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Originally Posted By Gwen

My son was placed in foster care at birth by birth mom and that is when he was placed with me. He was legally adopted by me in February. I could not be any more blessed. My situation is different because birth mom requested no contact but I feel the opposite. I want her to want semi-open at least. I would love this for her and my son. She has a daughter also that I want my son to know. I have thought about writing to her to see if she now would like some sort of contact. I am so grateful to her for my son and don't want to go against her wishes, but, I also want whats best for my son. What do I do?

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Originally Posted By birthmom

If I were in your suituation I would try writing a letter to her. As a birthmom I do not have any contact with my son. I only want contact with my son at such a time he requests it. I miss him and think of him everyday. Yes it is difficult not being a part of his life. His parents respect my wishes, but before they agreed to the adoption they wanted to make sure that when or if he wanted to meet me I was open to that. I am of course open to that, but I want it to be his decision. I gave up my rights to be his parent. His adoptive parents have his best interest at heart. If they felt it would be better for us to have a relationship before he actually requested it I would be very open to it because I only want what is best for him. I would say write her a letter she may or may not be open to it. If she does not want contact right now she may feel the same as I do. I don't want contact to help ease my pain. I want contact if and when my birthson feels it is necessary.

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Originally Posted By Gwen

Thanks for your response. Since my son is so young, I have time before I will do anything. I am pretty sure I wil write her a letter one day. I just don't want her to be afraid if I do.

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Originally Posted By Holly

Hi Gwen,

I too am an adoptive parent. I agree with the birthmother's response. I think you need to respect the birthmother's wishes. It should be about your son and his needs. But believe me, I understand that desire that you have as a parent for your child too. We are in a semi-open adoption with our daughter, and while it has worked out beautifully there are days when I wish we had a little more contact with her. Our birthmother said the same thing about being open to more contact if and when our daughter is of age and asking. I think it's great that you're not afraid of more contact though. I wish you the very best!

Holly