[ktfischer]

I'm appauled at some of the posts here...I have only just started the long road to adoption and it really is sad how birth moms and agencies hold that newborn over our heads, I think that the agencies are a scam and it seems to me that the birthmothers are given false hopes and then treated like"garbage" once the child is born. If I was a birth mother and read some of the messages here I would seriously consider finding someone on my own. There are plenty of families out here who are not monsters and who would care for you baby like it was their own. I think that these young and not so young women should be greatful that they can have children. Coming from someone who will never have the experience I am very saddened by these notes.

[bromanchik]

Not all agencies are good, just as not all facilitators or lawyers are good. The fact is that some inform well and some don't. I know great agencies the educate and work well with both prospective birthparents and adoptive parents. I also know lawyers and facilitators that do the same.

Please try and remember that adoption exists to find parents for children who are not able to be raised by their family of birth. Until a baby is born, there is no way for a mother and father by birth to make a fully informed decision on whether or not they feel as though they can provide for that child.

Adoption, contrary to popular opinion, is not about providing babies or children to those who want, or in some cases feel a desperate need, for one.

[Cheerio!]

I liked your reminder, bromanchik.

"Adoption, contrary to popular opinion, is not about providing babies or children to those who want, or in some cases feel a desperate need, for one."

[adoptivemom2000]

I also like the statement that "adoption exists to find parents for children who are not able to be raised by their family of birth". I am an adoptive mom and I never felt that I was owed a baby. I just felt that I could be a wonderful mom and wanted the chance.
ktfischer--If you are new to adoption, prepare yourself for a lot of ups and downs! Unfortunately, there are both good and bad individuals in the adoption community.

[usmcfamily]

Adoption is a gift the greatest gift in the world,

How would you treat the person who gave you the gift that you always wanted, would you just say thanks and forget that person or would you want to always be friends with that person. Would you want your communication to be thru lawyers and business people or would you want it to be based on a friendship that leads to the wonderful gift giving and lifelong friendship

[jornfit]

I can give some sound advice based on experience. KNOW the adoption laws of your state----every one of them. Birth mothers and prospective adoptive parents alike need to know the adoption laws. Know who's consents are required, who is required to be notified of the petition for adoption,----know everything and make sure your agency/lawyer is compliant with those laws. Avoid a legal risk placement.

True, not all agencies are good. I placed a baby through an agency in San Antonio TX twelve years ago. It was to be a "semi-open" adoption, meaning that I was supposed to receive an annual photo of my child. This did not work out for me; they never sent one after the first year. This is sad, but oh well. Things don't always turn out the way you hoped. However, I think there are certain risks inherent in going with "independent" adoption. When you work with an agency, they have the resources to do background checks on the prospective adoptive parents, to make sure they conform to certain guidelines and that they meet the criterion to be adoptive parents. A birthmother, particularly if she is only a teenager, may not have the experience or the judgement to make that call (ie. whether or not a couple is fit to adopt.) When it comes to the safety of your child, you want to make sure that certain minimum standards are met. After all, a birthmother will not be there to protect her child. It's hard to take it on faith that total strangers are actually the good, loving people they profess to be. Therefore, despite the fact that the adoptive parents of my child did not honor their agreement to remain in contact, I still take some comfort in knowing that they were thoroughly investigated beforehand and that my baby is probably safe and happy with them. I'm not sorry I went through an agency. In regard to your comment about how birthmothers should be "grateful" that they can have children at all, I'm not sure I understand. I would rather be infertile and never have a child than go through the pain of having a child and losing it forever. YOU should be grateful that you will never have to know this pain, the pain of giving birth to a child that you will never see again. Good luck to you.

[Pixie]

All adoptive parents must have a homestudy, whether the adoption is through an agency or private (attorney only).