[joskimo]

I've been considering old adopotion as well, my heart just hurts for kids who age out of the system without a family to anchor them. And looking thru the photolisting system, there are a lot of kiddos who are going to do just that. But I have to wonder, would adoption be worth it for a 16 or 17 year old to relocate? They are so social and friend-driven, I'm wondering if it would even be of interest.

This is an issue for me because I live in a small town, so adopting locally is not really an option, adopting in state is likely not even an option.

[ladyjubilee]

Would it be worth having a family for the rest of your life versus a friends for a short time? Based on the statements of some the children I know, yes.

[joskimo]

I agree, just wondering how many teenagers are wise enough to agree

[Binny]

I think you would find many of them would love to be adopted. You may want to look into the Wendy's Wonderful Children in your state and NWAE.

[joskimo]

I know aobut nwae, but hadn't heard about Wendy's. The site sheet on that seems to be down, but I"ll keep checking, thanks -

[chelspark1]

Here's our story.
Our kids (they are a sibling group) came to live with us two years ago. They were 12 and 13 at the time. We adopted them from out of state from a town that they had lived in most of their lives. Their family also lives in that town including four other siblings.
They were taken away from everything they had ever known. HOWEVER, they were living in foster homes where they couldn't be involved in extra curricular activities or have many of the little extras they now get. They did get moved around a lot.
Now, they are both involved in lots of sports and I have seen their self esteem really grow. My daughter now plays three different musical instruments and is trying out for a community play this summer. My son is getting an award from our county's special ed administrators group for our district. Sometimes I look at us and think - wow, we really are becoming a family. And I think they feel it, too.
I know that they miss their family and friends from their old town and I feel really bad about that. But, I think we have given them something that they would have never gotten if they stayed there and remained in foster care.

[MilehighDad]

Yes, it is absolutely worth it to most of them. Some have given up since they know they aren't going to be adopted. Some are bitter and angry, and some over-glorify having a family. But, in my experience they all want and need a family and any of them I have known would happily trade their friends for one.

Things we have seen that may make a family much more attractive than you would think:

1. They may not have many friends because if they aren't good at attachments they'll be mean to their friends and chase them away.
2. They may not have many friends because they may have just moved to a new school because of a foster care placement change.
3. They may not have many friends because they can't go on sleepovers or do sports or do many other normal things that help friendships solidify.
4.They may have friends that are not very good influences because who is going to accept the kid from foster care? Worse yet, who is going to accept the new kid who gets off the group home bus with all the crazy girls and wears old ratty clothes?
5. If you can offer a girl time with a horse you might be offering a 16 year old her ultimate dream.

Of course, these things are not true of every teenager, and every teenager will not want to be placed out of town. But, don't fool yourself, these kids know the score and if they are agreeing to have their picture posted up and looking for parents they are willing to be adopted. And, they know what that means, especially the bad parts like moving again.

[joskimo]

great resopnses, thanks so much - I feel inspired.

I had a talk with my teen this week about it and we went thru photolistings together, she was really moved by the experience. She hasn't looked thru photolistings since we adopted our youngest daughter - at the time we only considered young chlidren and wound up adopting privately at birth. This time around we want to adopt thru photolistings.

Thanks again.