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Originally Posted By 2boymom

I'm 23, married, mom of two sons (11/95 and 8/97) Last August I donated some of my eggs in a "semi-known donation". I got to know the intended parents very well and stayed at their home a number of times. The transfer was sucessful, they had boy/girl twins. The mom told me that she would probably send me some pictures and give me updates of the babies. I have seen nothing. The babies were born March, 2000. I've recently found a place on the internet where she posts and asks questions about raising twins. I feel guilty that I've been lurking on the board and reading some of what she's posted. Should I feel guilty, or should I just feel like I'm reading about my biological half children (they are the biological children of her husband). I don't plan to post there or even alert her that I'm reading the board and I don't want her to feel uncomfotable but I'd love some different opinions. I know it's kinda high tech and confusing but I don't really know where else to post. I view my donation as a very early adoption for the kids. I don't really view the twins as my kids, my egg donation was voluntary and planned but I had expected to get more information on the kids than I have (all I've received was a birth announcement and an address update).

Hugs and best to you, 2boymom

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Was there some sort of contract? Or is this more like open adoption where any such agreements for future contact are not enforceable by law? Was there any agreement that the kids should know their "egg donor mom" in the future?

Are the questions she posts ones that make you worry about the kids' health or welfare?

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Originally Posted By To 2boymom

Hey,
I checked into donating my eggs in return for getting my IVF expenses paid. In the contract I read, it said I had a choice (just as if I were placing my children that I'd given birth to for adoption) to have closed, semi-open or open adoption. I would choose and that would be put in the contract. Was yours like that? Did you choose, and was it put in the contract? She did send you their new address so apparently she isn't trying to hide from you. Maybe write her and let her know how you feel. If you would like to talk, feel free to email me at ONEXPLORER@aol.com
God Bless!

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Originally Posted By 2boymom

Yes, we did have a contract. Visitation is all up to the parents. I can not contact them unless I move or if my children have a genetic disease that could affect their ED kids. I put in the contract those two specific reasons. If they find out their kid has a genetic disease or they move without telling me it is breaking our contract (however what I could do about it I don't know). She told me that she thought she would send me pictures after the babies were born. She knows how much I'd love to have a daughter of my own and how precious those pictures would be to me.

I worry that her husband feels that I might try to take their kids. I made our contract iron clad. I don't want to take their kids (I can hardley afford my own two) and besides the kids are mine and her husbands, not mine and my husbands so I don't really see them as my kids.

Also, they had asked me if I would mind if they kids ever wanted to meet me. I said sure. I imagine they will be curious about it their entire life (I would be) especially with the technology. It's kinda weird to have two moms and a dad. One biological mom and one that gives birth to you.

And no, I'm not concerned at all about the kids health or welfare. I know the parents are great loving, doting parents and I'd never fear for them. I am just curious about them.

Hugs, 2boymom

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Originally Posted By 2boymom

We did not go though a clinic so we don't have the typical donor/receipent contract. I can not contact them. I imagine I wouldn't get into trouble for posting on one of the message boards she posts on (we both also have 3 year olds). Maybe that would be a way to be in contact with her. I don't think I could write her but I imagine both posting on the same message board she might be willing to contact me. I don't know. I don't regret helping them have their own kids. I don't mind not being in contact. I just wonder about them. I think that's probably normal. Even though they are not my kids, they are my kids. I was doing just fine til I discovered her on this bulletin board and now I can't stop thinking about them. Thats probably similar to a closed adoption. (Though I think a real adoption would be so much more difficult, my heart goes out to all you birth moms here)

Hugs, 2boymom
(Btw, best of luck with your IVF, the success rates get better each year. <smile> I know first hand.)

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Originally Posted By To 2boymom

Hey,
Maybe posting on the same board would help. It sure wouldn't hurt to try if that's what you wantWe are not going to have the IVF bc we don't have a clinic near us. We have 2 but they are about 3 hours away, and we would have to make the trip about every other day for a while. I just think that would really exhaust us, and break us too bc my husband would have to take off from work too much We are just going to keep trying to adopt Which we are both happy with God bless you! Please keep me updated on your situation. email: onexplorer@aol.com
Sharron