[leahcar]

Hello,

My husband & I are in the (hopefully!) final stages of the application process to be "licensed" to adopt in Florida. We've taken the MAPP (Model Approaches to Positive Parenting) and are awaiting our home study (we've been assigned a case worker, but haven't met with her yet). We're told it should all be completed in July.

We're hoping to adopt a single child (girl), around ages 3 -8 years.

We have been married 10 years, do not have other children and do not plan to have other children.

Do you have any suggestions on books, websites, others resources as we prepare and educate ourselves?

Any advise???

[lucyjoy]

I really like the book Adopting the Hurt Child by Greg Keck and Regina Kupecky. It explains some behaviors you might see that seem very odd and explains why the child might do those things. I found this very, very helpful.

I'd also recommend learning as much as possible about attachment parenting. Because of the breaks in attachment and the trauma the kids experience, they often have issues with attachment and bonding. It can help to parent from an attachment standpoint from the beginning to help facilitate the parent/child bond.

I remember how excited I was in the beginning and I bought way too much stuff. I don't recommend buying much to start with. It is much easier to add then to take away. A couple of my kids were overwhelmed if there were more then one or two things to take care of in their rooms. (I did keep outside toys in a playhouse and some sharing type toys in the main play areas).

Hope things go well for you.

[leahcar]

Thanks Lucyjoy! I just requested the book you suggested from the library. We've been talking about adoption for several years and I've been reading up on it quite a bit in spurts over this time. My husband is an elementary teacher. I work with the parents of low income, at risk children aged birth - five as well as their childcare providers (mentoring, training, resource referrel). I have a BA in psychology and am almost finished with a masters in child development. So I will like we have a pretty solid foundation.

BUT I know that neither book/acedemic knowledge nor training teachers/parents and demonstrating positive discipline with children I get to leave comes any where near to what it's like living it every minute of the day with your own child.

We have our first home study meeting sceduled for Monday! We're excited to be moving along with this journey.

[crick]

A few things that really stuck in my mind that helped me in the early days were..

1. fake it til you make it (feelings towards child or not feeling you are bonding...keep at it and don't feel guilty about it if it isn't instantaneous)

2. Might not be "normal" to others, but it's YOUR normal and that's okay. (I needed this reminder to help me stop comparing milestones or experiences with others.)

3. Structure, routine and consistency were key for us that first year.

4. Baby steps are HUGE and you mentally celebrate those!

5. Use your support system

I 2nd "Adopting the Hurt Child" and I also liked the Toddler's Adoption, The Weaver's Craft. A bit dry in some parts but insightful. Even if you adopt a 5 year old, it can be helpful since they likely might not be 5 emotionally.

Congrats on your journey to parenthood!:0)

[triciansil]

I found the best info online here on the forums and on adoption blogs. Hearing things first hand from other adoptive parents helped me stay sane while waiting

[crick]

shoot...if we helped you stay sane, we weren't working hard enough! LOL!

[MilehighDad]

Best book - Three Little Words, by Ashley Rhodes-Courter. She was adopted from foster care at age 12 in Florida after spending 7 years in the system and she is now 25. It gives great insight into how it feels to be a kid in the system, how the system can fail a child, and what they feel like to be adopted.

[leahcar]

Originally Posted by MilehighDad

Best book - Three Little Words, by Ashley Rhodes-Courter. She was adopted from foster care at age 12 in Florida after spending 7 years in the system and she is now 25. It gives great insight into how it feels to be a kid in the system, how the system can fail a child, and what they feel like to be adopted.

I actually happened across Three Little Words the afternoon after our very first MAPP class in a used book store. I paid $1 for it, read it one day, brought it to class the next week to lend the teacher and now she has been lending it out like crazy to people in her office, classes and foster parents. We're in Florida, like Ashley, so it's particularly interesting and horrific.

[MilehighDad]

Three Little Words is horrific, it certainly is an example of how cases are not supposed to be handled. But, it is also very consistent with how our older daughters felt in the system and what they went through. I used the book to help all my friends and relatives understand the kind of things our girls have been through and how they feel, since we can't share the specific stories of their past. I have bought 16 copies and passed them around, and I didn't find any for $1 at a used book store! Our oldest daughter also had a chance to meet Ashley last year but we missed it because we were on a visit to transition our middle daughter.