[zookeeper]

My husband and I live in Oh and have 5 children, 3 still at home. I have raised my oldest stepchildren since they were little and we have two biological children, one special needs. We are trying to adopt an 11 yr. old boy in Oregon. I don't see much on the boards about domestic, older children adoptions and lately have been very frustrated about how the social workers are not in a hurry to do place this child, schedule the adoption committee, call us back, etc. Our family Dr. was trying to adopt and gave up on domestic adoptions. He insists that it is a game of money and while they talk about needing homes for these children, very few ever get placed because the county looses money. I am trying hard to be patient and not become cynical but I feel like Bruce Willis in the Sixth Sense, no one seems to hear me or my phone calls, emails etc. We feel after talking with this childs current foster parents that our family, neighborhood, schools, etc. all have alot to offer him. Still, I can't get anyone to take my call and tell me when they might even attempt to convene the adoption committee. Anyone have any insights to this system? Is it unusual to wait several months for a committee to meet after you've identified a child? We were sent pictures of the boy and even asked to contact his foster parents to speak to them about his daily routines, temperment, etc. Now its been two weeks since we've had any contact with anyone, including our own social worker. No one is returning my calls and I'm not sure where we are in the process. We were told that a SW from Oregon would call us and get to know us so she could present us to the committee. We were also told about 6 weeks ago that the committee meets every week but in different cities. Are we being too impatient? Why do wheels in social work turn so slowly? I don't think I would mind the wait as much if I knew what we were waiting for (besides the child to be placed, obviously). Frustrated in Ohio!

[Mellie]

I think you should go to your SW's supervisor. There are threads about this somewhere (here or on my other adoption BB LOL can't remember which).

Our Mapps class teachers have told us we must be pro-active (in speaking about their co-workers encouraging eh?) They have told us if we are not getting calls returned etc to go to the supervisor, have even given us the contact information for when we are at that stage. I mean you don't want to be nasty, but you can be polite but persistant. You know the "I'm sure its an oversight but we have had calls not returned, we seem to be stalled in the process is there something our paperwork is lacking that we can finish, bla bla bla" And there is always the squeeky wheel theory which I believe works, but you have to be polite, because the nasty squeeky wheel gets put to the bottom of the stack, always

Good luck.

[lucyjoy]

My worker also told us to be persistant and polite.

[zookeeper]

Thanks. I guess I'll wait a few more days and then try the Supervisor. I agree that the nasty squeaky doesn't get very far but I'm also finding that the SW's (at least the ones I'm dealing with) have a temperment that's a bit confusing to me. Normally I'm good at reading people and situations but with these two when they want something everything is hurry, hurry high gear and then painstakingly slow. One minute they want you to be advocates and then when they find out you are advocating, they become defensive. I tend to sit back and watch more if I can't read it, advocating doesn't seem to be working for us in this situation.

[countrycharms]

Hello,

I am also in the process of adopting two little girls from our DCYF in RI. This has been a long process. However, Please do not loose hope. The systems are not what we would all hope them to be. I always take 5 - 10 minutes a day to stop and remind myself why we are doing this and how much it means to us. This helps to stay focused.

Always be polite and always be persistant. Go to the supervisor if you have to. Only you can make this happen.

We are extremely lucky to have a wonderful social worker but I had to gain her respect and trust. One of my children was placed in August and the eldest was placed in October. We still need constant help and it can be frustrating if you dont stay organized and persistant.

Hope this helps

RI