[cinnamonheart]

Four years ago hubby and I started MAPP classes (NY state) to adopt from foster care but we stopped because we got custody of our then just turned 3 yr old granddaughter and we felt we should focus on her needs. She just turned 7 so we feel now she's out of the toddler stage we can go back to our original plan. We want an older child-no babies or toddlers! School aged. Problem is, no classes till spring. There are a few kids on the photolisting we are interested in but the social workers won't give any information until we have a completed homestudy. Have been trying to see if there is anyway to get homestudy process started then take the mapp classes in spring thru social services. I have seen where they suggest you do some type of introductory thing about your family for the workers to show the kids. Is that a project I could do in the meantime. What is a "visiting resource"?
Christina

[Mkuhlmann06]

If you are doing straight adoption - there are two small projects you can do in the meantime.

First, we made a small scrapbook (7X7 size book vs 11X11). We did a page about our wedding, a page about our animals, several pages about our home and all the rooms, a page about our neighborhood/community, a page about our likes/dislikes/activities/etc, a page about each side of our family, a page about friends/neighbors/people that will be involved in their lives, etc, a page about the local school, etc. This was the book that we used when we interviewed for each of our two kids. The book was then used for them to get familiar with things during our first visit (as the first visit wasn't at our house).

Second, I prepared a packet. In it had researched information about services available that we plan to utilize. For example, page one had detailed information about the school, the IEP services, special education, therapists and social workers within the school system, the times the school is in session, the activities available at the school, etc. Another page had DRs (that took our insurance AND/OR medicaid insurance), therapists, Psychiatrists, Psychologists, Dentists, Eye Drs, etc. Another page had the various parks in the area and the community center, with the various organized activities (soccer, dancing, gymnastics, softball, baseball, karate, etc). Another page was regarding daycare services, before/after school (if any) and summer.

We also lined up our references, spoke with them to make sure they would be ok with writing a letter or filling out a questionnaire. We then child proofed the house (as we didn't have any previously) so the house would pass the safety inspection.

If you have an idea of the age range, type of child(ren) (boys or girls or both), you could start setting up the bedrooms - get things off freecycle and/or craigslist - although you probably already have a bunch of things with your granddaughter living with you.

Hope this helps. Good luck!

[aspenhall]

Something else you should be aware of, is making sure you adopt in "birth order"....your granddaughter needs to be the oldest child.

[cinnamonheart]

Does it have to be oldest to youngest? We haven't adopted our granddaughter, so technically, our child we adopt will be her aunt/uncle......

[Mkuhlmann06]

What aspen is refering to, is even though your granddaughter will be their niece, she needs to be the oldest child within your care. Children from foster care are experienced, seen, and know things way beyond a normal 7 yr old. They could harm your 7 yr old if they are similar in age or older. If you do a search on here, there are a number of various threads regarding "birth order". You may also want to read the special needs forum, as there is a lot of discussion about the various needs of adopted children. Keep researching during this time. Read books on attachment and adopting hurt children.

[MilehighDad]

I agree completely that there is much you can do to prepare yourself for a traumatized child coming into your home before the classes. Books that we have found helpful were "Three Little Words" by Ashley Rhodes-Courter, "Beyond Consequences" by Forbes and Post, "Primal Wound", don't know that author, and finally "Adoption:Stories of Lives Transformed" by Dixie Davis. All will give you a great tools and understanding.

I would also advise to remember that this board is not just to introduce new people to adoption, because people tend to come here looking for help and to vent. That is great if you need help, but it tends to give a negative bias overall. The community here is an awesome group of people willing to give their lives to help children in the biggest way possible, but they are often struggling with how hard it is, too.

Also, I don't believe there are any absolutes, including that you must adopt in birth order. You should do what is right for your family. We didn't adopt in birth order for a lot of reasons, the biggest was that our oldest needed a family and she needed to have either no siblings or younger siblings. She has never been a threat to our younger kids and adopting out of birth order was just fine for us. That doesn't mean it is for everyone or every child. It is something that should be considered carefully, just like every other aspect of taking a hurt and traumatized child into your life.