[jeffw]

Most will be okay with pets. Only the ones with real RAD--no empathy, no conscience--will be a risk, and a serious risk at that.

Religion shouldn't be a problem. If the kid expresses a serious commitment to a religion then they will match the kids to a family that shares his faith. A great many foster kids have been exposed to religion but few foster kids take it as their own to the point where they will fight for it.

[peregrinerose]

Originally Posted by jeffw

Most will be okay with pets. Only the ones with real RAD--no empathy, no conscience--will be a risk, and a serious risk at that.

Religion shouldn't be a problem. If the kid expresses a serious commitment to a religion then they will match the kids to a family that shares his faith. A great many foster kids have been exposed to religion but few foster kids take it as their own to the point where they will fight for it.

RAD doesn't always involve no emathy... RAD can take a lot of different forms.

About pets, we have 3 dogs, 3 cats, a rabbit and a snake. All are rescues, most have been abused, so we had zero tolerance for animal abuse in our home. When looking at older kids, you get FULL profiles on these kids, so if any pet abuse happened in previous placements, you do find out about it. I think there were only 2 of the 30 profiles I read that had a history of animal abuse (and most of the 30+ had some form of RAD).

Our son has always been good with animals, and he is no different in our home with the pets we have.

[mommytoEli]

my rad dd was not kind to animals. she was abusive. there was nothing in her written history that we received that would have tipped us off to that. no one told us to be concerned about it. but when we reported it, the workers didn't seem surprised.

it is something to watch for.

[momraine]

I would watch new placements very carefully with pets. My son was great until he had been here six months. Now he is not allowed to be alone with pets. He came from an orphange so there were no pets. I have met several people who adopted from foster care who have had thier pets hurt by kids whose files said nothing about pet abuse, but then I know others whose kids, even some RAd kids were fine with pets. You just have to watch new kids until you get to know them. Also watch how your pets act around them. If you see a pet acting fearful of one child all of a sudden or aggresive to that child all of a sudden, then there is a pretty good bet that child did something to the pet.

[MO_SingleDad-2B]

Welcome aboard Wannabeadad!

Like you, I am also a single dad wannabe! I'm about 1/3 of the way thru my classes. Background checks and fingerprints are done. Still waiting for the social worker to call and set up home visits.

Drop by the special needs forum- they're an experienced and helpful group. They also have a few single dads who post often (Original Mike & Indy).

Also, special needs chat meets on most tues & fridays at 9pm. Kind of hit or miss on if people show up, but you'll learn alot.

[wannabeadad]

thanks. i just had my first class a few days ago, the fingerprints and background checks next week and they're supposed to start the home study while i'm taking the classes. they still say it takes 4 to 6 months tho. i'll check out the chat room.

[joskids]

"Wannabe" - I would look only to the photolistings for EXAMPLES of children in need of a family, not for a specific child. It's possible to adopt from a photolisting but, for the most part, those are the children who are most difficult to place. I'd work more closely with my caseworker to find children who may currently be in foster care and soon to adoption. That caseworker will know the child more fully and you can ask to speak to the foster parent about the child's REAL behaviors (those the workers might not tell you about.) Ask to talk also to current teachers, past teachers and how a child currently handles peer relationships. Same-age children tend to shy away from children who are difficult to attach with. Also ask FULLY about a child's history in care. The more moves a child has, the more difficult (in general) it will be for him to attach to you.

As for religion - you'll need to be open and provide resources for him to express his religion in his own way. It may be a very important part of a child's life and the one thing he has to hold onto. Then again, it may be very NON-important to a child to practice a religion and, then again, you'll need to be flexible.

Also, ask yourself to be honest about how a child is doing in school. Do you have the kind of job where you can be called away numerous times a month (or a day)?? Just important things to consider.

I certainly hope your search to adopt an older child is successful. There are so many kids in need.

[wannabeadad]

so there are kids in the special needs program that are not on the photo listings?

[DianeS]

Originally Posted by wannabeadad

so there are kids in the special needs program that are not on the photo listings?

Oh goodness, yes. Hundreds in my state alone are in need of adoptive families but aren't on the photolistings. The photolistings, in many states, are just a percentage of the kids who are waiting.

There was a radio ad this morning trying to recruit adoptive families for the 455 children in foster care in my state who are ready to move from their foster families to adoptive ones. I just checked a large photolisting site, and it showed only 103 of those kids.

[mynewhomeiowa]

wannabeadad I am also single and want to adopt older children out of foster care. I am currently nannying so need to wait a year or so. I think it is great you want to adopt on older child.

[benandkatieh]

Thanks everyone. This thread has been enormously helpful for me to read through! We plan to find an agency to work with for adopting an older teen very soon.