[angel619]

I've just been matched with a little girl and have already set up my first visit with her (she's in FL, I'm in SC). For those of you who have already gone thru this, can you tell me what you took/did for that first visit?

[aspenhall]

We went to mcdonalds because she was 3 and it was evening. The next day (full day) we went to a park, and the library and then shopping, since it was winter and she only had a sundress. We took a book of photos of her bedroom and our house as well as pics of us. We also brought a small toy for her and her brother too (who we weren't adopting). She got very posessive of us and jealous of the toy that we gave her brother. It resulted in a fight that I actually had to intervene (while the bmom sat idly by and rolled her eyes at them). It was a vicious fight.

Also look for appropriate shyness since you are a stranger is the first thing. A kid who acts perfectly as though she were already yours would be a red flag to me. She should show some nervousness and even a bit of distance.

[Kansas Girl]

Congratulations on being matched!

We went to the zoo and a small amusement park for younger children on one day, then to a movie on the next.

As Aspenhall said, look for the red flags....one we didn't pay attention to was how R's sister acted - it should have been a big one! (we ended up disrupting on her and keeping R). The one thing we did see in R that we liked was that he did respond well to redirection. Maybe that's honeymooning, but I did see that as a good trait. My initial intuition on R and his sister (that he could heal and she would have a much harder time) did end up being correct. R is still, for the most part, very coachable.

good luck!
Fran

[marythemom]

We got to spend the whole weekend with them (nights our dd was in respite - her foster home was too far away to go there. Our son went to his foster home at night). We had brought our bio kids so in some ways it was easier and some ways harder. My MIL was there with our (then) 16 year old nephew. The girls played together like best friends and our nephew and son hung out

We brought each child a small photo album with pictures of our house, pets, family members and bedrooms. The caseworker and foster parents enjoyed seeing those. I gave them the albums at the end of the visit. I'd also bought them an inexpensive art set because we'd been told our son was into art (turns out he liked tattoo art).

We chose a hotel with an indoor pool and a putt putt golf course (it wasn't anymore expensive than the others). We swam and tried the golf (attention spans not long enough!). We went to a small carnival and a nearby mall. I bought the children some inexpensive items on sale for $1 (sunglasses, a hat, earrings, and a tiny jewelry box...). One night we went to Wal-Mart while MIL watched the biokids (it was too cold to be outside). The kids did a lot of asking for stuff and we started the process of letting them know we are not rich!

After that we were allowed to call them once a week. We were not allowed to tell them we were planning on adopting them until the ICPC was done. Nebraska was too far away from Texas to plan another trip there although we almost scheduled one more visit, but they finally finished and we went to get the kids immediately. It was probably not a good idea to accept the kids after only meeting them for a 3 day weekend, but it did eventually work out.

Good luck!!

[angel619]

Thanks so much for the ideas! I was thinking about taking a photo album with pictures of my house, her bedroom, the dog, etc, and maybe a gift for her. I'm not familiar with the area I'll be going to--I know her worker said she would try to plan some activities for the evening I get there. I will only be there for the weekend but I will try to make the best of it and pay attention to those red flags!

Thanks Again!