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Originally Posted By birthmom Jamie

This is a quote from Jana Wolff, author of the book(Secret thoughts of an adoptive mother)

She says "No matter how distant, it's a connection that can't be severed. Martie (bmother)is forever a part of Ari's life & mine; & he will always be a part of hers. I hope that she'll be there for her son when he comes looking for answers that I can not provide. I hope that she'll lead him one day to his birthfather, if that is where Ari wants to go. I need Martie to help me raise our son. I don't need her at bath time, or story time, or bed time.But I definitely need her to help me paint a complete picture for Ari, of who he is & where he came from. There are questions only she can answer, commonalities only she can offer."

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Originally Posted By Andy

I guess I have to get that book - it sounds like me

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Originally Posted By Bonnie

Jamie, so glad that you picked up the book I suggested. Tell me what you thought.

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Originally Posted By birthmom Jamie

Truthfully I thought that the author said some very harsh & cruel words about her son that will hurt him when he reads this book. The point that I got out of it was that she needed counseling before she adopted a child of another race.The fact that she went into it without counseling really took a toll on the triad. When her child & the childs birthmother reads this I think that it will do more damage to them as a family unit than good.Bonnie please comment also which parts did you like ? Which parts did you find harsh?

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Originally Posted By Bonnie

Interesting. I agree with you that she should have had counseling before adopting a child of another race. I know how much couseling helped my husband and me in adopting a child of the same race as us.

However, aside from that, I just found that I shared some of her feelings, such as bonding issues and the fear of ultimately losing him one day to his birthmother. I think most a-parents have that fear, though. I guess just seeing these things in print made me realize that I am not alone. That made me feel better.

Why do you think this will do the family unit harm?