[Ashley-n-D]

anyone here in a very open adoption like birth parents coming to birthdays and taking the child for occasional overnights like an aunt or uncle. im thinking about approaching the mom of the little boy i am guardian of about this kind of relationship. shes not doing the greatest with her placement plan and things just keep getting worse for her and i think she knows that her chances of having him back with her are slim.

has any1 done this?


as birth parents go would you enjoy this or would it be to hard to see them frequently ?

[susie_book]

This is a tricky one, and of course the bottom line is that only your son's bmom knows what she'd like best. But you know that. I can tell you that for me, it would be hard--I don't like the idea of an overnight visit, frankly, although if it's something my son and his parents want in the future, I'm willing to accomodate that. But having a visit with him without his parents would feel like we were playing some kind of let's-pretend that wouldn't be healthy for me. As it is, his parents want visits more often than his bdad or I do--but we're more than willing, we have a good relationship with his parents (the kid himself is still too small to care), and enjoy their company.

I hope you get more responses; since your child was taken from his bmom, though, instead of it being a voluntary relinquishment (I infer), her situation is different from those of most of the bmoms/first moms I see post here. Good luck navigating--this stuff all seems so tricky sometimes.

[Ashley-n-D]

[quote=susie_book

I hope you get more responses; since your child was taken from his bmom, though, instead of it being a voluntary relinquishment (I infer), her situation is different from those of most of the bmoms/first moms I see post here. Good luck navigating--this stuff all seems so tricky sometimes.[/QUOTE]

it is voluntary placement but now that shes placed him he wont return until she completes the plan she agreed too ( she helped create it) and now she isnt working on it. i just want her to make this decsion before the court makes it for her and if they do they may not chose me as permanent placement they may look at her relatives and thats something she doesnt want thats why she voluntarily gave gaurdianship to me because DOESN"T want him raise by the same people who messed her up. and i am trying to determine some ways to make her comfortable with the aranngement. she knows in her heart that he probably isnt going to return but isn't ready to admit it yet and if she doesn't they will take away her power to decide for herself. If Cps steps in she might never see him again but i want to make sure that doesnt happen

[aallen25]

Coming from an adoptive mom......I'm not comfortable (at this point anyway) with overnight visits, however DD's birth mom will be at her 2nd birthday party next month. Regarding DD's adoption we are open to most anything, but overnight visits. We even spent mother's day together this year.

[thanksgivingmom]

I think if it's something you're comfortable with then overnight visits can be a wonderful thing.

It's something I don't forsee my daughters Mom being comfortable with, but it's the sort of thing I would certainly embrace. I have many neices and nephews that I have overnight - we play at the pool, watch movies, and play games. I would anticipate that an overnight visit with my daughter would be much of the same. I wouldn't try to be "Mom" on the visit, as I am very clear with that boundary.

I do know that there are open adoptions where this sort of visit DOES take place, and where all parties are very comfortable with the arrangement.

Again, if it's something that YOU'RE comfortable with, I think it's something worth discussing.