[Melmomom]

What wonderful you all have on this board - I'm lovin' it!

We are dealing with a similar situation - dh and I are both 50 with a 2-year-old. It turns out her siblings are now in foster care - 2 older and one younger - it's possible that we will adopt them if rights are terminated - now come the comments from family and friends......sometimes they make me laugh but mostly they make me sad and start doubting our decision to save these children if need be....I'm not sure I'm making myself clear but thanks for listening.

Laurie

[dragonfly1234]

Welcome Laurie!

You just keep doing what you are doing. Don't let family make you doubt raising your young 2 year old.

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by dragonfly1234

Why is it that moms are the most critical? I guess I just wanted her to support even if she doesn't neccessarily understand why.

Me, too....For some reason, comments from my mother's mouth are the hardest to deal with-even when she says things that are just completely irrational.

[dragonfly1234]

Kat-L we just have to be tough and do what is right for our family!

[joskids]

Ladies, I could use your help. I had yet ANOTHER stupid assumption made today, that I am Natalie's grandmother, and the way it came out, I am having a tough time getting over it. I am generally very sure of myself, don't care what others think, and handle myself well, but this isn't the first time this has happened and it's really gotten to me lately. I go into Sam's Club today to get a few things. I have our absolutely ADORABLE Natalie with me, 18 mos. old, biracial, just a beautiful baby. I can't go anywhere without folks commenting and yes, I am proud. So there's this set-up for a photographer, taking those photos next week, you know the ones where they dres the kids up in vintage clothing, the seppia-toned photos. I decide to sign up for a time for my children to be photographed. The guy at the desk says "she is really beautiful, you can tell she has AA in her by the beautiful golden brown tone to her skin" and I say "thank you and, yes, she does have a beautiful complexion". We set up a time for our 4 children to be photographed, he takes my $10 deposit and starts to tell me where to come next week for the photo, how to fix the girls' hair as they will be wearing various hats, etc. and THEN HE SAYS . . . . . ARE YOU READY??????????????? He says "I assume this is a group of more than one family". I look puzzled and I say "NO, this is one family of children" and he says "Oh, so they're cousins or something". WHAT???? Then I realize that he thinks I'm their GRANDMOTHER and that I'm signing up my grandchildren for photos. I don't even know how I let it get that far. I SHOULD HAVE SAID (yeah, I want to kick myself for not thinking of it) "I ASSUME YOU'RE A ****ED IDIOT AND DON'T KNOW WHEN TO STOP MAKING ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT PEOPLE". Gosh, ladies, I don't hurt for myself here, really. I hurt for my children because none of them look like me, they are all black and biracial, and even though I am in my 50's, most people tell me I look at least 10 years younger. I called my husband and he is so sympathetic and sweet. Because he is AA, I feel like I (almost) know what it feels like now to have people make assumptions about you because of the way you look. When will our society learn that families are made up all different ways and NOT to make assumptions about people? I have HAD IT with people's ignorant comments and today, I really just want to dig a hole rather than to take the time to think of a comeback for that kind of ignorance. I certainly hope that my baby girl does not suffer in her life because her mother is not young. All that we do for our children, our entire lives lived for them, and then someone can come along and just P_SS us off like this. I'm sorry, I just had to vent. Hopefully someone can send me a cyber hug. I sure could use it. Linny, are you there? YOU have a way of making things better with your words. Please help.

[dragonfly1234]

(((((((((((((Josie)))))))))))))) Big hugs from us all!!!!

Linny "ole wise one" will have her best comments for you. Sorry that I lack the tack that Linny has....lol

I would be just as ****** as you are currently for the ignorance that people have today. I have recently had the same comments to me about being the grandmother. I can understand how it can really set you in the wrong direction but you want to stay calm for your children (yes your children). I just smile while I grit my teeth and correct them on the fact that they are my children.

Vent all you want here....We are here for you!!!

[joskids]

Michelle, THANK YOU. Your words and support definitely made me feel better. I am so proud of our family, our beautiful children, my wonderful husband and the job we do as parents. Just one rude comment though, can really set you back on a bad day. I told my friend about it. She has a child with Down Syndrome and is already a member of the "Toughen Up Club". When she asked how old this guy was and I guessed in his 40's she said "and he's still working at Sam's Club trying to drum up clients for photographs", sounds like a LOSER TO ME!! I had to laugh. Leave it to a girlfriend to lighten the load . . . every time, huh ladies???????? So thanks for letting me vent. And for really understanding.

[bajj]

(((((((((Josie))))))))))))

[dragonfly1234]

Josie....chat/vent all you want. We are all here for you and everyone else. I enjoyed the laugh too. Thanks for sharing.

[jackiesbooks]

I am 45 and my son is 6 and at least once a month, someone assumes I am the Grandmother! I think there are woman that have child by birth at 39. Why do people make assumptions?
Depending on my mood or my son's mood, I can be very nice or rude back.

[dragonfly1234]

Jackie I had my bio son at the age of 37. My adoptive son came home when I was 41. So why do people want to question us.

I know of celebrities that have(or adopt)children far older and they are never questioned that "are you the grandmother"?

Whats up with that?

[jenf]

We are both in our 50's, adopting a 3 and 5 yr old. When people mistake me for their grandmother, I just say oh no, my grandchildren are a lot older than my sons! That floors them!!

[Melmomom]

:giggle I've been mistaken for Olivia's grandmother a couple times - it takes me back for a moment but I proudly say I'm her lucky, lucky mommy!!!

[dragonfly1234]

Jenf and melmomom you both have the right attitudes!!!!!! There is no need to tough'n you all up here....lol

No really come all you want and chat with us.

[dragonfly1234]

I was just checking in to see how everyone is doing. Hope you all are staying tough.