[Krispy]

We have been so blessed to have foster parents in our lives. One of which had an infant which they felt they could not adopt due to their age. We know this family from church and other community activites. We have been doing respite care for the baby for the last 7 months. Now we are planning on adopting him in the next few months. Here is my question. How can we support the foster family and the child during the transition? They have had the baby since the hospital at 2 days of age and he is now 16 months. They have been so supportive calling his worker telling her about our relationship with him. They really want us to have the baby, but I know they are sad. Can someone give me some advice on how to transition the baby and do you think we need to make it so they don't see the baby for a time until he attaches to us? Can you have an open adoption with foster parents?
Thanks

[Suziebearhugs]

It's great that the fosterparents are so supportive of you all adopting.

Yes, it's very possible for you to continue a relationship with them during and after the adoption.

Since they go to your church and you see them at other activities around town it will be hard to have him (not see them) unless you completely change your life around for a while, which I wouldn't recommend.

I'd just plan on seeing them as friends of the family just as you are now, with the only exception being that he's now in your home and your child.

I wouldn't recommend letting him go for sleep overs or babysiting or anything like that at this point. Where he returns to their home.

But visiting in neutral locations, like at church or at your other activities could be very healthy for him. Letting him know that those he loves and that love him don't just dissapear from your life.

If he's used to calling them mom and dad then I'd talk to them about what you'd like him to call them from now on and what they are comfortable with. Maybe they can start transitioning him to hearing mommy"nana" or maybe just use their first names. Once he starts associating that new name to them, you can start dropping the Mommy in front of it and then eventually he'll just call them by their first names or special nick names.

[Withay]

A few questions come to mind.

Has tpr already happened, or is it scheduled for the very near future?

If tpr has happened, has your family been named the adoptive resource for this child?

I don't want to put a damper on your excitement, but if the answer to either of these questions, especially the one on you being named adoptive resource, then I wouldn't start transitioning the child yet.

If, on the other hand you have been named the adoptive resource for him I would agree with Suziebearhugs.

[Krispy]

Thank you for your suggestions. The TPR's have been done and we have been named a resource. I'm not so worried about the child as I am the Foster Parents. I'm just a pleaser and want this to be wonderful.