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Originally Posted By Heather (geNeric_gurL)

I have read ove these posts and its incredible the strong oppinion everyone has towards open adoption vs.closed adoption, I haven't read one thing about semi open, which is what I chose to do. I was able to choose the family I placed my daughter with, I met them I recieved a bio about them, or a packet that gave me all of their non identifying info. They were also given the same about me and my daughters birth father. I have been able to recieve letters and pictures and have been able to send letters in response. I will be able to send a letter every year on Kamis birthday for the rest of her life if I would like. This is the ideal situation for me and for Kami and her family. She has the security of a mom and a daddy without being confused about the person always lingering in the background. But at the same time she will know who I am and that I love her very much. She will also know that she has hundreds of people who love her, those on this side of the adoption triad along with those on her side. I truly believe she will grow up feeling nothing but love. yes there may be some questions in the future, but her adoptive parents are wonderful and are willing to share everything with her. I recommend semi open adoption, it alows the birth mom to see that her baby is being raised well and it alows the adoptive family to feel like a family and not just an "18 year babysitter". And as for adoption taking a turn for the worse, that is nonsense. There just hapens to be a greater need for proper education when it comes to adoption, very rarely is it like they show it on tv. Jus my oppinion, Heather

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Originally Posted By why

It seems like both the birth parents and adoptive parents are happy with the adoption choices out there, but why do adoptees seem to differ? Personally (for me)
I cannot see adoption as a good thing. It has caused so much heartache and pain. Looks like the only ones happy about the arrangement are the parental side of the triad. Not hearing too many of those who were placed jumping on the adoption band wagon.

How does one know if a stranger is the right family?
My bmom thought she gave me to the right family too; I wonder if she would have let a stranger drive her car away too? I mean I really want to know "why" - why did
my bmom give me away? God when will these questions and feelings stop?

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Originally Posted By birthmom Jamie

I too have a semi-open triad but it includes periodic visitation which is held on neutral ground like at a park or something.It's like we can all go to the zoo together as a family, the Aparents,my bson & my mom & I.We can enjoy quality time together as a family unit but we still haven't shared identifying information only first & middle names.An agency member is there with us also during the meeting.It's been 16 months & everything is very possitive.I had 1 meeting with them after his adoption was legal during his first year.The second visit was after he turned 1.I believe that semi-open is great to start off with,but I also believe that holding my bson was as just as important.I also met the Aparents in the flesh when I was pregnant& also I had them with me at the hospital after he was born.It's great to put your arms around & hug the parents of your bchild.

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Originally Posted By Sarah

We originally had a semi-open adoption. But for some reason, we have grown into a fully ope adoption. We even send letters and stuff directley to them. We have eachtothers phones and everything. She will be 1 next month and I still haven't seen her because I'm scared. God really blessed me and the birthdad by giving the adoptive parents to us. They are great. Cathy is so sensitive to me I even got flowers on Mothers day. Open adoption is fantastic, even though it hurts a little more....it is worth it in the long run(at least, i forsee it as that)

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Originally Posted By Bonnie

Heather, thank you. I am an adoptive mom who shares the same things with our son's birthmother as yours does. We met our son's bmom 3 times before he was placed with us. She knew us pretty well. I only wish that she would also write to him. Our agency is the "middle-man" and all correspondence goes through them. However, his bmom hasn't sent any letters or photos. I suppose she is not ready to do that yet. I keep copies of all letters we send her, so that our son will have them and know that at least 2 or 3 times each year, we wrote her. I, too, believe that semi-open adoption is wonderful.

Again, thank you for also saying that the adoptive family gets to feel like a family. You truly have insight to this.

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Originally Posted By birthmom Jamie

I also keep copies of the letters that I write to the afamily.In case of a fire or something.Sometimes I sit & read them & it is great for my own healing.

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Originally Posted By Mallory

I guess I am the flip side. Mya doption has been a blessing. I have questions, like may adoptees, but over all, I was never beaten & my parents loves me as a baby & are head-over-hills in love with me as I grow

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Originally Posted By mom2jt

hi heather - I am an adoptive mom and i have a semi-open adoption. I completely agree that this is the best way to go. I have a wonderful relationship with my sons bmom. I send her letters every 3 months for the first year and i plan to send her annually after that. I have all her unidentifying info and she has mine. I'm so glad to hear how content you are being that you are a bmom. It makes me feel good and even better about my decison.

