[Neecy]

HIi Casey, I'm sure you've been told many times that counseling may help you with your feelings of low self esteem and pain. I recommend it highly.

I don't know what your bmother's circumstances were, but as a bmother myself, I can tell you this (and it has been my experience that many, many bmothers feel the same as I): I did not want to give up my child to anyone. When you are very young, you don't always have choices. When I carried my bson, I felt extreme love and attachment to him; so much so that I spent years in serious depression and grief. I think it is unlikely that you were not "wanted". Most adoptions are so much more complicated than that. In fact, if you were adopted, then you were obviously wanted very very much because your aparents did not have to accept you as their own. They chose to. That means you had great value to two people who wanted you. Just don't assume that your bmother didn't want you. I wanted my baby desperately and was not really able or even "allowed" to keep him. (too young to fight it). I could never forget my bson, though I've had to learn to not think of him every day anymore. I would have gone insane had I not learned to cope and go on with my life, so that is also sometimes the emotion that bmothers feel later on..... I do love my children that are a part of my life enough to die for them, but I would have felt the same way had I had the opportunity to keep my son. Life is often sad and hard. That is also true for people who have nothing to do with the adoption triangle. Many people struggle with low self esteem and feelings of sadness over life circumstances. Counseling can help. What has also helped me and made the most difference in my life is my relationship with God. He has helped me to understand I am forgiven and that I can pray for my bson and that HE loves him more than any human could. So you are also loved by God. Your life was created by Him, precious beyond anything we can measure and has eternal value. I urge you to find ways to process your emotions so that you can enjoy your life.
Neecy

[scullen]

DON'T GIVE UP! The decision that was made was about THEM, not YOU! Maybe you can just relax about it for a bit, but please don't keep crying. You have a family that loves you and maybe you should count on that for now. I myself had a birthfather who held me after I was born and still left. It still hurts, however my adoptive Dad means everything to me. He is my DAD, anyone can make a child. It is the person who raises and LOVES that child that is a FATHER! I wish you the Best! SCullen