[tclick]

How do you know??

I'm 40 (41 in May) and have been married for 21 years. My marriage is stable and my husband is great. As a kid, I always thought I'd have a big family. When we married, my husband was open to the idea of kids but not in any hurry (he had a child from a previous marriage who lived out of state). We tried to conceive in my mid 20's for a number of years without success. Although we considered adoption; we were concerned with the cost. Additionally, my husband began to have second thoughts, and I didn't want to push for something my husband wasn't fully on board with.

Alas, time passed. Hormones subsided. I went to college instead, obtained an MBA and secured a decent (if not well paying) job. I figured I had weathered the pain of being childless well overall. I began to accept my childless state and adjusted well to the solitude (if not lonely at times) life it brings.

Then it happened!! Wham! My 40th birthday was fast approaching and I found myself thinking of babies again. Feeling more confident with age, I approached the topic of kids with my husband again. (No small feat considering he was 56 at the time!) Being the sweet guy he is, my hubby agreed to attend foster/adopt classes with me so we could consider our options. After completing the classes we even volunteered to provide respite care (babysitting for foster parents who need a break). That was an eye opener to say the least. I learned things I never knew about my hubby and about my endurance. We definitely had different parenting styles which caused some heated debates. Nevertheless, we both wanted to remain on the list for consideration if a younger sibling group became available for adoption.

That was a year ago. Fast forward... early this week we finally get a call from the state. Three healthy kids just became available! Beautiful babies--a 3 year old, an 18 mth old, and a 5 mth old! I'm terrified and estactic! After waiting a year without hearing anything, I had given up again on the thought of having kids. I was even considering going back to school for a career change. Meanwhile, after hearing the news, my poor dear husband is running the other way as fast as he can. The thought of 3 kids isn't scaring him so much as the thought of 3 babies!

I know we are good parents and have a lot of love to give kids. I know the biggest regret in my life so far has been not experiencing the joys (and frustrations) of raising children. I know my husband is just scared. I know he will make a great dad. I see it everytime he's around kids. I also know I will be alright if for some reason it doesn't work out (disappointed and heartbroken--but alright). I understand the hugh adjustment this will be on us. Even if I can't explain it; I know we'll be okay and glad we took this step. I just feel it in my gut. (This coming from a person who insists on a logical explanation for everything!)

So.... am I nuts??? What is this thing that makes me willing to turn my life upside down in an instant? Can I/we really do this? And why does it seem that young people aren't plagued with these agonizing questions?

[ACmom]

Wow you have a lot on your plate!! Maybe younger people may not question things so much because they don't have the knowledge and experience of us oldies! Be very careful about the decisions you make. Such small children require an enormous amount of energy and time and you have to be ready to give them 110%. You really need to communicate with hubby and make sure you are both in this all the way. If you are, good luck and get a really good night's sleep tonight because it will be the last one for a very long time! LOL

[Volfe]

Kids are always a handful but truthfully I think the older two possible entertain each other more than you'd think. I realize that's on the really positive spectrum but... once you get in the groove of your schedule.. it's just your schedule and not difficult.

Do get your rest now! and always

Maia

[Linny]

Well.....as the momma to seven...four still at home......the youngest of who are 3yrs and 20 months...and waiting for the call for the next baby.......I can only say this:

If you and your husband are on board....go for it. You're not nuts....your experiences have brought you to this point. As far as 'why younger people don't think this way?'....it's because they don't know any better!

Truly, we started adopting our family back when we were only 23yrs old. If someone would have told me we'd be hoping for another baby at almost 48yrs old (then)....I'd have said they were crazy! But....here we are!

As far as pandamoneum (I think I've mispelled that word)......it WILL BE.....you can almost BET ON IT.....But, the confusion and such will be short lived. Babies DO grow into children....children do grow into the dreded TEENS....and somehow, we all survive as the TEENS become adults that we gaze at from the corner of the room and say, "Oh my gosh! When did he actually get a beard????!!!!"

Yeah, it happens. My babies to now grown adults have taught this to me....and childhood and all of its anguishes passes by slowly for the day.....but quickly for the month. As Volfe stated, routine is the key; but also knowing deep down that these chaotic stages will pass all too quickly!!!!!

My best to you! My very best. If you are both up for the challenge......I believe you'll do greatly, indeed! Keep a big box of diapers always at hand.....and learn that there are a variety of things that diaper wipes can be useful for!!!!!! LOL!

Most Sincerely,

Linny

[tclick]

Thank you all for your insight and words of wisdom. This forum is great! I've been stuck to it for the last three days reading everything remotely related. I'm sure my hubby and I will be doing lots of talking in the next week. (Because the kids are foster-to-adopt, we may have the babies in just a few short weeks.) If so, I'm planning on taking a leave from work to adjust. Two of the three are in daycare during the day currently. I'm thinking I may want to keep this routine up if we do take the kids to make the adjustment easier on all of us. (Especially, when it comes time for me to go back to work.) I find myself looking at every baby I pass in stores now. Wondering about their ages and watching the relationship between mommy/daddy and baby. I'm listening at their cries and thinking "ok...that crying isn't so bad.. I can handle that." Or..."ok...that mom has two little ones pulling on her. She looks tired, but she seems to have everything together." Funny. I'll keep you posted on how things go. We learn more about the babies this Wednesday. Thanks again for your support and advice.

[skootinalong2]

Of course you are nuts!!!!!!! But don't let that stop you. It didn't stop us. I am 46 and DH is 47. We have 2 bio, 25 and 22, and 2 a, 14 and 2. We are foster parents who never intended to adopt. Have had our 14 yr old since he was 14 mos. We have had our 2 yr old since he was 6 days. May God give you wisdom as you make your decision.

[Casey677]

Who cares if you are nuts! LOL. This sounds like a wonderful sibling group. Go for it!!!!!

Casey

[domesticgodess]

I think the siblings would be lucky to get parents and be in the same home-
I would however make sure DH is ready for this and IS on board because I could imagine 3 WILL be a handful-
I do think though that with you all already watching kids, ect. that at least you have an insight somewhat of what to expect-
NOW just multiply it times 3 lol

Good Luck- I hope all goes well for you both- keep us informed

[joskids]

I agree with scootlinalong. We're ALL NUTS, but very, very happy and blessed. Yes, I'm tired. But I'm not playing Bingo on Wednesday nites!!!! And life NEVER GETS BORING.

Josie