[almab]

My stepdaughter is in a semi-open relationship with her birthdaughter's family. We know the family's name and where they live. They are in Minnesota, we are in Texas. The family agreed to meet L. when they came to Dallas to pick the baby up. The adoptive mother sends updates in the form of scrapbook pages that we add to. I send updates of stepdaughter same way. Stepdaughter can't handle writing letters, and prefers that I remain the mediator. We feel it is important for both sides to keep the lines of communication open, health history part of the picture.

The adoptive family is not willing to do more than two updates a year and are not open to visitation at this point. L., my stepdaughter, had so much pain from the adoption I don't think she could handle visits. L. has been for counseling but did not stay with it. Just wanted to share our experience, since everyone is different.

[gigigeorge]

I am an adoptive mom in a very open adoption with our sons birthmom and her extended family. For us, when we made the decision to adopt we knew that we wanted to have some level of contact. First because I have a friend (in his mid 30's) who received a phone call about 5 years ago from the agency who handled his adoption - he had no idea he was adopted. His birth family wanted to meet him, when he asked his adoptive parents about it they told him if he talked to 'the people who threw him away' they would disown him. So he was torn, but in the end met with his birthfamily. (also as an aside, his birthmom did not 'throw him away', she was young and pregnant and thought she was doing the right thing.

The other adoption situation involved my grandmother, she was adopted as an infant in 1920's NY City, the only information she has is her birthmoms name and we aren't even sure it is accurate. She passed away last year never knowing anything about her birthfamily and it caused her tremendous grief.

So for us, it was the right decision.

g.
www.gtjohnson.blogspot.com

[cia27]

what if the bmom cuts off contact in a semi- open and the choice is irrevocable. how does that benefit the child. the ap will never be able to communicate or contact the **. i would think the ad would never tell this part. do you agree.

[vera19]

I am a birthmom in a semi-open adoption. My semi-open adoption consists of pictures a couple times a year and meetings once or twice a year. I chose semi-open because i know that for me personally it would be just too painful to see my birthdaughter on a more regular basis....but then again all open and semi open adoptions are different..the aparents and birthparents decide on the specifics.

thinking that open adoption is a good thing and benefit to the child is only an opinion..based on what that person went through..but im sure not all open adoptions are a good thing..and that can be said for anything!

I believe that semi-open adoption is good for MY birthchild because thats what i believe in my heart is best. She is almost 2 years old..so still too young to understand. Its nice knowing that she will be raised by her aparents knowing that i am her birthmom. when she is older if she wants she can choose to see me more if she wants too( i hope so ).

So what i am saying is no one would pick an open or a semi-open adoption without thinking that that is what is best for thier child. and that all situation is different and unique in there own way.