[OptingtoAdopt2007]

I am having an internal struggle in regards to openess in our adoption. Granted we are just starting the process but I am a planner!! At first I felt very strongly about, "This is my child! I don't want BP's involved whatsoever. Yada yada yada." I have been doing some reading and it made me remember wanting to know if I looked like my father (he and my mother never married, he TPR'd so my step-father could adopt my brother and I when he and my mom got married). Anyway, I know that this can be a huge issue with adoptees...wanting to know where their features come from, if they get certain talents from BP's, etc. and I have also read that being upfront and walking with your child thru their birth/life story is a way to attach and help the child greive so they may move on to attach with you.

SO, I am now torn...I want to create a lifebook and include pics. of our future child's BP's, relatives, foster parents, etc. but is that even allowed in state straight adoption? Will our AD person just laugh at me when I mention it? Does it matter if I really don't want contact between our child and the BP's at least not until that child has become a teenager and decides whether or not to seek them out?? Can anyone help me with this?

I appreciate it!

[Emster]

Your adoption worker should not laugh at your wishes to make a lifebook and help your child understand their origins. If they do, find another worker. Openness can mean many things, from just exchanging pics and letters or even simply an initial meeting before placement, all the way to a fully open adoption where you open your families to one another. I'm happy you are expanding your viewpoint of what you want based on your child's best interests. Keep reading and I bet things will become even more clear to you! I am speaking as an amom who requested closed adoption, and now it is fully open with phone calls, emails and visits. And its good.

Good luck!

[Mkuhlmann06]

If you are doing straight adoption through foster care, not matter what, the child in foster care should have a lifebook. They should which should have pics of their bios, their life, their foster famililes they've lived in. Unfortunately for us, T's was lost in his shuffles in foster care. I am now working to redo 10 yrs worth and having the county/agency contact previous FPs and his bios for pics.

We don't have contact with T's bios, but the agency will be sending a yearly newsletter with all the kids update for the year to the bio mom. Its not legally binding, but all the adoptive parents of all the siblings have agreed and the agency is going to be the middle man.