[Marie8888]

I just found out I am pregnant. We were told by a Dr. a few years ago we couldn't have children, we included this information in our profile. When and how should I tell my son's birthmother. It a semi-open adoption with pictures and letters. I have three times to tell her between now and my due date. Which do you think is the most sensitive?

1) When I will be sending the next packet of letter and pictures to her when I am 8 weeks along. I have my first ultrasound at 6 1/2 weeks.

2) Motherdays I will be 14 weeks when I send her a card and pictures. (Some how I think this is the worst of three options, but then again that may be because of my years on infertility.)

3) The last time before the baby is due would be 35 weeks that I would write it and she would get it when I am 38 weeks along. Is this too late to tell?

She is a very intellegent woman and I am afraid that she might see a picture on myspace or on-line somewhere. I don't know that she checks there but I try to be contious of what I post on-line that indentifies myself because I know she may check it.

Marie

[RavenSong]

Oh, boy, this is a toughie. Let me see... I wouldn't send it on Mother's Day ~ I think that might be a little bit rough for her. Personally, if it was me, I would probably wait until later in the pregnancy. However, if you think she might find out on your MySpace page, then go ahead and tell her on your next update. Or you could send her an extra letter, somewhere around your fifth or sixth month.

And a huge "CONGRATULATIONS!!!" You must be so excited!! A new baby is always such a blessing!

[belleinblue1978]

Personally I would stay away from Mother's Day. I grieve on that day and really have a hard time caring about anyone else's happiness. Yeah, selfish, but we all have to be selfish sometimes.

I'd actually write an extra letter around five or six months like Raven suggested. Just tell her felt that was a more appropriate time because you were secure you would carry the pregnancy to term and didn't want to burden her on Mother's Day.

Just my 2 cents.

[thanksgivingmom]

I completely agree with belle. Mother's Day (for me) wouldn't feel appropriate. I think that an additional letter would be your best bet.

[BrandyHagz]

Tell her when you're telling everyone else in the family/friendly circles.

That's different for everyone - some wait till 2nd trimester - others, CD30

Good luck and congrats!

[mygrl4meee]

Even though I didn't have a open adoption experience, I never knew it was a option to push for. She did get adopted my a couple of my aunts, so my aunt was afraid to tell me.
If I remember right, she told me when I had my son, the first child, I was raising. I was actully happy for them, well happy for my daughter. It made me happy, that she wouldn't be a only child.
You got great advice on when to tell,just giving ya my thoughts, that it might be good news to her.