[Shoshana]

i'm in the process of adopting my first child.

there doesn't seem to be a lot of activity on this forum...

[emm]

Hi,

I am a birthmother just wanted to offer you a friendly hello. Where are you adopting from? I hope you find some people to support you on the forum. I have not seem many single adoptive moms around.

Good luck
emm

[Shoshana]

hi emm:

i live in wisconsin.... i'm pursuing an adoption from guatemala. i wanted to adopt domestically but was told by my agency that a birth mother wouldn't consider a single parent. i think it is probably more accurate to say that the agency didn't want to deal with it.

hey! i'm adopted too and found my birth mother when i was 20... how long ago did you relinquish your baby?

elizabeth.

[emm]

Hi

I signed the papers in 1976. I had my first letter on March 21, 2003. How is your relationship with your adoptive family and birthfamily if you don't mind the questions. I hope there is room for everyone in my estranged daughters life. There is enough room for all her family in mine - we will need to buy a small Island for holidays though.

What made you choose adoption - sorry another personal question. Don't mind me just ignore the questions you don't like.

I think its difficult for anyone who does not fit the societal norm to have children whether biologicaly, medically assisted or adopted. Unfair but thats the way it is.

Hope all goes well for you.

[Howdy]

Hi Shoshana,
I'm single, over 40 (47 to be exact) and waiting for the social worker to do the homestudy visits. I'm trying to adopt older kids(preschool to 1st grade range), are you adopting a baby?

Liz

[Hilde]

Originally posted by Shoshana
i'm in the process of adopting my first child.

there doesn't seem to be a lot of activity on this forum...

Hi Shoshana, I am a single woman and waiting to adopt a child (probably a toddler) from Cambodia.
What is your age, and what are your "sorrows" ?
I find it all enormously interesting and passionating, but I get also nervous, because I am now asking myself if I'll do it the right way, if I'm fit for motherhood, etc...
What about you?

[Shoshana]

Hi Everyone

Thanks for your replies! Yes, I am adopting a baby from Guatemala (I hope!). I've received my homestudy approval & immigration approval. Now I will start to work with the agency on the dossierl.
Hmmm, what are my 'sorrows?' I guess you mean "concerns?" Well, I'm almost 44. For being a single parent, I think my situation is relatively ideal because I am a college professor (meaning summers free & lots of vacation :-).
I know that I am also in a good place emotionally and financially and that is a function of my age. My main worries are hoping I can strengthen my back before she arrives, otherwise, I might hurt it (don't laugh ;-).
The other worry is probably neurotic. I remember being a kid and wishing I had young parents (my parents were 28 & 35 when they adopted me as an infant). From a child's perspective I guess, that was 'old.' I don't want my daughter to feel like she's missing something by having an 'old' mom. Isn't that ridiculous?
I am ready and willing to give up my free time (it's not all that exciting anyway :-) but wonder if I'll have enough energy to do everything I'll need to do to be a good mom.
As I mentioned, I'm adopted. I think being adopted will give me a lot of insight into the issues adoptees face. I think it will be really important to involve my child in her culture.
Re finding my birth mother -- I found her when I was 20. And yes, we've been in touch ever since. I also have a half-sister who is my best friend. After I finished graduate school I applied for academic positions. There were only four in the U.S. that fit my criteria. The position I accepted was 1/2 hour away from my birth mother. So now we live in the same town! I can only think it is fate. My adoptive parents and my birth mother are friends and we all get together when my parents visit.
Are you single moms? married? Have other kids?

[emm]

Have you all read the book "Child of my heart" by Barbara Alpert? Just an idea to keep you occupied while waiting for your treasures to arrive.

Its a celebration of adoption full of happy families and love. You will find short stories written by single professional women who have adopted from abroad as well as couples adopting within the United States.

Adopting older children is a great thing to do, so many are just waiting to be loved. I wish you well.

emm

[qs mom]

Hi all!

I'm a single mom (almost) and not quite 40 yet. I'll be 39 next month and I'm adopting my son from Bulgaria. He'll be 3 this summer and I hope to bring him home just before his birthday.

I have to say, I have the same concerns about being the 'old mom'. My parents were 20 and 22 when I was born, so I have the 'young parents'. I'm not too worried about chasing around a toddler, it's the teenage years I'm a little concerned with.

