[sneall]

I was reading the last thread and thought i would post a new. We are hopeful adoptive parents and I feel i have done lots of research and talked to alot of people on both sides of the open and "closed" adoption topic. Like someone said in the other post-it depends on situations-neglect, abuse..is a no brainer. But i personally feel open adoption is much more healthier for all involved.
I have heard so many sad stories about bmoms being left out in the cold. Can not imagine what that would be like-not knowing anything about the child you gave life to. In my opinion-the kind of adoption chosen should be determined by the birth parents.
That is why I ask the question-why do more bparents not choose independent adotions? I know that there are risk involved-but it seems so much more personable-as long as both aparents and bparents have proper representation and everyone agrees-it could be alot better for everyone involved.
For us-it would be my dream not to invovle an agency. Any one had success or any feed back on independent adoption?
Thanks-Stacie

[raybuffer]

A great question. I am supportive of independent adoption as long as the rights of the adoptee when mature are considerred. I think the more that the "Adoption Machine" that is today's Social Services can be taken away from the State's power, the better adoption will be for it. Independent adoption allows the birthparent to choose their child's adoptive parent and vice versa, however one reason I think it is not yet popular is it is estimated to cost twice as much as traditional adoptions since all expenses are incurred by the parties and not subsidized by the state.

A certified social worker still has to be hired to do the at home evaluations and last count I had, Independent adoption is illegal in CO, CT, DE and MA.

I hope you are able to adopt. By the way I clicked your website link and got an error page. There may be something wrong with the link or your server.

Best Regards,

Ray Buffer

[sneall]

Thanks Ray for your response. have another question for you or anyone who may be able to answer. My neighbor's babysitter, who I also know, knows of a bmom that gave birth on Tues of last week. The bmom is currently in rehab and placed the baby w an agency here in Texas. From what I was told the agency or bmom must publish something that informs the bfather of the adoption, then after 21 days the baby can be placed? Not really sure how that works. I still do not have alot of info yet.
My question is -can the bmom call the agency and request my husband and I for the adoption. Erin (the baby sitter) knows the bmom personally and she wants to tell her all about us. We have our home study complete...I know this could be a long shot, but I would like to try. Just a little concerned that the agency will not let the bmom make a recommendation? I am assuming the baby is in a foster home at this point.
One thing I do know is that I will not sleep a wink tonight! I would apprecaite your feed back.
Thanks-Stacie


Ray-I checked our site and it seems to be working?

[JORDANMODE]

Hi My name is Cindy Jordan I am birthmom to Malia who is 19 months old. I am new to the adoption forum been here a little over a month but I have read and replied to many posts and I am so glad that my adoption was an independent one. No baby sellers involved ... Sorry if the label offends I just see so much money going to agency's and can only wonder how and agency that makes a "business" of adoption can adequately counsel a potential birthmother. I selected my daughters Mom and Dad from an independent post they had placed on the internet .. I merely typed the words "couples looking to adopt..and a wide selection appeared ... they were the first and only coupole I looked at ... I just knew .. maybe my praying up until that point was ansewred and I simply follwed Gods plan ... I do not know but I do know one thing ... I was never pressured and never felt in any way obligated to anyone other than my Malia ... Their support in no way was contingent on my placing her .. even at the hospital right after Mlaia was born her adoptive Dad said they would even help me to keep her but I knew then as I know now that they are the best gift I as well as Malia could have hoped for. I have read the horror stories of birthmothers pressured ionto signing and of agencies closing and leaving no "moderator" available to continue the communication between the birth and adoptive families .. I feel the initial direct contact I had while I was pregnant with Malia's Mom and Dad allowed me to "reaffirm and solidify" my decision to place her while I was pregnant and therefore I had no second thougths after she was born. I firmly believe than no agency no third party no outsider to the triad could have helped me any better. I am all for independent adoptions and will be more than willing to refer to you the attornies involved in my transaction ... they were wonderful and the "independent couseling I received was both non biased but healthy Good luck in your search ...

[raybuffer]

Each state has variations to the rule, but yes a legal notice must be published in a public newspaper announcing the intent to allow the child to be adopted, if the birth father was not identified or could not be found.

I wonder though if your babysitter is not getting your hopes up needlessly. If the rehab is temporary, perhaps the birthmother will allow a family member or foster care to watch over her child until she is able to take over again.

I hope it works out for all involved.

Ray Buffer

[orangekitty]

Some agency adoptions are great; some are horrible. The same with independent adoptions. I have an email pal who did an independent adoption thru a lawyer...as soon as the baby was home w/ the aparents she was thrown out like yesterday's garbage. Her daughter is over a year old & she has yet to see a picture.

I think the key is what you said, as long as all parties have adequate representation, either independent or agency adoption can work. I often recommend that expectent mothers work w/ an agency b/c they are more likely to provide pre- and post-adoption counseling. A lawyer deals with facts & legalities, the "exchange" of the baby from one set of parents to the other. A good (emphasize 'good') pregnancy/adoption counselor can help a lot in dealing with more than facts...feelings, problems, etc. that can arise.

As far as agencies closing & bmoms being left w/ no one to mediate for them...lawyers go out of business too...all the more reason to have direct contact w/ the aparents & not rely on a mediator.

Cec
dbs 10-20-00