[usmcfamily]

I would like some feedback from bmom on the following questions.


1. How open would you want your adoption to be?
2. Would you be willing to do holiday's/vacations?
3.Do you think that is to much to expect of bmom?


We are looking for a very open adoption, lots of communication as much as possible. Do you think we are asking to much. Please help us.

[DonnaLynn]

I to am looking for this sort of adoption situation. I hope that when my bmom and I find each other there will be a loving relationship between us. I feel that it will be in the best interest of all concerned. I look to be a positive influence in her life so that she will Always know she made the right choice in the Aparents for the baby daughter we will share.


Unless it is their expressed wish I just cannot see bmoms being excluded, I cannot and will not try to speak for all bmoms but I must believe that most all of them love the babies they intrust to Aparents. The very reason they are making the choice to choose adoption is love. And KNOWING that the Best way to love Their babies is to find the Right Aparents to love them to. I can not say weather or not Open adoption will make the choice any easier, I can only hope that the right parents both birth and adoptive come together and the children know that they are loved by all concerned.

Open Adoption : For me is the blessing of loving and being loved by my adopted daughter, her birth mother and all others who wish to be inclued.

Waiting for Miranda

[DisneyKid]

i would like to chat with u again...Jenn

[trippingdaisy]

I am a bmom of a very open adoption.We have wonderful visits and discuss all kinds of plans in the future.I think that you just need to find the right bmom.I have meet alot of other bmoms who don't want that kind of openess but there a re few of us who do.I enjoy knowing all that I know about my daughter and her parents.I hope you find the right bmom for you.Because as long as you both go into with the same wants it makes everything so much better for everyone.Good Luck in your search.

[usmcfamily]

I want to thank everyone for your help in easing my mind that we are making the right choices

[Tori Koubek]

We are also looking for an open adoption we have had experience in both and we miss our neice dearly and her adoptive parents refuse contact because she was getting old enough to ask questions. I beleive that the relationship between the adoptive parents and the birth family can be a very wonderful thing! Thanks, Shanon and Tori

[mintshastagrape]

i would want a very open adoption. i would do holidays if they came here because i always spend holidays with my family. i would do vacations as long as it didnt infere with vacations with my own family. i would let the adoptive family go on vacation with me and my family.

[Jennifer]

Kym

You are making the right choices about the openness of your adoption and as along as the birthmom agrees with this and is very comfortable than all should be fine.

There is nothing wrong with having the birthparents and even members of their family being included in birthdays and holidays and even if they are not celebrated on the same day as your own families because of travelling distance or other reasons special days can be set aside for everyone to be together. It has got to give the birthparents that extra level of comfort in knowing they made the right choice when they chose you and your dh, and the same goes for the rest of us hopeful adoptive parents out here.

When we had been chosen by a bmom last spring, we spent a week in NC with her, her daughter and even her parents and we had a good relationship with her parents. Her daughter was very shy and doesn't go to people she doesn't know but she had no problem in sticking to my dh's side the entire time. Sadly she delivered a stillborn boy a month before her due date, but she still remains in our lives and a part of our family. She is even looking forward to the day when she can be an "aunt" to our adopted child.

Open and honest relationships are the best, especially in adoptions.

Good luck to all

Jennifer

[mintshastagrape]

comfort levels are important for all involved.

[LittleMissLost]

As a bmom trying to find a family, I have to go with the group here. Personally, I'm seeking a family that wants an open adoption where I can actually see my little girl grow up. I've spoken to other bmoms and some are very uncomfortable about open adoption. Guess we all have our own views and hopes of what we want in this relationship we are creating. But you should not accept anything less that what you want because I am sure it is out there. Good luck.
Mary[color=seagreen][font=arial]

[Jennifer]

LittleMissLost

You are right, everyone needs to go with what they are comfortable with and what they want. I see nothing wrong with making promises to our childs "first mom" because I know we would keep every promise made to her. We are firm believers in that saying " a promise made is a promise kept" personally I would love to be able to give her the knowledge that her decision to place her baby with us was the right decision and to provide her with the joy of seeing her child grow up and in knowing the this precious little one is loved and cherished by so many people.

But, open adoption is not for everyone and another good idea with open adoptions is if someone starts to feel awkward or uncomfortable you should all be able to discuss your feelings openly and honestly.

Just my opinion and hopes for how we would love for our adoption plans to be ...... when the day comes that we are blessed, which we know it will for we will never give up on our dreams!!!

Jennifer

[usmcfamily]

I just think that are wait will be longer than most , to find that perfert match that wants all the contact that we want. We haven't found a birthmom yet that wants as much as we want. Sometimes I worry we are asking too much, but I truly believe that a child needs to know everyone that loves them, it will make them stronger in life and much more sucessfull knowing all the people love them so much to do everything that is best for them. So I guess we will keep waiting, I know there is a family out there waiting to find us like we are waiting to find them.

Thanks again for all your wonderful support and comments.

[ELLENABER]

My situation may be somewhat different from other posters, and I can only speak from my experience. My husband and I adopted our two foster children (girls), now aged 10 and 12. They came to us as foster children when they were 7 and 9. At the age they were when they came to us, I didn't feel it was right to exclude the birth families from their lives (especially the grandparents), although we would have been within our "rights" to do so, and were even encouraged by DSS not to have contact with the birth mother and father. The mother was a drug addict who died January, 2002, from a drug overdose and the father is a career criminal who also has a substance abuse problem. (The birth mother and father had also plotted a couple of times to "kidnap" the girls from us.) I sometimes regret allowing the girls to maintain contact with their father (which is NEVER unsupervised), however, I have never regretted allowing the extended families to have contact--they have become great friends and occasionally help out when I need someone to watch the girls! If you are not dealing with drug addicts and criminals, your experience with the birth families is bound to be rewarding and enriching, but think long and hard about involvement with the unsavory element.

Ellen

[LittleMissLost]

[color=seagreen]
A few comments here. First, Ellen, you are braver than I would expect anyone to be when it comes to adoption. If I were on the other side of adoption and my bparents were unsavory in the way you described I would have doubts about including them in my child's life. I agree the child should know who their bparents were but to let them have contact would make me too nervous. I think your choice was based on what you believed to be best and that is all that counts here.
Now, as I am a bmom to be, I must say that I can only hope to find a family that wants the same kind of open adoption I want. I want to be involved with my baby girl's life but only as long as I don't interfere with her relationship with her aparents. If i could be a big part of her life I would be happy but if that isn't meant to be... then I will deal with that too. Anyway, good luck with your kids and to everyone here.... God bless.

Mary

[withopenarms]

I to totally believe in open adoption. I want to have a special relationship with my childs bmom . My children bio or adopted will never know the difference and I will hold the same standards that I have with all children. My husband and I do not associate and or believe in drugs and alcohol usage. It would be a very difficult situation to be in but if bparents where into these that are not exceptable then we would have to do intervene. We are hoping by having a open adoption we will learn enough about the bmom before the adoption . To make sure this is the match for us. We always have to remember what is in the best interest in our childs life .