At my age, my parents had a jr. and sr. in high school and were preparing to start they're 'second life' - without kids! I'm just starting.

But, I can't imagine another path. This child I met in November is my son and I can't wait for everything - the good and the bad!

I have faith that all will be well. You should too.

[Howdy]

Shoshana - you definitely won't hear me laughing at the idea of strengthening your back. That's the main reason I'm trying to adopt an older child instead of an infant. I watch my friends' bending over and putting their babies in car seats, and my back hurts just watching! I wonder if there is a back-friendly way to put an infant in a car seat?
I also worry about my kids-to-be thinking I'm too old. And when I read in books how important it is for children's development to be wrestled with... my goodness, I'm too old and fat to want to wrestle with a little boy, he'd win! I don't know how long it takes to get a "Big Brother" but I hope to sign up immediately when I get a boy(s) and I'll try to get one that is young and strong and likes to wrestle, and maybe that will help make up for me being an old fat mom. I just got my hair cut short in a perky look and dyed it to get out all the gray. I'm trying to look like a young mom!
I also have been trying to psych myself into feeling young and bouncy-energetic, but all that does is make me feel more old and tired. I might be able to achieve 'silly'.

[Karen Felisimo]

Hi Shoshana!

I'm also a single woman over 40 (nearly 42) and adopting from Guatemala too. I can't have my own children due to endometrial cancer almost 3 years ago but it's okay because I had always intended to adopt anyway. I'm working on the dossier with my lawyer & adoption agency plus I have tentative plans to go visit my 3 month old daughter at the end of June. I'm so scared about being a single parent but I'm very lucky that my younger sister is walking distance from me and she has 2 kids so I'll have plenty of help and guidance. You are very lucky that your profession allows you the financial freedom and the summers off. I am a case worker in a senior center here in South Florida and I'm starting to look for another job because I won't have enough money to cover all the expenses. I took out a small home equity loan to pay for the adoption. I also worry how my daughter will feel about having an older mom. I've got tons of experience watching children but this is a whole new ball game and I'm a little frightened that I don't know what I'm doing. Please feel free to email me if you would like. It's always nice to have another person going through the same thing.

[salbers]

Congratulations!!!!

I would like to say to all the sinlgle moms who have
adopted or who want to adopt good luck and congrat-
ulations.I have read all your threads and think you will
make fine mothers.Give yourselves credit!!! I am a 52
a/father of an 18 month old and love every minute.
Granted you don't have the stamina you do when your
25,but you will find the energy when you need it!!!

Good Luck to All of You!

[ddbruglio]

I am a single Adoptive Mom I was 38 When my daughter was born. She will soon be turning 3. It is true you don't have the energy you had at 25 but you have alot other thing at 40somthing that you did not have at 25.

I love my life with my daughter. Sure I think of what it is and will be like as we both get older but I know we will have a good life . You know the hardest thing so for for me has been people thinking she is my granddaughter. Boy is that a blow to your ego.

Good Luck and if you have any questions about single parent adoption just let me know its my favoriate subject.

[Shoshana]

So I am not the only over-40 single- mom-to-be!!!

One of my fears (besides the back, and not wanting my daughter to feel deprived b/c of my 'age') has to do with being isolated.

Being a single person, at this age, is isolating - especially when you live in a small town. There are lots of support structures built into communities that revolve around families -- but does that mean single-parent families, or non-traditional single-parent families? I don't have a lot of family around me (one or two close family members but they are pretty busy with their own lives & I only expect them to be able to be a source of emotional support). I guess what I am trying to say is that while I can handle living a fairly solitary life, I am worried about my daughter. Will having friends in school, participating in religious activities, and ME be enough?

While I'm sure I can handle the shopping and cooking, I'm not sure about the cleaning? And who cuts the grass? And who shovels the snow? I'd like to be able to find time for all of these, ahem, activities -- if I do it myself, I save $$, but maybe I won't be able to handle it. How do you make decisions about what tasks to manage, and what tasks to 'subcontract'?

[salbers]

Shoshana....
You will know when its time to contract these services out
when you feel that your not spending as much time with
the baby,and spending more time cleanining,cutting grass,
etc...They are only little for a short time.So who cares,if
your house is messy,or your grass gets a little tall.

A/Father!!