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Originally Posted By mom2jt

Mallory thank you for that post. I am an adoptive mom and love my son sooooooooooooooooooo much. I just hope he feels as you do when he grows up. I know he will have questions and I hope i can answer them to his satisfaction but if he feels as secure and loved as you do that is more then i could hope for!!!!!!!!!!!!1

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Originally Posted By Lizzie

I was thrilled to read your post, Heather, I too have a semi-open adoption and 'our precious girl' (as her adoptive mum calls her in her letters to me) was twelve years old this year.. It has worked so well for me that I too feel more people should be aware of it's availability and success.

The sixty or more pictures of my daughter I have received over the years can't lie.. She is beautiful, healthy, happy, loved and SECURE.Each picture tells me so and collectively they shout it.Open adoption would not suit me, but closed would kill me. To get pictures means everything to me and I can watch for myself how she is thriving and enjoying her childhood years..

I suppose I am lucky too because my childs adoptive mum has a simiilar atitude to mine, that being that your child is not your possesion. Neither of us own 'baby' We are blessed. Me, to have the privelege of being her birthmom (coz she really is sooo gorgeous), Adoptive Mum, the privelege to steer her through life till she is ready to go out and be independent.

I know why I would not have been the best person to raise my child and when the day comes that she asks me about it I hope I can express myself succinctly and without self pity.

So if any one out there is considering semi-open adoption, here's one completely content birthmom to encourage you. It can be the making of your life and EQUALLY as important the making of your childs life..



All the best Lizzie

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Originally Posted By cara

i am also adopted but i feel totally opposite from you. i was luckly adopted by parents who love me and i have no wishes to find my bmomther. i am satisfied with who my parents are now and they raised me and no one can ever take that away or change that. i think that you have to apprectiate what you have now and that someone wanted you i mean yeah your mother gave you up but i'm sure she had a good reason and most likely it was for your benefit, so that you could live a good life.

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Originally Posted By Ruby

I am the mother of two adopted children. I would not want the birth mother to be a part of their lives. It does depend on decisions in my view. I made the decision to become a mother. The birth mother made the decision to not be a mother. (I am not saying that it was easy, however, the decision was made.) Once decisions are made, you can't turn back. I was willing to take a child and put up with any problems that I might have to face. I would not expect to work extremely hard at raising a child only to have the birth mother waltz back into his life to pick up the pieces. I think more consideration has to be given to the adoptive mother's feelings. This is my child and I don't want another person feeling she has a right to step in and feel a sense of belonging well into my child's life. I am sure a birth mother would not tolerate that, why should the mother of adopted children have to.

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Originally Posted By Cara

Were you the result of open, semi or closed adoption. I feel you obviously have some issues regarding your adoption, or you wouldn't be here in Adoption world.

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Originally Posted By To Ruby from a loving Mom

Ruby,

Because adoption should be about the adoptees and not the adopted parents.

Adoption should be about "Finding Homes for Children" NOT "Finding Children For Homes".
You need to copy this Post you wrote and show it to your Adopted Children when they search for their Birthmothers (and they will want to): Just remember if it wasn't for the Birthmother and her decision, you would have to AS YOU PUT IT: "put up with any problems that "I" might have to face. I would not expect to work extremely hard.........

Its obvious to me that you could never have an open adoption, cause all the agencies and in particular the Birthmother would see how selfish and shallow you are. My heart goes out to your adopted children which you think you own and deserve; and their Birthmothers. I'm glad its not my child.
I'm sure you were very willing to "jump" into some birthmom and childs life to get what you wanted.

Remember, copy your post and keep it and when your old and bitter (not that you not young and bitter), you can read it for comfort while your adopted children look for comfort somewhere else.

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Originally Posted By a loving mom

mom2jt,

It comforts me to share the great side of the adoptive parents. Your sons are obviously very lucky. I just blasted that Ruby amom cause moms like her make me ill. She is one of the reasons why Bmoms are afraid to place their children for adoption, whether it be opened, closed or semi. Just because bmoms relinquish their babies, it doesn't mean they don't love them and they should just forget about them. God bless you and your family.

So you know, I am a birthmom and an adoptive mom. So I speak from lots of experience.