[brett158]

Hello,
I just started classes this week and I heard something that really made me think. The trainer said that they have 1-2 couples in each training group where after they have gone through the whole process, one of the spouses will call her up and say "I don't really want to do this and have only been going through the motions for my wife/husband. Can you just tell her/him that we didnt get approved to be foster/adopt parents?"

I was floored! Has anyone had this experience? I'm single and have not pursued several relationships because the other person would never consider adoption. Ive known since I was little that this is what Ive wanted to do! BUT, I just can't imagine being in a relationship and going through ALL the training and paperwork just cause I couldnt tell my spouse !!

[aedems]

During my classes my instructor kept telling us that this was a class for information to make a decision regarding whether or not we wanted to do this....face it, they told us A LOT in class that we probably didn't think of and many think the behaviors, drama, etc., are only things we would see in movies. We also got emotionally in touch with our feelings and the feelings of children being pulled from their homes, children being abused/neglected, and some of the bioparents grief and despair over their loss.

On one hand, I applaud the spouse for being up front and honest with at least their social worker so they wouldn't hurt (not physically, but not emotionally being invested) any children. It does concern me that the person couldn't talk to their spouse about it and it is probably a good thing they didn't get approved. On the other hand though, you never know someone's entire past....maybe they themselves dealt with neglect/abuse, but have never dealt with it and knew it would bring up too much from their past.

I'm rambling I know....but those are my thoughts!

[stevenstwin]

It IS a somewhat sad comment on the quality of communication in those particular marriages. Lots of people on this board have gone through the initial steps and then had a spouse say "You know what? I don't think I can do this after all." But that is very different from being a chicken and asking the social worker to lie for them!

[chloroxsis]

In my class, we had a couple like that. But I think he just promised to keep an open mind and see it to the end. At the end, they opted out. She really wanted to foster or adopt, but he didn't. They had small children. But he did come. He just never was convinced it was the thing for them to do. That's what the classes are intended to do.