[adoptmom2be]

We are matched with 3 sibs, 5, 6 and 9. We have done 2 visits which have went well. We heard from the AS that the oldest had fun and likes us, but is not yet comfortable going on unsupervised visits with us (without the AS). Our worker tells us that this is normal in older child adoptions.

Wanted to get your thoughts on ways to help him feel more comfortable. He was very parentified previously so we have talked about doing a visit without the 2 younger kids so he doesn't feel like he needs to focus on them. Any suggestions? Suggestions on what good things to do are? He likes baseball so I was thinking maybe finding a batting cage or something?

[TxMom65]

Bless his heart. I can't even imagine what is going on in his head.

Your ideas sound great. Maybe even something that one on one with you, if you can. I know that for my daughter, who was 8 at the time, laughter was a powerful bonding agent. When we could laugh together, really laugh, it was such a start. We would relive the things we laughed about for days or weeks.

This all may sound silly. It was just great that we saw humor in the same things.

Best wishes.

[MilehighDad]

Every situation is different when you have multiple kids involved so you just have to try your best. With our latest, we worked hard to introduce her gradually so that she wasn't overwhelmed. We visited out-of-state with just us first, and then two kids at a time to simplify their interactions. Taking just your new oldest would be kind of like that so if you can set it up and get it to work, I'd say go for it. But, try to do things that also allow the kids to feel like they've had equal time. We've never taken in a sibling group, though, so I don't have many suggestions. Good luck!