grandson. We really confuse people when we all go somewhere together. Our oldest is 20 and our youngest is almost 11 months.

[telman999]

Wow and I was starting to think my wife and I were the only ones doing this at our age. I am 40 my wife is 43 and we have adopted a 18 month old and his little sister who is 10 weeks old has been with us for 3 weeks now and will be adopted once she is free to adopt. It was much easier physically at 20 when our daughter was born but it is definitely easier mentally now. Our daughter only concern has been that if she decides to have a child soon (we are encouraging her to wait) her child will only be a few yrs younger than it's uncle. it was tough on us at first but to be honest it was the best possible thing for our marriage as well as for us. We are much better now at working together than we ever were in the past 20 yrs. She can start cooking and if she heads off to take care of one of the kids I can take over and you would never know I had no clue what she was cooking. it has been the best experience of our lives

[joskids]

Telman - our 3 year old has two 12 year old nieces and nephews. Who cares? We are an incredibly happy family, our children are happy and thriving, we have the experience necessary to do what we are doing. Are we tired? You betcha! But I've seen many 20 and 30 somethings who don't do half the job of appropriate parenting that we do. We're so busy that we don't have time to worry what anyone else thinks. And if people think I'm my kids grandma (and they have), that's fine. I'm proud to be a grandma also. Although most people can't believe it when I tell them my age. I seriously think my young ones keep me busy and thriving and looking 10 years younger than my age. My age is just a number. My life is extra-ordinary!!

[JGarrick]

Originally Posted by sugarmuffin

Hello everyone,

I am 42 and blessed to be a new mother of a 3 month old. I always considered myself "young" looking but if one more person asks me is that "your grandbaby" I just may crock. Can anyone relate?

Yeah, but going off on people takes all the fun out of it. Tell them it's your brother-in-law's niece or your grand nephew's new first cousin once removed or something and enjoy the blank looks you get while they try to find two brain cells to rub together and work out what you might be trying to say.

[Marthaj]

Originally Posted by sugarmuffin

Hello everyone,

I am 42 and blessed to be a new mother of a 3 month old. I always considered myself "young" looking but if one more person asks me is that "your grandbaby" I just may crock. Can anyone relate?

Oh wow, if I had a dollar for everytime I heard that remark, I would be a millionaire by now!

I became a first time mom (thru adoption) at the age of 44. I live in an area of the country where teenage moms are very prevalent, so yes it is common for women to be grandmothers in their 40's. I have gotten comments from "Oh isn't it nice you could take care of your granddaughter while her mother is at work" from a grocery store clerk, to "Is she your youngest child?" (with the implied thought that...oh certainly you must have several more, maybe even one in college?")

I wonder if any of the MEN who become dads in their 40's and 50's (and there are plenty of them in Hollywood via 2nd and 3rd marriages to younger women!) ever get the "grandfather" question????

[sak9645]

I adopted when I was 51; I am a single Mom.

I decided that I wasn't going to get mad when someone asked, "Oh, is Grandma babysitting today?" I was going to go on the offensive.

I would always reply, with a HUGE and delighted smile, "I'm the Mom! I'm 51 and I have a child in diapers!"

At that, the person would usually say, "Wow, you must be some kind of Superwoman!" And while that certainly wasn't the case, I was more than happy to let her believe it.

Occasionally, a person would say, "Better you than me!" and I would say to myself, "Yup. I'm glad it's me and not you."

Sharon