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Originally Posted By Amanda

How do I help my parents deal with my choicec of adoption. They would rather that I keep the child but emotionally and financially I am not ready for such responsiblity. What can I do to help them deal with this decsion.

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Originally Posted By Holly

Hi Amanda,

I think you've asked one of the toughest questions. I've talked with so many birthmothers who have gone through this heartache too.

First, I'd suggest that you always try to see things from the other side. My mother always told me to debate anything from both sides and I'd be better off. She's always been right. When I try to argue the opposing point of view I learn so much. So remember that for them this is their grandchild, not just your pregnancy. That's why they'd feel a little ownership in the process or in your decision. Understanding that will help you know how to talk to them.

Also, most birthmother's parents I've interacted with are more concerned about YOU (their child's) happiness. Just remember that this is the here and now so the issue of the grandchild weighs heavier, but I'm sure that if you asked them which they cared more about - you or your child's future and happiness they say both but with you as first.

Here's a comment that helped our birthmother's parents so much: "I'm not giving her up - I'm giving her more." Another thing that really helped was our willingness to meet with the grandparents as well as the birthmother. That did more for their healing than anything I can think of. Maybe this is something that would help your parents too.

Please let me know if I can help in any way - I'd be happy to share our experiences with you. )

Hugs,
Holly

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Originally Posted By Jamie

I am abirth mother of a 7 month old son.I have included my mother into the visits with his Aparents.We all got to know each other.My mother was supportive of my decision though since there is child abuse in my step family .She knew that we had to protect my son.She does not go through the same level of grief that i am going through & that bothers me at times .You may deal with this later also.

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Originally Posted By Jennifer

I have a 4 year old birthdaughter. My adoption is really open and I visit them at home and everything. My mom was really involved at the birth, but since then she hasn't seen my birthdaughter. I can tell she misses her. I wish there were a way for me to include her more. It's strange seeing how much it affects her. I'm not the only one who gave something up when I placed my bdaughter for adoption.

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Originally Posted By kathy

Our adaughter was placed with us through an open adoption. We don't have much contact with bparents, but we have become very close to bgparent and bggparents. We talk or e-mail weekly and visit monthly. We consider them part of our family. They all knew they could not raise an infant and supported bparents decision to place her. We saw no reason to put bgparent and bggparents through the pain too. We are very happy with our decision to have them in our lives.

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Originally Posted By birthmom Jamie

That is very sweet.

[Proudmom2emily]

Emily's bgrandparents had a really hard time with the adoption as well, but the more they saw how open we were willing to be with them and that we really did want the whole birth family to be part of our family they started to accept it all and are now fine with everything and actually cause us one of their kids.